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Heading through the quad, I spot Rachael a few yards ahead of me. She’s walking alone, and even though I’m late, this is the perfect time to talk to her. Running up toward her, I fall in step with her.
She glances over at me and rolls her eyes. “What?”
“You have class?”
She shakes her head. “Nope, but you do.”
No, it’s not creepy that she knows that. Ignoring that fact, I say, “Yeah, but I wanted to talk to you.”
She lets out an annoyed breath and says, “Why?”
“’Cause we need to. I feel like I need to fix this.”
She turns to face me and I stop, doing the same. “Are you going to love me?”
I shake my head, my face scrunching up. “No, I love Claire.”
“Then you can’t fix this, Jude. I’ve loved you since I was nine and you friend-zoned me, which was fine; I figured I’d get you one day. But then when I did, you still wouldn’t be with me. I’ve constantly just followed along with you, waiting and hoping. And now, you’re with someone and it hurts. You broke my heart.”
A little taken aback, I hold my hands out. “I never meant to. I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, if you would have asked or cared more about the person you were fucking instead of just using them as a hole to get off in, then you would have known,” she says, her eyes cutting me left and right.
“I never wanted anything more than sex, and you knew that from the start. This is not my fault.”
“How is it not your fault?” she screeches.
“’Cause like I said, Rachael, I never made any promises to anyone. I never once promised anyone anything. Yes, I said if I started dating I’d call, but I never promised it. I went in telling you and anyone else I fucked that it was a one-time thing. Nothing more. You kept coming back for more, and I’ll admit that you were a great lay, that’s why I kept taking it, but I never once looked you in the eyes and promised that I would love you, or tell you to love me. So if this is anyone’s fault, it’s yours.”
When her eyes start to fill with tears, I look away. I hate it when a girl cries. “Maybe you’re right, but it doesn’t ease the pain, Jude.”
“I get that, and I’m sorry that you’re hurti
ng. You are a sweet person when you’re not being a bitch, and you’ve been a good friend. I never meant to hurt you.”
She shakes her head, roughly wiping away a tear that falls. “I just don’t get how you can fuck everyone with no feelings, no cares in the world, but then one girl comes along, someone who isn’t even that big of a deal, and you change. It baffles me.”
“She may not be a big deal to you, but to me, she’s everything. I love her.”
“Whatever,” she says, dismissing me.
“It isn’t whatever, it’s for real, and I’d like it if you’d stop giving her a hard time and trying to fuck with our relationship. Respect that I love her and be a friend. Don’t be an asshole.”
Still not looking at me, she shakes her head. “You should be with me.”
This time I’m shaking my head. “No, Rachael, I’m meant to be with her, and as my friend, I hope that you remember that I love her and she is special to me, and you won’t cause any more problems.”
She doesn’t say anything and I almost walk away since I don’t know what else to say. But then she looks up at me, her lip wobbling, and she says, “I have to let you go completely, don’t I? Nothing will ever happen?”
Taking ahold of her hands, I squeeze them, willing her to listen to me. I don’t know any other way to tell this girl that nothing will ever happen. As much as it sucks to hurt her, I love Claire. She’s it.
“I can promise you that nothing will ever happen between us ever again. I love her. Let me go, Rachael.”
More tears fall and she wipes them away. “Fine, Jude.”
“Thank you.”
She doesn’t say anything else; instead she turns and leaves without even a glance back at me. While I know she’s still hurting, I like that this is fixed as much as it can be. She just needs time to get over me, and I hope that during that process, she won’t fuck with Claire and me. If she does, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to cut her completely out of my life, and I don’t want to do that. I enjoy her friendship; we’ve been friends since we were kids, but I will let that go for Claire.
