AllFreeNovel
Share Us
13
Shelby
The doorbell rang right on time, and my heart thumped wildly in my chest as I stared at my reflection in my floor-length mirror. I pressed a hand there to calm it—as if that would be possible. I was used to chest pain. Shortness of breath. Abnormal heart rhythms. Even dizziness and lightheadedness. So while none of those symptoms were foreign to me, it was kind of amazing how knowing that Paul was on the other side of my front door for our big date could make all of them happen at once. Was this what love felt like for other people? Or was I totally overdoing it and on the verge of a fainting spell?
It wouldn’t be the first time I’d fainted, but thankfully, it wasn’t common, either. Fainting when you had HCM was a sign that things were in rough shape, potentially a warning of impending heart failure. Both of the other times it had happened, Paul had been worried sick.
The first time, we were in high school. It was the infamous cafeteria scene where Paul carried me out in front of the whole school. That was before I was on any kind of medication to mitigate the progression of my condition. It was a time when they thought they should just keep an eye on it so they could figure out whether or not it would even impact my health. Many people had HCM and never even got symptoms, so maybe that would be the case for me too. So many student athletes got dizzy or tired just from how hard they trained, so maybe that explained those times for me. But maybe it wasn’t simply over-exertion, so I’d needed to take it easy to be safe. And out of sheer rebellion, I often didn’t. I’d been on medication ever since.
The second time I’d fainted, Paul had been on deployment. I’d passed out right in the middle of a preschool dance class, scaring the crap out of the girls and their parents who were observing. I’d hit my head on the ballet bar on the way down. The whole thing landed me in the hospital with a concussion and an adjustment to my meds, since something wasn’t right if my heartbeat had become that irregular.
Paul had tried to get them to fly him home from deployment to be with me, but the Marines were mission over everything, especially if it wasn’t for a spouse or family member. I knew it killed him not to be with me, but at the time, my perception of his concern was totally a best friends vibe. Now I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d felt more than friendship for me back then, and what that must have been like for him if so.
I must have taken too long to collect myself because another knock sounded upon the door. This time it wasn’t as tentative. It was louder and urgent. Leave it to Paul to have the same fear I’d just had. He knew the risks of sudden heart failure were ever-present, even with my meds managing everything. And while I couldn’t imagine why he’d want to start something with me when that fear would always remain, it wasn’t my decision to make. So, tonight I’d let him make his own choice on the matter.
Taking a deep breath that did nothing to calm my erratic heartbeat, I opened the door. I meant to let a casual smile spread over my face. Instead, it probably looked like I’d seen a ghost. “Oh, hi.”
“Hi,” he said, peering at me from behind the most gorgeous pink and white bouquet I’d ever seen.
I stepped back, shaking my head slightly. “Come on in.”
He came forward then, placing a feather-light kiss on my cheek as he pressed the flowers into my hands. Another wave of dizziness hit me as the smell of his cologne mixed with the scent of the flowers. While it wasn’t overpowering by any means, it was definitely something he didn’t often wear. Normally, he smelled like heaven simply from his body wash. But this? This was like opening up a GQ magazine and letting a model step off the pages and into my living room.
Oh yeah, and my freaking cheek was on fire. He’d never once kissed me on the cheek. Kissed me in any way, for that matter. And there he was, dropping a bomb on my skin and then casually slipping into my apartment without a backward glance. If that was how my body was going to react to a simple gesture from him, I couldn’t imagine what the progression of our relationship would feel like.
He turned in a slow circle as he looked around my studio, so I took the opportunity to study him. He wore a black polo shirt and dark jeans in place of his usual band tee and shorts. His hair was done with a small amount of gel that I knew he only bothered with on special occasions. And then his eyes raked over me in a way that told me he appreciated my extra effort, as well.
“You look beautiful,” he said, his jaw tensing as he examined my curled hair, little black dress, and bare feet.
I shut the door, hugging the flowers to my chest like a shield. “Thank you.”
“And so does your place,” he added, gesturing to my dining room table set for a romantic dinner for two. “The candles are a nice touch.”
“Is it too much?” I asked, freezing in place.
He let out a short laugh, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “No. It’s nice.”
Relief washed over me as I took in his earnest expression, then I moved to the kitchen, the smooth fabric of my dress swishing against my thighs. I felt his eyes on me as I went, and I wondered if he saw the blush that I was sure stained my neck and cheeks. Was it hot in here or was it just me? Orhim? Or, wait… was this a heart thing?
I had my back to him as I went for a vase, so I discreetly put my hand to my neck so I could feel the beats, checking for irregularities. Finding none in my quick assessment, I chalked it up to date night nerves. Which was a total first, so it freaked me out.
The vase I wanted was on the top shelf, but before I could reach for a stool to grab it, I felt Paul come up behind me. “I got it.”
He was quite a bit taller than me, and I held my breath as he reached up and easily wrapped his hand around the short glass cylinder. He brought it down to the counter in front of me but didn’t step away. His front pressed to my back, and the nearness of him made all of my senses leap to life. He slowly dipped his head, and I felt his warm breath against my cheek as one hand lazily trailed up my arm. I probably wouldn’t have been able to move if I’d tried. But there was also no part of me that wanted to. If I could, I’d stay there forever.
And then, just like that, his hand disappeared from my arm and he retreated, leaving me nearly shivering from the absence of his warmth. I let out a small breath of air and went on with cutting and arranging the flowers, pushing whateverthatwas out of my mind. We hadn’t even talked about all of this yet. And we couldn’t skip that step. He needed to tell me that he knew what he was signing up for and he was okay with it. I needed to hear him say it.
“These are gorgeous,” I commented while I focused on the task at hand instead of his presence in my tiny kitchen.
“Glad you like them. Ms. Hattie sends her regards.”
I cut him a look over my shoulder. “Oh, really?”
“I didn’t tell her they were for you, I swear. She guessed.”
I chuckled and turned back to the flowers. “Apparently people have been suspecting this would happen.”
“Yeah. I’ve heard the same thing.” Paul moved to the fridge and helped himself to a bottle of water while I finished with the flowers.
