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“What?”
“Why did you close off your feelings?”
He looks uncomfortable as he moves to make another s’more. “It wasn’t like I planned it. I just never wanted to put myself out there. I think it started with you.”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you shut me down, and I couldn’t have you. I didn’t like that rejection, so I figured, don’t allow yourself to feel again.”
“Well, damn,” I say, caught off guard by that. “Way to put all the blame on me.”
He grins over his shoulder at me. “If the shoe fits, baby.” I smack him with my s’more maker, and he glares. “Hey, now,” he scolds. “Let me take my pants off first.”
I can’t. I fall over laughing as he grins over at me. Lying on my back, I eat my s’more, and I can’t think of anywhere else I want to be. This is so perfect. So right. Even with everything up in the air, I am happy.
“I’m gonna ask your dad first.”
I look over at him as he sits back, unloading his s’more from its maker. “Huh?”
“I want to tell our parents, but I want to talk to Jakob about it first.”
I sit up on my elbow, picking at my s’more. I don’t feel right about that. Not yet. “I don’t know, maybe we should wait. I hate to tell everyone, and bam, something happens.”
I don’t have to look directly at him to see the disdain on his face. “Something like what? You know I won’t hurt you.”
I zone in on my s’more, picking at the marshmallow and playing with it in my fingers, feeling a little self-conscious. “I know that, not intentionally, at least.”
“What the fuck does that mean?”
I meet his intense gaze. “Calm down, killer.”
But I’ve pissed him off. “You make it seem like I’m going to be the one to fuck this up. I have no intention of doing so.”
I sit up, leaning on my knees. “I’m aware, and neither am I, but I feel like I’m in a little deeper than you are, and it makes me nervous that you won’t get there.”
His eyes burn into mine. “Can’t give me a chance?”
“I mean, you’re the one all closed off to the thought of it—”
“But I’m trying,” he insists, his intense gaze not faltering. “Do you feel I’m not?”
My mouth is dry. “It’s not that. It’s just that I worry it was so easy to do so with Jasmine—”
“For fucking fuck, can we leave that in the past?”
I press my lips together, my eyes narrowing. “Why are you being a jackass?”
“Because I thought we were doing great, and then you say that. I’m trying, and you’re the one who said you’d be patient.”
“And I am. But I don’t want to rush off, telling everyone that we’re together, and you decide you can’t feel what I feel, and this ends.”
It’s as if I’ve hit him. “That’s not fair.”
“Life isn’t fair,” I throw back at him. “Be honest. When we tell them, they’ll get excited and plan our wedding and name our first child. Are you ready for that?”
I can see the terror all over his face, but to my surprise, he says, “Yeah, it scares me, but I can handle it.”
“That’s what I mean. It scares you. I don’t want to do anything until you can look at me and want those things.”
