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Chapter Forty-One
Sofia
I strokemy fingers along Ryan’s jaw, but he’s dead to the world. He came back to bed around one last night, and when he realized I was awake, he made love to me.
I’m forever yours.
Those words play over and over again in my head. His rough voice, his burning gaze, it all makes me feel so raw. How am I supposed to let go of someone who looks at me like he does and says words like that? It hurts. Everywhere. I don’t want to think of it, but it’s all I think of when my mind is left alone. I want to give him everything. I want to be with him for the rest of my existence, and it kills me that I’ve allowed myself to get here when I knew from the beginning he was leaving. I also knew he would never let me give up everything for him. Which I know I don’t want, but still.
I should have just resisted.
I swallow my laughter as I nuzzle my nose into his neck. Resist? Please. I had no chance once he decided he would make me his. I trail my fingers down his chest, circling his hard pecs and his even harder stomach. I hate this thought, but I wish he were like Drew. Or I was like Drew. Ha. That would never happen. It’s not in our blood. We want the other to succeed and do big things. We want the other to be so fucking happy. Even if it doesn’t include us both.
That’s why I love him so.
I close my eyes as I inhale his unforgettable scent. It’s so woodsy, so spicy like the tobacco barn that burned beside the trail I ran along when I first got here. He smells divine, and it brings tears to my eyes knowing I won’t have this to keep forever. I watch as he takes in deep breaths, letting them out slowly, a low rumble from his large chest. I love his soft snoring that he claims he doesn’t do. It soothes me.
If I stay here, I’m gonna cry.
I push the blankets off my naked body and get up. Reaching for my PJ shorts and one of Ryan’s long tees, I head to the bathroom. After going through my morning routine, I head out of the room quietly and then walk downstairs. Maybe someone is up, and they can distract me from my pitiful thoughts. Thankfully, I hear movement in the kitchen as I reach the bottom of the stairs. I head toward the noise and find Mrs. Justice at the sink filling the coffeepot.
She looks over her shoulder at me, and a bright grin covers her beautiful face. “Ah, Sofia. Good morning. You’re up early.”
I shrug as I walk in, heading to the counter beside her. “I’ve been getting up at four the past nine days. I usually run and then afterward head to the gym. Pretty sure if I tried that this morning, Ryan would kill me. He’s out cold up there.”
She chuckles softly. “He’s always been a sleeper, and I know he is worn out. He was beyond busy when he was gone. Every time I called, he would rush me off the phone.”
I grimace. I wonder if it’s because he was talking to me? Shit. “Yeah, he was.”
“To talk to you,” she says with a sneaky grin, and I smile sheepishly, my face flushing.
“Maybe?”
“Don’t be embarrassed or even try to feel guilty. I’m so happy he is with you.”
My heart warms. “Really?”
“Oh yes. He wasn’t much of a dater in his teens. He had one girlfriend, I think, but I don’t think she was ever really his, not like you. I don’t know. It was weird. One day, they were good, the next, they were screaming at each other. Very dramatic.”
“Sounds fun,” I say with wide eyes, and she laughs.
“Exactly, and then there was no one during college, until you.”
I don’t know why that fills me with joy, but it does. I like that he felt I was special enough to be with. I feel the same for him.
“He’s my first boyfriend. Ever.”
Mrs. Justice smiles over at me. “I think Amelia told me that, but look at how great of a gymnast you are as a result. In a way, I’d say you weren’t missing much.”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I think the way I grew up tainted me. I missed a few opportunities with Ryan at the beginning ’cause I tried to fight it off. But alas, he’s just so dreamy,” I tease, and she laughs.
“That he is,” she adds with a grin as she pours a cup of coffee. “Want a cup?”
“Yes, please.”
I take the cup she offers, and we head to the table. She sips hers and sighs very loudly. “I may be a tad hungover.”
I snort in disbelief. “Really?”
“Yes, my sister-in-law is hell-bent on getting me drunk every chance she gets. She loves it. Says I don’t let loose enough.”
“Do you not?”
“No,” she says with a laugh. “But I don’t have time. I worry for my babies, I work my ass off, and I miss my husband. So when in the middle of all that should I drink more?”
“Some would say all the time.”
She laughs at that. “No wonder Elli adores you,” she says sweetly as she leans back, bringing her knees up to her chest. She rests her cup on them as she sighs. “James used to say Amelia was going to put us in an early grave. If he were still here, this crap with that idiot Drew would be what killed him.” My stomach drops as I watch her shake her head. “But then, there is no talking to Amelia. When she has her heart set on something, she does it.”
“Some would appreciate that. Except when she’s wanting to give up everything for some dude.”
“For sure,” she agrees, a soulless laugh leaving her lips, but then she looks to me over her cup. “Would you do it? Give it all up for Ryan?”
I look away, swallowing a mouthful of coffee. “We wouldn’t let the other do that. We respect each other too much.”
A smile pulls at her lips. “Which is how it should be.”
“I asked Amelia not to go,” I say, and I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter. Amelia is set on going. No one can change her mind, not even Shelli.
“Well, we all told her no, so I guess it’s good someone actually asked her not to.”
“She didn’t listen.”
“And she won’t. She’s like her brother. When she has her mind set on something, it’s hard to deter them or even let them see reason.” I nod in agreement, but then she shakes her head quickly. “Enough about this. I can’t dwell, or I’ll be joining my husband very quickly. While I would enjoy that, I have two kids to continue raising.”
