AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Oh.” She fell back into herself for the rest of the ride to their place.
They were silent as they reached their apartment elevator. She huddled into the corner of the elevator while he pressed the button to their floor.
“You just don’t want me anymore?” She didn’t seem sad or angry, just accepting.
Thinking about what that fucker Chet had done and all those things she’d taken in stride with her crushes and what they had done to her self-esteem, he couldn’t let her think he didn’t want her anymore. Especially when that was the furthest thing from the truth. He didn’t want to push her back down.
“I don’t want to hurt you.” He kept his gaze on the floor numbers.
When she didn’t respond, he glanced over at her. She looked down at her shoes. Fuck.
“I wanted you to find your way out of that box you hide yourself in.” He shook his head, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You are so determined to be in love, you don’t even look twice before falling. These guys you crush on were never the guys who lived in your imagination.”
She made a scoffing noise and he turned to her. Her eyes widened as he moved closer.
“You don’t love Logan because you don’t see Logan.”
Her lips pressed into a thin line.
“Logan isn’t someone who’s going to settle down with a girlfriend. He couldn’t even keep it in his pants at the club last week for one night to hang out with his coworkers. And tonight he practically drooled all over Candy.”
Fire danced in her eyes when she looked up at him, but she kept those stubborn lips closed.
“You want the guy you see on paper and who you imagine he should be, but when he actually shows you his true colors, you run away.” He closed in until he could almost feel her warmth against him. “Logan never looked twice at you. He was safe. Safe to fantasize about and hide away from all the real guys who would give anything to have a shot with you.”
Her lips parted as if she would deny what he said, but he pressed his thumb over her lips. His fingertips stroked down her jawline. His tone softened when he continued.
“You let guys like Chet keep you from experiencing life and what real love could feel like.” He wanted to kiss her right now, but he shouldn’t. He had to be strong. “How am I your fantasy, little bird? I never promised you more than my warm body. I never promised to stay.”
The elevator doors dinged. She slipped by him and down the hallway. She fumbled with her keys, dropping them. He scooped them up and held them out to her.
“Did you think I’d be your prince charming? Did you imagine I would be like one of those guys from your movies? Make some fucking big gesture at the end to show you how much I really love you? That we’d live happily ever after?”
She didn’t lift her eyes to his as she opened the apartment door. He closed the door and locked it. She didn’t look at him as she slipped off her shoes.
“Lacy?” He caught her hand as she tried to walk away. He tugged her to him and lifted her chin with his finger.
Tears streamed down her face. They made his chest ache. He brushed them away with his thumbs and rested his forehead against hers. She took in a shuddering breath.
“I didn’t want to hurt you, little bird.” He wanted to take away the pain he saw in her eyes. Erase all the pain and leave only the pleasure, but he didn’t know how. Not without hurting her more.
“No.” She shoved him away from her. Though he could have held onto her, he released her.
She glared at him and he almost smiled at seeing his fierce little bird ready to do battle.
“You have never and will never be a prince charming.” She flicked her tears away. “You are flawed and imperfect. You think it’s easier to leave than to feel something real? Well, fuck you, Jonah. You had a screwed-up childhood. Welcome to the fucking world. Everyone had a screwed-up childhood or something that hurt them and made them into the person they are today. You’re not fucking special.”
She paced away and came back. “You cared about me. You took care of me when I needed it. You called me sexy when no one in their right mind would do so. You made me feel something I’d never felt before and you don’t get to take that away with your stupid words.”
She covered her mouth and looked up. He could only watch her, knowing this was the breaking point. He’d pushed her to this because he couldn’t leave well enough alone. He should have let her grab a ride with Emily, but he hadn’t wanted Lacy out of his sight. Couldn’t stand to be parted from her for one goddamn second.
“You know what?” She smiled but it wasn’t a good smile. Her eyes were watery, but no tears fell. “Fuck this. I don’t fucking want Logan. I never did. You’re right about my crushes. They shield me from feeling anything real. I never got jealous seeing those guys with anyone else. I definitely never cried over them leaving me.”
She stepped up to him until they were toe to toe and her finger poked him in the chest. “You can leave. You can go find a job that will keep you from settling in one place long enough to feel like you have a home. But stop pretending you are saving me from getting hurt because fuck you, I’m hurt. I’ve felt things I never expected to in the last couple of weeks. With you.”
Her hand flattened over his heart. “Just because you are a coward doesn’t mean I didn’t fall in love, and before you say I don’t know what love is, a week ago you would have been right.”
She stepped back and her hand dropped to her side. “All those times I claimed to love my crushes meant absolutely nothing. I was obsessed and crazed over them, but I never really knew what love was. I didn’t know them. I didn’t know love until you.”
She laughed and tears rolled down her cheeks. “Beth was right. When I fall, I fall fast and absolutely. But don’t stand there and tell me it meant nothing. We might have tried to claim no strings attached, but every time we came together those strings wrapped tighter and tighter around us. So go off to whatever job you have in L.A., but youdo notget to tell me what I feel.”
He couldn’t respond. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe.
“I love you, Jonah. So fuck you.” She brushed past him and he heard the bathroom door close.
His little bird had torn him to shreds. He was lucky to remain standing after her brutal takedown. Maybe he didn’t give her enough credit, but he couldn’t back down now. He wasn’t the right one for Lacy. He knew that from the start, so he’d do what he always did.
He’d leave.
