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I closed my eyes and tried to breathe my way through the panic. I had to think of something—anything—positive to cling to, but every idea that came to mind represented more misery.Jürgen is never home. Mayim is gone. The children have been brainwashed. My country is broken.
An idea finally struck me and I gasped, the tightness in my chest easing as I sucked in fresh air.
The baby. The baby. I must stay calm for the baby.
I sipped at the water slowly, ever so slowly, as my heart rate began to settle. Jürgen gave me a searching look, but I forced a smile to let him know that I was fine. I walked back to the table, offered the same smile to Lydia, and announced, “We’re expecting.”
My voice was a little hoarse, but that was not unusual, given I’d just been so ill. Lydia didn’t miss a beat—she gave me a delighted grin and exclaimed, “What marvelous news!”
Karl had taken the seat opposite her, and she leaned toward him and said, “Karl, we owe these two congratulations. They are finally pregnant again!”
“Congratulations!” Karl boomed, helping himself to some sweets.
“We’re hoping for another baby right away too,” Lydia said happily, touching a hand to her belly. “These new little ones can be the best of friends, just like the older children.”
“You know the Führer has asked all Reich men to sire four children. Lydia and I are hoping to more than double that,” Karl announced. Then he thumped Jürgen on the back. “I’m so thrilled for you that you’re doing your part too.”
Over his shoulder, I saw that Laura now held the stick, and she was chasing the other children around, laughing and squealing. This time, it was Georg’s turn to fall dramatically to the ground, writhing as he “died.”
Ignore the dissonant notes. Ignore the dissonant notes.
“Maybe it’s time for cake,” I said brightly. “Come on, children. Gather round.”
Focus on the music.
“Are you still comfortable enough to travel?” Jürgen asked when he called in late November. I looked down at my swollen belly. It had taken me much longer to show with my third pregnancy, but I’d more than made up for lost time, and with ten weeks to go, I was already bursting out of my maternity smocks.
“Travelwhere?” I asked him warily.
“Otto has decided we need to hold a launch in a few weeks here at Peenemünde. Some of the top brass will be in attendance. He suggested you and Lydia might want to come too.”
My back ached. My ankles were swollen. I was so cranky and uncomfortable, I dreaded the thought of a car ride across the city, let alone a five-hour drive across the country. I closed my eyes and imagined how good it would be to see him—to hold him. I’d only seen him a handful of times over the course of the whole pregnancy.
“I’ll be there,” I promised him.
I left the children with Adele and arranged for Lydia and her driver to pick me up. We were on the road before dawn to make the trip to Rügen. From there, we would travel to the island by boat.
“They’ve canceled the pomp and circumstance,” Lydia said with a sigh as we traveled. “I’m so disappointed. I was looking forward to some flair.”
The weather had been dreadful, so the observation towers remained unfinished, and worse, no less than three test launches had failed unexpectedly. This forth test launch would go ahead, but there would be no audience for it beyond me and Lydia.
“I think Otto is only allowing us to visit because morale has been low. And Karl tells me Otto and his superiors have been very pleased with—” she cleared her throat delicately “—well, with Jürgen’s improved attitude in recent times. They wanted to reward him, I think. That’s why they’ve booked us hotel rooms on Rügen for the night, so we don’t have to stay in the dormitory on the island.” She gave me a hopeful smile. “I hope you know, my friend, the future is so bright for you two if you keep on this path.”
When I blinked, I was back in the courtyard with my exhausted husband, staring at his blackened eye.Keep on the path?Taking even a step offmeant death.
“Jürgen is devoted to the program,” I said hollowly. “We’re both committed.”
Karl met us at the jetty on the island, and after greeting Lydia with a kiss, he helped me disembark and then led me to a waiting Army vehicle. As a young soldier drove us to the other end of the island, Karl poured us hot tea from a thermos and offered treats procured from a café in Rügen. The car came to a stop on a hill, and Karl opened the door for us. There was little shelter—just a small, three-sided wooden shack.
Farther down the hill a larger building had been erected, along with two half-constructed towers and some half-built stands, clearly intended for a future audience.
“Where is Jürgen?” I asked Karl, as he helped me to a seat in the shack.
“All going well, you’ll see him after the launch,” he assured me. Then he pointed ahead. Some distance from the other buildings, a white rocket was visible beside scaffolding. It was difficult for me to judge its size at first—until, with a start, I realized that the swarm of dark objects moving around the base was people.
“How big is it?” I asked Karl uneasily.
“This is the Aggregate 3. She’s twenty-two feet long and two and a half feet wide. She weighs over 1,600 pounds.” He tilted his head at me, brows knitting. “Are you not feeling well, Sofie? You’re awfully pale.”
