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inessa
The moment Jaxonwalked out the door, I missed him, and I wanted to fucking cry all over again. But instead, I just sucked it up, got a shower, and got an early start on my day. There was no way in hell I could go back to sleep.
I knew what him leaving like this could mean. He may never make it back home to me. He may be gone for months. He may have to go completely silent with months of zero contact.
It was going to test our marriage, but I was determined to prove to him that I could do this. I wouldn’t let anything take me from him.
Emmaline was coming down the stairs holding her son on her hip when I emerged at the stairs. She smiled at me and handed their little boy to James. He pressed a kiss to her temple before continuing down the stairs, leaving the two of us alone.
“I heard he left,” she said quietly.
I nodded, envying her. Tears burned at my throat, but I swallowed them down. Because of James’s position in the family, she would never have to experience him leaving her like this. He would always be by her side where she knew he was safe and taken care of.
Who was going to take care of Jaxon while he was out there without me?
“Come on. Let’s get some breakfast,” Emmaline told me, grabbing my hand in hers. I squeezed it, thankful for her support. I desperately needed it, and I hadn’t realized how much until her hand was wrapped around mine.
When we got downstairs, Darren intercepted us. “Mind giving me a minute with Inessa?” he asked Emmaline.
She gently squeezed my hand before dropping it and walking into the dining room, leaving me alone with Darren. I wrapped my arms around myself and nervously looked up at him.
He cleared his throat. “Jaxon just went radio silent.” Tears burned at my eyes. “He’s off the grid. We’ll keep you informed on his health and safety as we find out.” I swallowed thickly, trying not to burst into tears. If he was already radio silent, then that meant this was extremely dangerous. “I just thought you should know so you’re not worrying.”
A tear slid down my cheek. “Can I have a moment alone?” I quietly asked him. I didn’t want him to see my break down. I didn’t want anyone to witness how much this hurt. I hated that he was gone and that I had no way of knowing if he was alive or dead.
Darren nodded and disappeared into the dining room. No longer hungry, I rushed upstairs to our room and collapsed on our bed. I hugged his pillow to my chest, inhaling his scent, and for the first time since I was a very little girl, I prayed for God to keep him safe all while I sobbed, soaking his pillow with my tears.
Please make it back home to me, Jaxon. I am nothing without you now.
