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My friend’s handsome face morphed into concern. “Hey, come here.” He held out his hand and I sat beside him on the bed. “Tell me.”
“I should want to be made partner, right? I’m good at my job. Great at it, actually.”
“You are.”
“But I can’t tell if I like my job or if I just like the fact that I’m good at it.” I peered up at him. “I’m not like you. You’re taking on the evils of the pharmaceutical world and trying to make it better. What do I do? I sell stuff. I’m really good at making people want things.”
“There’s nothing wrong with what you do, Faith, except how you feel about doing it. If you don’t like it, quit.”
I rested my head on Silas’s strong shoulder. “I think it’s more that the idea of having that much responsibility scares the shit out of me. I’m not used to having people rely on me.”
“You were there for me when I needed you,” Silas said. “Big time.”
“That’s because you’re so damn loveable.”
“So are you.”
“I’m not,” I said. “But I want to be. You and Max are so beautiful together it makes me sick.”
Silas rubbed his chin. “Gee, I think I read that on a Hallmark card once…”
“I want what you have, Silas, but I don’t know how to let someone in. Because what if I do and they don’t like what they see? I don’t. Not lately.”
“And you think going to Hawaii is going to change that?” he asked gently.
“I think being by myself and doing that thing…what do you call it? Where you take a good hard look at yourself?”
Silas smirked. “Introspection?”
“Right. Introspection without distraction. There’s a Hindu temple there and beautiful waterfalls. I’m going to hike and meditate—”
He coughed a laugh.
“Yes,meditate,” I insisted. “Oh, and no men. No one-night stands. No meaningless sex.”
Silas put the back of his hand to my forehead. “You feeling okay? Maybe I should call someone…”
“Ha ha.” I knocked his hand away and rose to continue packing. “I’m serious. I’m going celibate. And not just in Hawaii. I’m going to be my own company for a while.” I made a face. “Did I seriously just say that? Maybe I’m having a stroke…”
My phone on my bed chimed a text. Silas was closer and peered over at it. His handsome face immediately stiffened.
“Viv wants to know if you’re up to going out tonight.”
“Step one to personal betterment…” I grabbed the phone and put it on silent.
“You’re not going to answer?”
“I’m not even going to tell her I’m going to Hawaii until I get there.”
Silas’s blue eyes darkened. “Wise move.”
“Are you being protective of me?” I teased.
“Yes,” he said, not teasing.
“I know you don’t like her—”
“Accurate.”
