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As far away as I can reasonably be, just in case I make it worse for the kid.
“Beau, look at me.” When I didn’t, she angled her body so she’d catch my eyes, and she reached up and gripped my dirty face. I winced and tried to pull away, but she held tighter. “Hey, I know you’re freaking out. I know this is scary. But he’s going to be fine.”
“You don’t know that,” I said through my teeth.
“You didn’t know that about Aria and you still toldmethat. And I believed you. So, right now, you need to believe me.”
Lyndi continued to hold my face, but the longer she made me stand there and look at her, the weaker I felt. I knew the cracks would bust open soon, and I couldn’t fall apart. Reaching up to take her hands, I pulled them from my face and paced away.
“I should have been paying more attention,” I said, my voice breaking. “The mistake he made… he’s made it before, and I didn’t kick him out for it. But I should have.”
“Beau, it’s not your responsibility. You can’t control what other people do. Sometimes bad stuff just happens.”
Exactly.I knew that better than anyone. I may have caused the crash that killed Rene by distracting my mom, but I knew I hadn’t caused her cancer. Or my pops’. Sometimes bad stuff happened and there was nothing I—or anyone else—could do to stop it.
Which was why I turned back to her, my chest feeling like it was about to bust open, knowing my only option was to push her away.
But then anger replaced the concern in her eyes, and she held up a finger, stepping closer until she was right up against me again. “Don’t. Don’t you dare.”
“What?”
“You said I get you, right?” she asked, all challenge and fire and hurricane. “Well, I do. Sometimes I feel like you can read me like I’m a freaking book, and right now I’m doing the same thing. And I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not happening.”
I swallowed, my vision blurring. “Tell me.”
“You’re thinking we messed up by making this real, and you want to push me away. We didn’t. And you can’t.”
“Lyndi.”
“You will not lose me, Beau. And you will not push me away. Do you hear me? I won’t let you. I’m so sorry for the things you’ve been through, but we’re amazing. And I don’t even care what happens with your drill instructor package. If you have to leave, we’ll figure it out.Iwill figure it out. I’ll go with you, and I can grow, and still be myself. I can—”
“It got approved,” I choked out, some small glimpse of light shining through all the darkness that’d been about to break me apart.
She stilled. “What?”
With shaky hands, I bracketed her waist and dug the pads of my fingers into her soft curves. “My drill instructor package. It’s been approved. School starts in two weeks, right here at PI, then I’ll stay here for three years.”
Her breath exploded from her mouth and then she jumped up to press a quick kiss to my lips. “That’s amazing.”
I knew better than to point out how gross that must have been, but even the thought of our inside joke in the midst of all this felt soothing. “Yeah. But would you really go with me if it’d been denied?”
“Well, yes,” she said with a nod. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot since the wedding. I’ve been watching Hawaii TikTok videos and reading books set there. There’s even this one series set at the base there that has a bunch of Marines in it.”
I frowned. “Really? Is it any good?”
“Definitely,” she replied with bright, wistful eyes. I felt a tangent coming on about the tropes or story lines, but then she shook her head to wave it away. “But anyway, yeah, I’ve been trying to wrap my brain around the idea of leaving, and of being with you, and being without Layla. And I realized that Layla’s leaving with Zac when he gets orders, and when I went away with you to visit your dad, I was really comfortable there. But looking back I think I was comfortable there becauseyouwere there. Which makes me think maybe I’d be comfortable with you anywhere.”
I tucked her close again and let out a long sigh. “Well, that’s a relief.”
“Why? Did your package not really get approved?” she asked as she jerked back.
“Really? You think I’d lie?” I asked, shaking her slightly.
She grinned. “No, I guess not. Why is it a relief then?”
“Because the DI orders are only for three years, so we’ll have to move eventually.”
“You think we’ll last that long?”
