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Somewhere, in the back of my mind, the memory of meticulously applied strawberry lip gloss.
Li screaming against his hand, her body bent double, as she takes Rory’s entire length and grinds into him for more.
What is happening?
I stagger away from the bookcase, knowing I should never have seen this. I should have listened to Finlay. I shouldnot be here.
But I must make a noise or something because Rory’s cold gray eyes flare open in my direction. His large hand tightens around Li’s agonized face, his fingertips digging into her soft cheeks. His other hand is working her furiously beneath the tartan skirt, and I don’t know what to do. I feel like a deer in headlights. Rory keepslookingat me, though I can’t tell if he can see me in the shadows or just sense something’s there. Either way, I feel dragged into this, into this thing I should never have seen.
I want to clean my eyes, cleanse my soul.
What is happening?
A finger trails down my arm and I jump. Finlay stares back at me, curiosity in his gaze.
His finger continues to lightly trace the bare skin of my forearm. “Do you want tae?” he asks in such a soft whisper I think I mishear him.
I gawk at him. Is he propositioning me?
“Are you out of yourmind?”
Finlay’s expression shutters and he grabs hold of my arm, attempting to steer me away from the scene. “Then leave them be and quit starin’.”
But I’m rooted to the spot. I can’t stop looking at them — at the both of them — and howobsceneit is to be doing this right here in the school library.
And with Finlay beside me, I feel the atmosphere change. It’s darker, heavier, as we both watch our friends having sex from behind the bookcase.
He hasn’t let go of my arm.
I shake my head.
What is Lithinking?
What amIthinking?
Why haven’t I moved? Why am I having trouble breathing? Why can’t I stopstaring?
All I know is I’m grinding my thighs tightly together and the pressure building is too intense to stop.
Li lets out a broken cry against Rory’s palm and seems to collapse against him, her head slumping back against his shoulder. Her body quivers, all loose and limp, and my mouth must be as open as hers.
Rory curves his head into the nape of her neck. Eyebrows descending, he grips her body tighter to his and growls low in his throat. From their angle, it looks as though he’s about to take a giant bite out of her. But then his eyes flash in our direction again, and he jolts, vulnerability and softness overwhelming his sharp aristocratic features as I stare at him. His body shudders into Li’s and he tightens his arms around her, squeezing her, as if to drag himself deeper into the warmth of her body.
Beside me, Finlay exhales a quiet, ragged breath. I’d look across to him, but I’m so captivated by Li and Rory disentangling themselves that I can’t. They don’t say a word to one another, though Li keeps glancing at Rory whenever she thinks he’s not looking. Thankfully, he has his back turned to us and I can’t see anything I don’t want to as he zips himself up in record time.
They’re so businesslike about what just happened — Rory straightening his tie, Li brushing out the creases of her long plaid skirt, no words exchanged between them — as though they weren’t just the most intimate two people could be together.
They don’t kiss, either.
“C’mon,” Finlay murmurs, his fingers tightening around my wrist again. “We cannae be seen here.”
Wecan’t be seen here. I wonder why? Clearly Finlay was some kind of lookout, but what sort of weird relationship is that, anyway? A lookout forsex?
I don’t know. I don’t understand. My body’s too hot beneath the thick scratchy blazer, and I think it’s affecting my brain.
I follow Finlay, my vision dancing with entwining bodies. As we reach the small table beside the bookshelves, he hands me my politics notebook with a pointed glance, and then taps the sheet of paper he’d written on, his finger on his lips.
Say nothing.
