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I fall silent. I’m not even sure Dr. Moncrieff is listening to me.
But then I sigh and press on, for myself if not for Dr. Moncrieff. “He was my favorite person in the whole world. My biggest influence. And… he died.” It’s as though there’s a hook behind my navel, the swooping sensation returning to me, making tears spring in my eyes as I remember the absence in my heart. My dad is no longer here. He’s gone. I didn’t just imagine it. “He was an emergency responder. There was a hurricane, and…”
I’m struggling to speak, unable to say anything more. But I don’t need to.
Dr. Moncrieff reaches out and takes my hand. His skin is like ice and I hold back a shiver. He squeezes my hand briefly. I’m so overcome with memories of my dad that it feels normal, the two of us sitting in the school library holding hands as we lose ourselves to grief.
Long minutes later, Dr. Moncrieff finally turns his eyes on me.
“You’re a good person, Jessa,” he murmurs softly, and a gentle warmth radiates through me. But then he ruins it all by saying, “I have to remember you’re not on the same level as the rest of us.”
I frown. “What does that mean?”
Dr. Moncrieff sighs. “You’ve lived such an ordinary life. The only extraordinary thing to happen to you is your acceptance into Lochkelvin. To everyone here, that’s not extraordinary — the extraordinary thing to them would be a rejection.” His mouth tightens. I’m close enough that I can see every dark scratchy prickle of stubble along his jawline. “It makes you a good person because you haven’t had the time yet to be tainted by this institution.”
It’s difficult to determine how much of this is Dr. Moncrieff being himself or Dr. Moncrieff consumed by grief and not knowing what he’s saying. Because I feel quite insulted by his remarks, though I suppose my reaction is typical for someone who’s led such a boring, basic life.
“Are we going to shelve anything tonight?” It comes out in an arch tone but Dr. Moncrieff doesn’t notice. I don’t think he’s noticing much, and I sag into my chair. Tonight is not the night to make catty remarks to a man who looks like he’s just lost the world.
He doesn’t even answer my question.
We sit in silence after that, and I stay by his side all evening.
* * *
In politics the following day, Dr. Moncrieff acts like my detention never happened. As he bounds across the front of the room, eagerly describing logical fallacies, he seems much less like a broken man. It’s as though a switch has turned on inside him. It makes me wonder how much of teaching is really acting.
I note with interest that he keeps catching Arabella’s dreamy gaze.
When we split into pairs to work on our presentation, Arabella’s face is flushed and happy.
“What are you doing for Hallowe’en?” she asks conversationally, flicking through her textbook.
I blink at her. She’s barely acknowledged me since landing me in a vortex of detention hell for weeks.
“Nothing?” I don’t know. I hadn’t expected to doanything, mainly because the thought of spending time with most of the people in this school is terrifying enough without adding Hallowe’en into the mix.
Arabella looks astonished. “But youmust! Lochkelvin takes its traditions very seriously.”
With a frown, I mull over her words. This is the second time I’ve heard a statement like that about Hallowe’en. It makes me wonder exactlywhathappens here at Hallowe’en. From the sounds of it, it isn’t regular old trick-or-treating.
“So what are you doing?”
“The girls and I are dressing up like mythical creatures from Scottish folklore.” Arabella gazes at Dr. Moncrieff, spinning her pen around her fingers. She looks utterly lovesick.
Meanwhile, I’m just… sick. “Great. I hope you have a good time.” Danny and I have low-key plans to sit in my room and read his impressive collection of comics. I’ve never really read comics before but Danny’s an expert in them, so I figure the escapism will do me good. I might finally open up my stash of candy from back home and share it with him.
Well, probably. I don’t know, I haven’t actually asked Danny yet to confirm it’s happening. He’s been a little distracted lately.
But Arabella gives me a funny look, her mouth twisting like she’s not sure I’m being serious. “Hallowe’en isn’t an option, Jessa. If you’re a student at Lochkelvin, you have to attend. It’s obligatory.”
At dinner, Danny pretty much confirms Arabella’s bizarre statement. “Yeah, all students take part. It’s a stupid ritual thing they do every year.” He spoons a bunch of peas into his mouth like his words are no big deal.
“Ritual?” I ask in a nervous voice as goosebumps stretch across my skin. “What kind of ritual?”
“Like, there’s a dress code set by Lochkelvin — you can’t just go as a superhero or anything fun, you have to stick to an animal or mythical creature, that kind of thing. And then at midnight there’s this big song and dance.”
“A song and dance about what?”
