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“I would have,” I told him. “I loved you just as much. I would have forgiven you anything.”
“Exactly,” he said, nodding. “Think about that for a second.”
“Yeah,” I had to agreed, exhaling hard. “I mean, I see your point. It was… overpowering.”
“It was unhealthy,” he clarified. “You, strong, confident, amazing you, would have forgiven me for… anything?”
He was right.
I would have. And slowly, little by little, I would start becoming less strong, less confident, and less amazing because of it. I would have shrank to a vague facsimile of the girl I’d been before. And then what? What would that have meant for my future? For our future?
“Think about it. What would have it been like ten or twenty years down the road if we’d stayed together? Let’s face it, before long, we’d have been expecting. I’d have gotten a ‘real job’ until I was old enough to prospect. You would have been home alone with the kids all day. Neither of us would have traveled, seen the world, experienced different things the world had to offer. Shit we both really wanted to do. And then what? All that resentment would build up and ruin what used to be so good between us.”
“Divorced and bitter,” I said, easily able to picture just that scenario.
I believed in big, epic love.
We were both surrounded by it in Navesink Bank.
But maybe the reason that worked for all the people we knew were because they’d had their life experiences first. They spent some time figuring out who they were and what they did—and didn’t—want from their futures.
“I’m not saying I don’t have regrets, baby. I’m fucking full of them. I never meant to hurt you. Honestly, I think I figured you would be pissed, not so hurt. But your ma, she made it perfectly clear how much you were hurting when I left.”
“The anger came after. And I’m not sure it ever really went away,” I admitted. “Until I thought I might not ever see you again.”
“Are we getting back to you berating me for being stupid and reckless? I got a lot of aches and pains to remind me, you know,” he said, giving me a small smile.
“You really were stupid and reckless,” I reminded him.
“Yeah, I realized that about the moment the van doors closed,” I admitted. “Never thought anyone would be able to find me. Never should have doubted your stubborn ass, though.”
“It helps that you’re sentimental.”
“How so?”
“It didn’t take much to get into your phone,” I explained. “Once we got into that, we did some digging. Uselessly. Until, eventually, Nave saved the day and texted Curtis acting like some horny chick he’d hooked up with in the past.”
“Can always count on a guy’s dick to give him up,” Valen said, smirking. “Speaking of…”
“Oh, my God. We are not fucking right now,” I said, getting a chuckle out of him. “You’re injured. And I’m tired.”
“I mean, I wouldn’t turn that down, regardless of how sore I am. But that’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?” I asked, not able to hold back a yawn.
“I mean, we need to talk about the future. Including my dick,” he added.
“I think you had too much whiskey.”
“No, that was just my indelicate way of getting to my point. About how I think I got enough life experience. And I think you did too. So, what do you think about giving it another go?”
“It,” I repeated.
“This. Us. You can’t pretend that we haven’t been building toward something again.”
“I’ve been doing nothing but denying that, actually,” I said, sharing a smile with him.
“Do you want to be with me?” Valen asked.
