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CHAPTER9
tori
It’s been a few days since I created this stupid account, and I should’ve known better. I should’ve never poured my heart out to someone the way that I did. I most likely scared them off and I can’t say I blame them.
I do a double-take though when the status indicates that the other person is currently replying to my messages. Maybe I was wrong or maybe they’re getting ready to tell me no thanks, they’re no long interested in chatting.
I wait and wait but nothing shows up in my inbox regardless how many times I refresh the page.
I find myself slipping deeper and deeper into a depression state. It was pretty bad following Kyle’s death and the way I’m feeling right now is very similar. Rena would be upset if she knew I was battling these feelings without reaching out to her—David too for that matter—but I don’t want to burden either of them with my troubles. They have their own lives and worrying about me is the last thing either of them need to deal with.
The thought of going away enters my mind again and I’m convinced now more than I was a few days ago, this is exactly what I need. I need a change of scenery, I need fresh air, and I need a new outlook on life. Dwelling on this sadness isn’t going to make things better. In fact, it’s only going to make things worse.
I pull my suitcase from the closet and begin to toss things inside. I don’t care if anything is folded neatly or not. At this point I don't even care if anything even matches. The sooner I can get away and get out of this miserable town the better I will feel.
Instead of waiting until morning to leave, I load my car and try to prepare myself mentally for the almost six hour drive to Sechelt Inlet. Kyle's parents have told me many times that I was more than welcome to stay in their cabin, but I never wanted to burden them by asking. I never wanted them to think that I was this desperate and this alone. Until now.
If I can just make it to the Canadian border tonight, I'll find a hotel to stay in then make the drive to catch the ferry first thing in the morning. And even though I would like to see them, I don't want to have to explain why this sudden sadness has come over me. Because to be honest, I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way either.
It never even crosses my mind that I should call David and have him stop by the house. Mostly because I don't want him to worry about me.
I collapse as soon as my head hits the pillow, and my mind takes me back to a time when Kyle and I were together. Things were so much better when my husband was still alive.
I get an early start the next morning, despite the few hours of sleep I was able to get. While I'm waiting for the ferry to come in, I pull my phone from my purse and browse through my messages.
It’s the first chance I’ve had to read the messageBlaznDleft me earlier. As much as I’d like t ask him about his profile name, I don’t feel it really warrants any explaining. IfBlaznDthinks he’s hot, then that’s his choice.
It’s obvious from his reply he’s more confident than I’ll ever be, and I have to admire him for that.
By the time I make it to the cabin and I’ve raised the windows for it to air out,BlaznDhas left me another response. These back and forth messages continue the rest of the day and even later into the evening. He reminds me a lot of David by some the things he says and that prompts me I need to reach out to him. I’d hate for him to worry about me when it really isn’t necessary. Although I’m sure he’ll be disappointed I waited so long to tell him.
I’m not used to these longer days so when it’s still daylight this time of the night, my body doesn’t feel it’s time to unwind just yet. It’s going to take some getting used to. I’ve not made up my mind how long I plan to stay, but Kyle’s parents encouraged me to stay as long as I need to. No one else has mentioned coming to Sechelt, which makes the getaway even better.
Kyle and I spent our honeymoon here and I hated we didn’t get to come back more often. Isn’t this always the case though? Until something precious is taken from you, do you realize how important that time is.
By the end of the week, I’m starting to feel like myself again. As close to normal as I’ve felt in a long time. Maybe it’s the back and forth messages fromBlaznDor maybe I’m finally starting to come to terms with things.
I nearly miss the last ferry coming back to the inlet on Friday after doing a little bit of shopping. Not that I needed anything, but it did me some good to get out and do a little exploring.
I check my phone following an extra-long soak in the tub to see ifBlaznDhas had time to respond. I nearly drop the phone though when I see what he’s sent.
