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"Same diff." He smiles in a way he probably thinks is charming, but I think he looks like a moron. "Why do you want to date a British guy? He's a dick, that's what I hear. Let me take you out tonight, and I'll show you what a red-blooded American can do."
"Thank you for the offer, but my social calendar is full."
"Social calendar?" he says with a laugh. "Damn, the way you say that makes me so hot for you."
"I feel chilly for you."
"Catriona, darling, you should've told me you invited your harem." Alex walks up to the bench and offers me his hand. He holds a picnic basket in his other hand. "I would've brought more food. Group sex always leaves me famished."
I accept Alex's hand, rising from the bench.
The American scunner stands up too and sneers at Alex. "Dude, I don't get naked with other guys."
"Neither do I, so we're even." Alex waves a hand in a negligent gesture. "Toddle off to your nursery. I'm sure it's time for your next bottle feeding."
"You really think you're hot shit, don't you? Nobody here is impressed, sissy boy."
Alex chuckles. "I've been called much worse than that."
"I bet you have." The scunner moves closer, and his friends edge nearer too. "I can take you anytime, anywhere."
"Can you?" Alex sets down the picnic basket and steps to the side, drawing out a distance between us. "Let's make a wager on that."
"You're on. What are the stakes?"
Alex pulls a quarter out of his pocket and holds it up between his thumb and forefinger. "If you can take this coin from me, I'll let you have Catriona."
He won't actually give me to the eejit. Whatever Alex means to do, he's dead sure he can pull it off. And I trust him. Besides, I never agreed to this wager, so I can skelp the laddie if he wins. Aye, that means I'll slug him. It helps to grow up with three brothers. They taught me how to throw a punch.
"On the count of three," Alex tells the scunner, "you grab the coin. One, two, three."
The laddie lunges for Alex, but the Brit dodges the American deftly. The eejit tries three times, but he can't catch Alex. So he tries to ram his head into Alex's gut, but the Brit sidesteps him again. The lad trips and falls down on the concrete path.
"I'll report you to the campus police," the scunner snarls as he struggles to his feet. "That's assault."
"No, it's not," Alex says while tossing the coin and catching it in his palm. "I never laid a finger on you. Your clumsiness is hardly my fault."
"I want a rematch."
"Well, if you insist." Alex tucks the coin into his trouser pocket. "Try to get that quarter now."
The laddie runs toward the Brit and shoves his hand into Alex's pocket, clearly trying to retrieve the coin. He digs around in there as if he can't quite find the quarter. Finally, the laddie gives up, throws his arms in the air, and lets out a frustrated noise. "You cheated somehow. It's not in your pocket."
"I never said it was." Alex opens his hand, palm up, revealing the coin. "You assumed that's what I meant when I told you to try to get that quarter."
The scunner bares his gritted teeth. "You slimy—"
"Uh-uh-uh. I never assaulted you. But I'm afraid all these witnesses watched you assault me and sexually harass me."
"I never touched your dick."
"You were rooting about in my trousers."
"Because you said—Gah! You're one sick, twisted piece of work."
Alex tosses the coin to the laddie. "Here's your consolation prize. Now toddle back to your wet nurse. A twat like you shouldn't try it on with a sophisticated woman."
Did he just call me sophisticated? No one has ever referred to me that way before. I like it.
