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I licked my lips, feeling bashful as he gathered me into his strong arms. “It was good, thanks.”
“And um, how are you feeling? Do you want to take a break and check out the dessert table?” His voice was tender, but there was caution in his eyes.
“It’s a good day, Paul. I promise I’m okay.”
He smiled with a little sigh of relief and readjusted his hold on me, tucking me closer against his chest as we danced. I leaned forward, gently positioning my head in order to listen to the steady beating of his heart. It was a funny thing to know your own heart was literally broken where it rested in your chest. It made you marvel at the functionality of normal hearts. They were taken for granted by anyone who didn’t have a condition like mine.
Dancing with Paul, being held by him like this, made me think of our prom. We’d gone together as friends. He was still on the outskirts of the social scene, and with everything I’d been going through, there was no way I was in the market for a high school romance. Oh, who was I kidding? I’d been so focused on ballet up until my diagnosis that I’d never really looked twice at boys to begin with. So, Paul picked me up that night with a corsage from Hattie’s flower shop, looking adorable in his tux with the lavender pocket square that matched my dress, and we’d danced just like this.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, his hand making a slow circle on my back.
“Prom,” I replied.
I felt him stiffen slightly and his steps faltered before he caught on with the beat of the music again. “Oh yeah? What about it?”
I pulled back to look at him, gazing into his green eyes, finding way more emotion in them than I was accustomed to seeing when he looked at me. “I was thinking about dancing with you that night. It was fun.”
“Yeah. Parts of it, for sure.”
Tension wove through me at that. “What parts weren’t fun?”
He paused, his eyes searching mine. “The part where you thanked me for being such a good friend. I don’t remember your exact words, it was a long time ago, but it was something about being like family. Like brother-sister vibes.”
I closed my eyes against the memory. Of course I remembered saying it. I’d been spinning out because the romance of it all had messed with my head. I’d suddenly found myself hopelessly in love with my best friend, but felt like he only saw me as this sickly, damaged thing. I hadn’t had the confidence in myself that I did now, and I was unable to wrap my brain around a reality where he’d see me as anything other than a charity case.
I understood now that it wasn’t true. I wasn’t sure how long he’d felt something more than friendship for me because it was only within the last few days that I’d allowed myself to hope that he could. But judging by the way he looked at me now, I knew he did back then.
“Paul, would you want to come to my place for dinner next weekend?” I asked, biting my lip.
His brow furrowed slightly at the change of subject. “Your place? For dinner?”
“Yeah. And a movie, too?”
I had no idea what was going through his head, but I could tell he was working something out in his mind. Sure, maybe we could talk about all of the stuff that had changed between us right here and now, in this romantic setting. But there were so many people around, and as enraptured as I was by him, it wasn’t lost on me that people were staring. I didn’t want to have a big conversation under watchful eyes. Our entire lives were about to change. And it didn’t need to be front-page news.
“Sure,” he said after a minute, the corner of his mouth curving up slightly, “that sounds nice.”
