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Chapter Twenty-One
The smile Kaylee had been bravely trying to muster fell, and her shoulders sagged against the pillow.
Her world crumbled with Luke’s words and the sad resignation in his voice.
She knew this was coming, knew she couldn’t keep up this charade. Falling off the horse had reminded her of who she really was and how so much of the time she’d spent with Luke had been a fantasy. As much as she wanted to fight for him, she knew winning him would be an empty victory if the victor was Sassy.
It was better to let him go and fade back into her fictional world where broken hearts happened on the page and didn’t split her apart.
She pressed her lips together to keep from crying. She had to get the words out. Quick, like a Band-Aid, before she lost the courage to say them. For the last time, she summoned Sassy’s mettle. “I can’t do this either.”
Luke winced as if her words had physically slayed him.
But she had to keep going. Had to get the truth out.
“I’m not the person you think I am. I’ve just been pretending to be her.”
His brows drew together in a scowl. “Pretending? What do you mean?”
“I’m so sorry. But this just isn’t me. I’m not fun or funny or the life of any party. I’m dull and boring, and the characters in my books are way more fearless than I am. Which is why I pretended to be Sassy.”
“Sassy? Who’s Sassy? You mean the one in your book? I don’t understand.”
“I was terrified to come here, scared to spend time on the farm and hang out with you. Well, not you, not in the beginning, but with some guy I didn’t know. So I thought if I pretended to be Sassy, to channel her personality and use it as my own, then I could get through this ordeal and do what I had to do to get back home.”
He flinched. “Spending time with me was an ‘ordeal’ you were just trying to get through?”
“Well, just in the beginning. Because when I met you, you reminded me so much of Duke, you know, Sassy’s hero, and you were soo good-looking and strong, and I was so intimidated, I just wanted to get back in my car and drive away. I felt like such an idiot with that stupid hat on and holding your least favorite kind of cake.”
A hint of a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. “I liked that hat.”
Oh gosh, his smile almost did her in. She dropped her gaze to her lap—she couldn’t look at him or she’d never be able to finish. “You didn’t know me—didn’t know the timid awkward nerd that I normally was. And part of me liked the idea of being someone else for a while. Someone better, who was more fun and adventurous and wasn’t afraid of her own shadow. So, I took on the persona of my fictional character and pretended to be her.”
She lifted her shoulders as she picked at a spot of dried mud on her hand. “When you asked me to muck out stalls and run fence, instead of shying away like Kaylee would do, I channeled Sassy and jumped in with a shovel. But now it’s gone too far, and I feel like I’ve misled you.”
He took a step back, his expression pained as if her words had slapped him in the face, any hint of a smile gone. “So all this time we were together, that was all just pretend for you?”
“No, of course not.”
“Becausemyfeelings were real.”
“My feelings were real too.Arereal. Butmyfeelings don’t matter. What matters is that you think you fell for someone whoisn’treal.”
“Youarereal. This doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve spent an entire week with you. I do know you.”
A sob threatened to break from her. She wanted so much to take back everything she’d said, for things to go back to the way they were this morning, but now that the truth was out, she couldn’t undo it. “You don’t knowme. You know the person I was pretending to be.”
He took another step back. Another stepawayfrom her. Every step he took broke off another piece of her shattered heart. “I guess I did. And I bought it all, hook, line, and sinker. I thought we really had something.”
“I know.” She sucked in a breath, swallowing at the pain in her throat. “I did too, but I can’t start something with you that is based on a lie. I tried to be Sassy, but I’m not her. I don’t know how to do this.”
“I don’t even know what to say.”
“I do. I’m leaving. Today. I’ll start back or find a hotel.” She pointed to the bandage on her head. “As soon as they stitch me up and discharge me, I’ll get Gladys and the rest of my things from the ranch and leave.”
He slowly nodded as if mulling the idea over. “I think that’s probably best.” He turned to leave then stopped and looked back at her. “I thought I was strong enough to do this, to care about someone again, but I’m just not. This is too hard. Too painful. My heart broke when I lost Beth, and I just don’t know how to grow another one.” He took a deep breath. “I’ll send Dean back to pick you up. Goodbye Kaylee.”
She tried to tell him goodbye, but the word came out as a sob as the curtain dropped behind him, and she could hear his boot heels walking away.
