AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 5
Now
I stood in front of the gilded mirror, running my palms across the shimmering bodice of my Initiation gown. I had stayed up until dawn sewing each crystal into place, wrapping my body in the shattered ice of the famed Eserenian stones. The light from the silver chandelier in my wardrobe danced across each and every facet, the glint of the crystals shimmering on every surface, gracing my cheeks with radiant sparks. The sight of the dancing lights across my skin was familiar, each streak of shine leaving a trail of emptiness in its wake, echoes of a past life. I pushed the thought away. The corset held me in a death grip and I almost blushed at the sight of my figure, the way the soft straps laid across my upper arms. My gaze traveled to my skirts — massive, flowing rosettes and ruffles covered every inch, a small train resting behind me, patiently waiting to whisper over the marble floors.
Four days. I had four days until I stood for Initiation in front of the Board of Blood. Four days until my fate was sealed. The Board of Blood would arrive tomorrow to begin the process, a feast marking the official start of the ceremonies. All Initiates and their family were invited to a grand dining hall – one of many in the castle. The purpose, however, was for the Board to begin assessing each Initiate, side-eyeing her manners and grammar andbreedability,as Marita called it. I fought the shudder that scraped against my insides.
I could hear Marita pacing outside the door of my wardrobe, whispering a prayer to every Benevolent Saint she could think of, hand on her chin. “Lady Marita,” I called, the soft femininity of my voice so foreign to me that I almost flinched. Marita appeared in the doorway, her expression troubled, her light brown eyebrows knit together. “I’m ready to practice.”
I stepped from the pedestal, the fabric of my gown swooshing and swaying with the movement. My high heels clicked gracefully, and I repeatedheel-toe, heel-toe, heel-toejust as she had taught me, as I floated through the wardrobe to meet Marita. She gave a curt nod and led me out to the marble floor of my drawing room.
Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth I walked. Curtsy. Lower eyes. Present wrist. Curtsy. Lower eyes. Present wrist. Marita wasn’t permitted to tell mewhythis action must take place, and my stomach turned at the uncertainty of it. I had missed out on the traditional education that all the other Initiates received, so I had no idea why the actualfuckthe ceremony even existed. Or why they needed my wrist.
After what felt like an hour of the same movements, Marita finally approached me, my eyes gazing down at her due to the height of my heels. The look on her face was forlorn, desperate. “Do you think I’m ready?”
A sorrowful smile turned her lips up, the desperation remaining in her eyes. “You’ve worked harder than I’ve seen anyone work.” Not a real answer. Before I could say anything, she began to speak the words I would hear from the Board of Blood in four days. “Repeat after me. For the crown you will bleed,” she breathed, the look of urgency intensifying.
“For the crown I will bleed,” I repeated.
“For the Court you will bear.”
“For the Court I will bear.”
“For the King you will live.”
“For the King I will live.”
“And for the realm you will die.”
“For the realm,” I said, my breath catching in my throat. “I will die.”
Marita nodded slightly, stepping back. “You are ready, girl.” Her smile turned hollow. Thick, opaque sorrow still flooded her eyes, as if she were already seeing me laying dead and naked in a heap outside the city walls.
“I am ready,” I said softly. I had put in the hours. I had made a conscious effort to watch my language, my tone, my facial expressions. I would do everything I possibly could do so I could stay with my mother. I would not disappoint Lord Castemont. And if I made it through, I would deal with how to be the perfect wife.
I would prove my worth and marry a nobleman. I would do that for my mother. For myfamily.
Looking out at the wall towering above the city below, I quelled the urge to run straight for the cliffs.
???
“Isn’t that what you want though?” Wrena asked, perched rigidly on the edge of my bed, hands neatly folded in her lap. I had coaxed her into relaxing for a moment and insisted she sit with me. She had been visibly uncomfortable, but her words began to relax as we spoke.
“You have to understand that a few years ago my life was very different,” I said tightly. My hands rested on my abdomen as I stared up at the painted roses on my ceiling. “I never considered marriage because I never thought I’d be able to leave my parents. My sister and I had planned on traveling, but we knew it might not happen. And when I finally met someone…it just didn’t work out that way.”
Wrena cocked her head. “A life married to a nobleman doesn’t sound so awful.” She blinked wistfully.
I propped myself up on an elbow. “Give me a fuckin’ break,” I scoffed. Wrena recoiled, eyes widening. Shit. “I’m sorry. I’m working on that.” I laid back down. “I’m just saying, I’m notopposedto the idea of marriage, I just never thought it would happen. Now I’m set up to enter the marriage court, Benevolent Saints willing I make it through Initiation.”
“I would love to be married one day,” Wrena said quietly, longing in her voice.
“Oh yeah? Any suitors thus far?” I prodded. I hadn’t noticed at first, probably due to the veil my general misery cast over the world, but Wrena was beautiful. Wrena wasverybeautiful. Her olive skin was plump and dewy, and though her chocolate hair was fastened in a low bun, I could tell it was long and wild like the sea. Her nose had a slight bump in the middle, the imperfection of it somehow perfectly complementing her deep brown eyes. A small freckle sat below her left eye. Something about her face was daylight and summer wind and soft grass.
She cast those brown eyes away from me. “Maidens take a vow of celibacy.”
If I had been drinking, I would have sprayed a mouthful through the air. “Excuse me?” She nodded. “What the actual fu–” I caught myself. “What?”
“Our lives are dedicated to the service of the court, which is a service of the realm.”
