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“I believe they do.”
My first instinct was to berate him for assuming that I couldn’t provide for myself or my mother. Then, when I realized his assumption was probably accurate, my instinct was to berate him for believing the Saints had spoken to him. But all I did was stare at him in disbelief. It was all Icoulddo. This absolutely wasn’t real. “I don’t understand.”
“Nor do I. But you strike me as someone who will do anything to ensure the survival of her family. I’d like to make things a bit easier for you.” I shook my head, backing up. No.No.Something about this wasn’t right. Is the only reason he came to Inkwell today to find a charity case? “Please, I’d be happy to find you housing in any part of the city you prefer.” I continued backing up, anger, disbelief, embarrassment, and shame flooding my veins.
“No,” I growled. Tyrak’s helmeted form stepped forward at the sound of my voice.
His face was puzzled. “I beg your pardon?”
“No.”
“I only wanted to–”
“I don’t know what you’re trying to do here, Castemont. What do you want from me?”
He flinched at the informality, but quickly recovered. “Like I said. I only want you to promise me that you’ll refrain from theft.” His voice was as calm as ever, even as I spewed poison from my lips.
My head shook as I continued to back up. I had the stolen stone. I could turn right here, duck through a few alleyways and be in front of the shop in no time. I’d surely get some looks from the shopkeeper, but I knew he’d buy it off me. It was better than accepting a fucking handout.
“Please, just consider the offer. I’ll return to Inkwell tomorrow at midday. I’ll wait right here. And if you decide to decline the offer, then I’ll leave you be. But I urge you to seriously consider it.”
His words ricocheted off of me as I turned and ran for Solise’s.
???
My fingers were red as I wrung them together beneath Solise’s small table. I decided I’d give her the lapis lazuli that Castemont had paid for. It was the least I could do to thank her. The old healer sat across from me, various jars and piles of dried herbs littering the tabletop. Her brow furrowed over her dark eyes, intent on her work. My mother sat in the sagging armchair by the fire, staring into the flames as if she could see her family among them.
Should I tell them?
Our entire lives could change if I returned to the burnt remains of our home tomorrow. If Lord Castemont was to be believed, we’d be sheltered and fed and clothed.
Should I go?
But this man had absolutely no incentive to help us. And he was fucking crazy if he believed the Saints spoke to him.
Should I believe him?
We could move out of Inkwell, start new lives, learn to live within the loss. Find a new normal.
Should I accept his offer?
My mind rolled like marbles in a jar, the clattering blunt and irritating. I rubbed my temples. Solise, too observant for her own good, paused her mixing. “Aching head?”
“I’m fine,” I murmured.
“I can make you a tonic,” she offered.
“I’m fine, really.”
“What’s troubling you?”
Fuck.“Nothing is troubling me.”
“It’s that Saints damned man, isn’t it?” I had spent an embarrassing amount of time wondering about Calomyr, what he was doing, what hewasn’tdoing. It did not bother me at this moment, but I would be lying to myself if I said he hadn’t been at the forefront of my mind since the day of the fire. Was he thinking of me as he patrolled the castle halls? Did he hear my heartbeat in every footstep like I heard his? No, he wasn’t thinking of me. He couldn’t be. I let my head fall back, willing the thought of him to tumble out of my head. “I’m telling you Petra, stay away from him.”
I fought back the irritation that rose within me, the irritation that was a constant companion now. My jaw clenched, the marbles in my head plinking around. A flood of words pooled in my mouth but turned to ash on my tongue as I considered the conversation that would follow. I stood from my seat. “I’m going to lie down.”
“I see you, Petra.” I froze. “I see you. You’re doing everything you can. It’s a role you never thought you’d have.” She continued mixing her concoctions, her voice even. “But you do, now. And I see you working, and I see you pushing. I want you to know how absolutely incredible that is. How absolutely incredibleyouare. I see thatyou’rethe one carrying your family, this burden.” She looked up from her work, her eyes on my face. “You don’t need him complicating things.”
