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inessa
I wokeup the next morning in excruciating pain.
Fuck.
I hated this time of the month. It meant heavy bleeding, unbearable cramps, and lots of tears and pain.
And it also meant I’d failed at getting pregnant like I was supposed to. God, how hard could it be to get pregnant? We’d fucked almost every single day since we’d gotten married!
I didn’t want Jaxon to see me like this. My family had told me my horrible cramping and extensive bleeding was just something I would have to learn to cope with, but goddammit, how was I expected to cope when the pain kept getting worse every single month?
I pushed myself out of bed and padded to the bathroom. I threw my now ruined panties in the trash and did what I needed to clean up a little before hopping into the shower, letting the hot water alleviate at least a little bit of the excruciating pain rolling through my belly.
I just wanted to curl into a ball and die.
“Babe?” Jaxon called as he stepped into the bathroom. I squeezed my eyes shut. “You good? You’re not normally up this early.”
“I’m fine,” I bit out, just wanting him to go away. I was already on the verge of bursting into tears, and his care and concern would topple me over the edge if I let him. I didn’t want Jaxon to think that I was weak and giving in to the tears clogging my throat would do just that.
Women had periods all the time. Surely, I could cope with mine.
“Are you sure?”
“Jaxon, I’m not in the mood,” I snapped at him, not even caring that he was getting the brunt of my pain. I wanted to lash out, to scream, to fucking just cry and beg for help.
But I couldn’t do any of that. Jaxon hadn’t signed up for this, and I wouldn’t burden him with it.
“Yo, what the fuck?” he snarled. He flung the shower curtain back, glaring at me. “Need I remind you of your fucking place?”
I pointed a shaking finger at him, barely biting back my tears. “If you fucking touch me . . .”
He clenched his jaw, his eyes flaring with rage. “What? Was last night too much for you?” he demanded. “Maybe your fantasies were too much for you after all.”
His words cut me. I didn’t want him to turn his back on me. I didn’t want him to stop taking control of me like that, but I didn’t know what else to do to get him to leave me alone. I couldn’t let him see me like this.
He barked out a humorless laugh and flung the curtain back into place, shielding me from his angry, hard glare. “Maybe I will take up another fucking submissive since my wife obviously can’t ever figure out what the fuck she wants.”
I knew he was hurting because I’d turned him away. I knew it was bothering him that I wouldn’t tell him what was wrong.
But instead of consoling him and trying to fix this before it was too late, I just made it worse.
“Maybe you should,” I seethed. “Because I’d rather be dead than stuck in this fucking marriage with you.”
The bathroom door slamming shut made me flinch.
And then, I burst into tears, sobs wracking my chest.
* * *
JAXON
I’d rather be dead than stuck in this fucking marriage with you.
Her words cut me deeper than she fucking realized, deeper than I’d ever let her know. I’d begun to truly care for her, possibly even fall in love with her, and now, we were right back to fucking square one.
I stormed into James’s office, needing to get the fuck out of this place on an assignment for a little while. Maybe Inessa and I just needed space, and if she needed time away from me, then fuck it. She could get it.
“Woah,” James said, setting Emmaline aside so he could stand up from his couch. “What’s going on, Jaxon?”
“Need an assignment,” I told him.
He shook his head. “Not sending a hot-headed mother fucker out on any assignment.” I gritted my teeth. Fuck him for doing what was right. “What the fuck is going on?”
I shoved my hand through my hair, agitated and confused beyond words. “My fucking wife,” I gritted.
He looked a bit surprised at my words. He looked at Emmaline. “I thought things were looking up?” she asked, sitting forward on the couch. “Even Inessa speaks about how happy she is with you.”
I barked out a laugh, but it was cold. Menacing. Dark. It revealed everything I was feeling inside. “Well, she was lying to all of us then because she basically just told me to go get another fucking submissive because she’d rather be dead than be my wife.”
“Something is wrong,” Emmaline instantly said, standing up from the couch. James wrapped an arm around her waist, tugging her against his side.
“The fuck could be wrong, Emmaline?” I demanded. I’d been doing everything right. I’d been treating her to aftercare, I’d been doting on her. I made sure day in and day out that she was completely taken care of and had everything she needed and wanted. I didn’t know what the fuck else to do.
“Watch your tone with her,” James warned me, his eyes narrowed in my direction.
I gritted my teeth, reining my temper in. I’d stepped out of line when speaking to her, and I knew it. Though we were all friends, I still had to respect her as my superior and as James’s wife.
I drew in a deep breath. “We had a scene last night,” I explained. “We gave having a session in front of others a try. Now, all of a sudden, she’s fucking pissed with me, and I don’t know why. When I tried checking on her, she instantly lashed out.”
“Maybe because something is wrong,” Emmaline said, reiterating what she just said. I sighed. “I lash out at James sometimes when I’m having a low. Maybe she’s having one. You know how emotionally and mentally straining it can be to have sessions, and you two have been having them quite a bit the past couple of weeks,” she softly reminded me.
My face paled. I hadn’t even thought about that, and suddenly, I felt like a shitty husband and an even shittier dom.
I had let her down. Instead of soothing her, I’d let her words run me off, just like she would have wanted.
“Fuck,” I swore, dropping into a chair.
Emmaline leaned up and pressed her lips to her husband’s. “I’m going to check on her. Maybe she’ll feel better talking to a woman about it. She’s very new to all of this, and she may not understand what’s happening inside of her head.”
I nodded in thanks, and she quickly walked out of the door, smiling at Darren as he stepped into the office. He released a low whistle. “Feels like someone died in here.”
I snorted. “Just my fucking intelligence,” I muttered.
“Eh, don’t be so hard on yourself,” James told me. “Inessa said some pretty shitty things to you. Can’t say I’d keep my cool if my wife ever said that shit to me either. Let Emmaline check on her. The two have grown close recently.” He handed me a file. “In the meantime, distract yourself by looking over this. Got a shipment of weapons coming in, and I need you to get some men on it.”
I flipped open the folder and prepared to bury myself in work until my wife was ready to forgive me for walking away from her when she needed me the most.
I’d seriously fucked up this time.
