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“I wouldn’t ask you to,” I say softly, and he nods.
“I know you won’t, but you also won’t listen to your feelings. So let me put mine out there.”
“Okay?” I s
ay as my heart hammers against my ribs. Gooseflesh breaks out on my skin, the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. No one has ever told me I’m pretty or how they feel for me. Seth told me I was hot and that he wanted to be with me forever, but never that he loved me. I was so naïve and dumb that I didn’t realize that until after we were over. He was such a dick. But I don’t need to think about him, not when Jayden is talking to me.
“I’d like to date you, maybe even fall in love with you if you’d let me, because I feel like you deserve someone good, and I could be good for you. I don’t know what that dickfuck did to you, because you won’t tell me. But if you did, I’d listen, and I’d help you realize that he wasn’t worth your time. I am worth your time though, so give me a chance. Realize that I’m good for you. That with me, we can be better people.”
Speechless, I just watch as he shrugs. “I’ve known from the beginning that you were different, Baylor. I just need you to know that I am too,” he says as his eyes bore into mine. His body is so close, and thinking rationally isn’t an option when he’s this close to me. He makes me want to throw all caution to the wind. To go for what I want. But something is holding me back, and that’s the unknown. The scary part of every relationship. Because I know he’s different, and that’s what terrifies me.
“No answer, only that blank look that I’ve come to like a lot,” he says, looking away with a grin on his lips. “This is the part where I drop the mic and walk away, letting everything I said sink in. Hit me up if you want what I want, Baylor. But realize that I won’t wait forever.”
I watch as he gathers up all the drinks and turns to walk away. But before he is out of earshot, I say, “You shouldn’t have to.”
He looks over his shoulder at me. “But I would if I hadn’t promised I wouldn’t. So, yeah, don’t make me wait long, okay?”
Giving me one last wink, he walks away as I whisper, “Okay.”
But it isn’t okay.
It’s so far from okay, it’s insane because I have no fucking clue what to do.
But I do know I want him.
And that alone has me holding on to the bar for support.
Jayden’s right across the hall.
And I want him so bad, it’s unreasonable.
I keep replaying our conversation last night, and I’m still so breathless. He wants me, and God, I want him. I know all I have to do is walk over there and say, “Hey, wanna hook up?” and he’d be down, but something is keeping me from doing that. It’s driving me insane; I’ve never thought this much about a guy. But here I am, actually sitting here, thinking about the way his hair falls in his eyes. And how that beanie that was on his head last night made him ten times hotter. It’s ridiculous. Pathetic almost, but it’s what I’m doing.
But still I don’t go over there.
I mean, come on, I’m a big girl, and being scared of him is a little pitiful. I need to look at this like a game. The variables are there. We have a boy and a girl. They like each other and they want to have fun, get to know each other. But the problem with getting to know each other is that I have to open up parts of me that I never open to anyone because I know Jayden won’t sit back and let me only give him pieces. And I know that’s what’s holding me back. I feel some pretty shitty stuff, and my dad doesn’t even know half of it. No one does, but I know Jayden will want to know.
He’ll want all of me.
“Hey, Moore, wanna come down and play Mario Kart?”
Looking from where I am staring at the ceiling over to Markus, I shake my head. While I love Mario Kart and would love to kick their sorry little asses, I’m too obsessed with figuring out this whole Jayden thing. “Sorry, I’m busy.”
His brows come up before he says, “You’re lying in the bed, staring at the ceiling.”
“Thinking,” I point out before waving him away. “Leave me be with my thoughts.”
But he doesn’t go away. I kinda didn’t expect him to. I’m learning that Markus marches to his own drum; he doesn’t care that I don’t want to be his friend. He’s gonna make me be his friend. Kind of like Delanie did. Maybe that’s how I work, you have to make me be your friend. And shit, that’s sad. I really need to work on that.
Coming to my bed, he sits down and places his hand on my knee. “Tell Dr. Markus what’s wrong.”
I laugh as I roll my eyes, pushing his hand off me. “Whatever, get out.”
“No, you need to talk, and I want to listen,” he says, crossing his arms and grinning down at me. His eyes are such an inviting caramel color. He’s very adorable, and for some reason, I start talking.
“There’s this guy,” I say, letting out a breath as I sit up.
Grinning at me, he says, “That’s usually how it starts. Dudes be fucking up females on the real.”
