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“I know.”
“But Calvin is a good guy. Army life has its ups and downs, but I don’t think they’d have taken me if he hadn’t put in a good word. Things got pretty bad for me for a while there, Lizzie. I wasn’t in my right mind. I still have bad days now, but they come and they go, and whether it’s a bad day or a good day, I have to get up and out of that bed before God is awake, because that’s how the Army works. Your Calvin saved me when he didn’t even know me. That’s a top kind of man right there. When I couldn’t look after you, I was glad to hear he was.”
“He really does look after me.” And I was trying to do the same for him. I wasn’t much of a girlfriend, and our relationship wasn’t exactly typical. I was still trying to figure out how to dress and act like the kind of woman a man like Cal deserved to marry.
“This should be the happiest time of your life.”
“It is,” I said, frowning. “Why would you think otherwise?”
“You’re pretty and dolled up, but you’re acting like you’re not even you.” He flicked me a confused glance. “At dinner with Cal and his parents, you hardly said a word.” We’d gone to the Hilton’s restaurant for old times’ sake, and Cal and his mother and father were staying there for the night, since it wasn’t appropriate for us to sleep in the same house before the wedding.
“It’s a big change.” I shrugged. “I’m nervous, that’s all.”
“I know. I get that. And tomorrowisyour wedding night. I guess a girl would normally talk to her mother about these things, but with Mother not being here—”
“No! Stop it!” I said, covering my face with my hands. “God, Henry!”
When I peeked out from behind my hands, the relief on Henry’s face was palpable. I laughed, despite the heat on my cheeks. But he kept looking at me, that question still in his eyes, and I felt obliged to explain.
“Since even before the drought, everything that came my way meant a struggle. Calvin wants to take care of me. This wedding is the right move for both of us.”
“You know I loved Betsy like crazy, but even so, I’m not sure that I’m much of a romantic,” Henry said, his voice low. “I’ll tell you this much—if I was Calvin and you were Betsy, and Betsy was talking about me like you just talked about Calvin, I don’t know that I would want that wedding to happen.”
“Henry!”
“You can’t marry a man just because he has the money to buy you a big house. That’s not how marriage works.”
“I’ll have a good life with Calvin,” I said abruptly. “I’m not using him, if that’s what you’re trying to imply.”
“Maybe you’re not exactly using him, but you haven’t once told me that you love him either.”
“I do love him,” I protested weakly. “I just...”
“If you don’t want to marry him, it’s not too late to stop this,” Henry said suddenly. “Calvinisa good man, but I know he’d rather you tell him so if you’re not sure about this.”
I could imagine going inside to my suitcase, still sitting on the dresser, open and still half-full. It wouldn’t take me long to repack. Me and Henry could be back at the bus station within an hour. We could take the first bus out of town.
Butthenwhat?
Henry would have to go back to Kansas on Monday, and I’d be adrift and alone again. And Calvin adoredme. He was a wonderful boyfriend—considerate, compassionate, respectful. He’d be a generous provider. There were worse things I could do to support myself than marry a man I held in such high esteem, even if I weren’t in love with him. Besides, that might change. I’d never fallen in love with anyone—but maybe I’d just never given a man the chance to win my heart.
“I want to marry him,” I said firmly. “Cal and I are going to have a good marriage. You’ll see.”
