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“Honey!”
Smacking her hands away, I sit up, the tears burning my eyes, pain throbbing along my nose, and blood dripping down my lips. Narrowing my eyes at Matty, I say, “I hate you.”
“Same here, sweetheart,” he says with a wink.
My body is shaking with anger as I get up slowly, ignoring the help my mother is trying to give me. I refuse to be weak. I refuse to let him know he hurt me. So I hold my head high, covering
my injured nose as I walk out of the kitchen.
And no one stops me.
Because I don’t fucking matter.
Reaching my room, I push the door open and go straight to my bathroom to clean up. Holding on to the sink, I suck in a sob as my blood drips into my sink. The last time blood was on this sink, I caused it. I sat here and dragged the knife so far into my skin that my wrists still burn to this day. I can still see the blood pouring from them and the feeling of weakness spilling from my body. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be around these people.
They only hurt me.
When a towel appears in front of my face, I look up to see Julian. Taking it from him, I sniff before holding it to my face. “Don’t cry, Avery,” he says, cupping my shoulder. “They aren’t worth your tears.” My head jerks in a nod as he smiles. “Anything you need?”
Jace. I need Jace.
Shaking my head, my voice is muffled as I say, “No, I’m fine. I’m just gonna go to bed.”
“Okay, call for me if you do.”
“Thank you,” I say as he turns and leaves the room, shutting my door in the process. Closing my eyes, I lean back into the sink and then slide down it, welcoming the pain of the knobs digging into my back. When my butt hits the floor, I shake my head, unsure why this is the family God chose for me. Why couldn’t I get a supportive, loving family like Jace? Yeah, it’s a little damaged, but aren’t we all? I know I am.
That shouldn’t matter. My mom should love me—they all should—but yet no one hasn’t even come to check on me. Nope. Nothing. I just don’t understand, but it’s starting to make me realize that maybe it wasn’t me who wasn’t enough. Maybe it was they who weren’t enough for me. Maybe I’m not the problem, or it isn’t even hockey that’s the problem.
It’s them.
Because Jace wouldn’t ever let that happen, neither would his momma. Hell, his whole family. They would never speak to each other like that. They would be there for each other, lifting each other up. Hell, they do the same for me, and they don’t even know me. Yeah, they may wrestle and be silly, but they would never push someone with the intent to hurt them. No, only the people who are my blood do this to me. What did I ever do to deserve this?
Closing my eyes, the tears come fast down my throbbing face. Everything hurts. My face, my body, my heart. God, my heart hurts most of all. I just want Jace. I want Nashville. I want to never see these people again. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m not even home, when that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be. No one should feel like this. Like the walls are closing in and you are alone. It just isn’t fair.
When my phone sounds with a notification, I think it’s a text. I pull my phone out, still holding my head up to keep the blood at bay. When I see that it’s a notification from Facebook, I plan to ignore it, but then I see that Jace has been tagged in a photo by Delanie Collins. I swallow hard, blinking away my tears as I slide the notification over and wait for my Facebook to load.
Then I wish I hadn’t.
Because staring back at me is a picture of the man I love, grinning, while his so-called ex-girlfriend kisses the side of his mouth.
Delanie Collins with Jace Sinclair: So good to be with this guy tonight. I’ve missed him more than I care to admit. Let the good times roll! #backtogether #timeapartisnothing #justlikebefore #boyfriendmaterial
As a new round of sobs burns in my chest, I can only shake my head.
Apparently, I don’t matter to anyone.
I don’t exist.
Because the love of my life looks pretty happy without me, while I’m sitting on my bathroom floor, sobbing and bleeding, not only from my nose but my heart.
All I can feel is empty.
Completely empty.
I didn’t want to come out.
I really didn’t.
