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Chapter Forty-Six
Sofia
“Oh, he makes me blazing mad.”
I look in the mirror at Amelia as she straightens my hair.
“Have you talked to him?” she asks.
“I called him to wish him a happy birthday, and then I asked if he still wanted to go to dinner with me. He said yes, obviously, but I’m so mad.”
Amelia nods. “I get it.”
“I mean, how dare he? I’ve never given him any reason to question my love or my damn support. I’ve done everything but tattoo his name on my chest. He’s so frustrating,” I complain, shaking my head. I hold my finger up to her. “And you know what really gets me going?”
“What?”
“I miss him. Like I want to whack him upside the head, but then I want to wrap my arms around him and tell him I love him, that he’s got this, and whatever he chooses, I support. He makes me crazy!”
She laughs softly. “That’s how it is when you really love someone.”
“Well, I’m glad you don’t question that. Dumbass.”
She smirks at me as she runs the straightener down my hair. We sit in silence, me stewing as she happily does my hair. I bet she’s eating this up. Ryan and I hardly ever fight, and when we do fight, it’s over stupid shit. This is real, and it sucks. I hate that we’re fighting, especially when all I want to do is be there for him. I can’t tell him what to do, but I can support him, which is what I’m trying to do.
But it’s his birthday. Do I stay mad, or do I let it go because it’s his day? I had so much prepared for tonight. I had all kinds of plans for pushing him down on the hotel bed I reserved for us tonight and making sweet, mind-blowing love to him.
Now I want to set it all on fire. Him included.
Jerk.
“If you had the choice, what would you want him to do?”
I meet her gaze, and then I look away, shaking my head. “I’d want him to stay and take the job as a trainer. But that’s only because I don’t feel his heart is truly in the NHL.”
She’s shocked by that, her eyes widening as she stares at me. “You don’t?”
“No. I mean, I know he wants it, and he’s in it. But I see how he lights up when he talks about training with the team or when he aces a test. I don’t see that when he comes off the ice. I see stress, and he beats himself up so much.”
“I completely agree with you,” she says then, and I look up to her.
“You do?”
“Yeah. I want him to get his dreams. I do. But maybe he isn’t right for the NHL. And if that’s the case, that’s fine ’cause he just got offered an amazing job he should take.”
I shrug. “But it’s not our choice.”
“It’s not.”
“I just want him to be happy.”
“I know, and it only makes me love you more.”
Our gazes meet, and I smile. “If you were me and Ryan was Drew, what would you do?”
“I’d tell him to take the job so I didn’t have to live without him.”
My eyes burn into hers. “I don’t want to live without him. I don’t. But I will because I want him to be so happy. The problem with all that is he doesn’t know what will make him happy. Or he does, and he’s worried about making the wrong choice and disappointing everyone. I refuse to be the reason he chooses one or the other. I just want to love him. That’s all.”
Amelia leans in, hugging me tightly around the neck. “Then stick to your guns. Love him. He’ll figure it out.”
Man, I hope so.
The ride to Husk passes in complete silence.
It’s obvious he’s pissed at me, and I’m sure he knows I’m not happy either. We walk into the restaurant and are taken to our table I had reserved back in January. Ryan walks behind me, neither of us speaking as we sit down. When I look across the table at him, I roll my eyes. Of course, he is stunningly gorgeous tonight. He’s wearing my favorite blue suit, and he didn’t wear a tie. Just the way I like. His jaw is free of stubble, and it’s easy to see it’s very strained. Yeah, he’s pissed.
As the waitress goes over the specials, I watch him. I hate this. I hold up my hand and send her an apologetic smile. “I’m so very sorry, but can you come back in like ten minutes?”
She looks put out, and I don’t blame her. I’m being rude, but I can’t let this go on any longer. She mutters something, and I push my seat back as Ryan asks, “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I answer as I walk to him. I push his seat back, surprising him before I sit down in his lap. He looks up, drawing in his brows as his arms come around me. I wrap my arms around his neck. “Listen, I can’t do this.”
His eyes search mine, and he nods. “I can’t either.”
My heart aches as I stare into his eyes. “I love you. So much. I can’t fight with you.”
“I don’t want to fight with you, but you just looked so pissed, I figured I’d wait you out,” he says, a little grin pulling at his lips. “Which is torture when you look like a billion bucks. I didn’t take you for a vengeful person, but I’m pretty sure you’re trying to kill me with this dress.”
My face breaks into a grin as I bend my head to his, pressing my nose into his. “The hair and makeup are all Amelia, and I wore this dress to do just that.”
“I knew it,” he mutters against my lips before taking them with his. I lean into the kiss, missing him like crazy. We’ve never gone a whole day or night not speaking, and while it sucked, I’m a stubborn ass just like he is. When he pulls away, he cups my jaw, gazing up into my eyes. “Listen, about yesterday—”
“Lots of emotion there, and we both said things we shouldn’t have.”
He nods. “I’m sorry if I seemed to question your love for me. I didn’t mean to at all.”
“I know. I just freaked. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
“I probably deserved it. I really didn’t realize you were upset about your mom, and I was being a jerk. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. We’re gonna fight, Ryan. We’re too passionate not to. But it’s how we say sorry that will mean the most.”
He runs his thumb over my lip, his eyes blazing into mine. “Well, I think we can find some way to say sorry when we get out of here.”
“We sure can,” I say with a wink, and he grins before kissing my jaw.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers against my lips, and I melt into him. I kiss his lips once more before getting up. He grabs my ass, and I flash him a grin as I go back to my seat. His eyes capture mine, and then he’s the one who’s standing. He pulls my chair and me beside his, and I laugh.
“You’re insane.”
“You’re too far away.” He drops down into his seat, leaning on my seat to gaze into my eyes. “You didn’t talk to me all day. I’ve got time to make up for.”
“We have all night. I got us a hotel room.”
He waggles his brows. “Man, someone is pulling out all the stops for my birthday.”
“Yup, so many blow jobs are in your future.”
“I love you,” he says, moving his lips along mine. I kiss his top lip before he takes a deep breath, staring into my eyes. I watch as his eyes change, the lust and desire leaving and the confliction settling deep in his blue gaze. “I don’t know what to do, Sofia,” he whispers. “My mom, she’s with Elli. She wants me to take the job. Shea thinks I should wait out the NHL. And I don’t know.”
I hesitate. I don’t want this to become another fight, but he needs me. “Ryan, what do you want?”
He leans back, shaking his head. “I don’t know. I mean, how do you turn down a job with the Assassins?”
“Well, if you don’t love it as much as you love playing hockey, it’s pretty cut-and-dried.”
