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ChapterTen
MANDY
“You just had to fuck around and find out, didn’t you?” Ginger hissed at me, sitting in a booth in her club, watching clients throw money at Tara on the stage. “I told you not to let your heart get involved in anything. I told you that it was better to be lonely than to get your heart broken.”
I glared over at her, my hand around a cold glass of mineral water. “It’s been three months, I think I’m allowed to be a little peeved.”
“That’s not what you’re pissed off about, though, is it? When are you going to admit it, girl?” Ginger sat back, sipping at her scotch, her eyes glancing down at my abdomen.
“Admit what?” I said carefully, not ready to reveal my secret.
“Come on, Mandy. We’ve both been in this game long enough to know when another woman is pregnant.” Ginger said, as if she wasn’t dropping a bomb in my lap.
“I’m not,” I started to say but she shook her head so hard her hair flew around her head.
“You can lie to yourself, but don’t lie to me, Mandy. I can see it written all over you. Throw in the number of times you’ve rushed off to the bathroom this week, and it’s an easy deduction, isn’t it?” Ginger sighed and leaned forward on her elbows, looking at me with pity. “So, he’s ghosted you and now you’re carrying his kid? Have I got that right?”
I nodded in agreement, confirming what she said. The doctor I went to this morning confirmed it all, but I’d hoped to hide it a little longer.
“You can work as long as you can bring in the clients honey, but not every man wants to see a pregnant woman dancing on a stage. What are you going to do?” Ginger’s voice was low now, keeping my business private, at least.
“Work as long as I can, I guess. Track him down so he at least knows he has a kid on the way, even if he doesn’t want to see me again. See if he wants anything to do with it. I don’t know after that.” I looked away, pretending to watch Tara, but I didn’t see her at all.
At first, it hurt a lot that Brian had just disappeared from my life, but I’d told myself he’d turn up eventually. That lasted for the first month. By the second month I was heartbroken. I’d really thought there would be something more for us. Brian had made it seem like he hadn’t wanted our story to end at the airport, but time had proven that wrong. Proven me wrong. Then I missed my period. And my body started to change, my breasts were very sore, and my skin broke out. When I started getting sick for no apparent reason, I knew I couldn’t deny it anymore. I’d taken three tests over the last week, before I headed to the doctor to get a blood test this morning.
“We’ll help you out any way we can, you know that, honey,” Ginger wrapped my cold right hand in hers, lending me some warmth I couldn’t seem to produce.
“Thanks, I know you will,” I turned my hand to squeeze her fingers gently. It was spring now, the whole city was blooming into life, but I couldn’t seem to warm up.
I’d been cold since the day Brian saw me off at the airport. I didn’t think I was ever going to be warm again, not without him there to bring me back to life. My hand went to my stomach though, and for a moment, I felt warmth there, the possibility of a different life.
“I’m not even going to ask if you know you have options, I’m sure you know that. You seem to have made up your mind, so, have you thought about names yet?” Ginger’s concern shifted to joyous wonder.
“No, it’s too early for any of that. I’ve only just found out I’m even going to have a baby. I haven’t thought about it much more than that so far.” I looked up at her, trying to fight the tears in my eyes. “I do need a favor. Can you get me Brian’s address? He won’t answer my calls or texts, and he has to know. I think he’s blocked me, I keep getting error messages, so I’m going to have to track him down and he doesn’t come here anymore.”
“Of course, babe,” she responded immediately, not even hesitating.
“Thanks, I don’t want to hide this from him, he has a right to know. Even if he doesn’t want to be a part of my life, he has a right to know that one slip up resulted in a miracle.” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know what happened, I’m on birth control, but it seems there was an oops.”
“An oops that will be screaming your head off in six months, if my estimates are right?” Ginger’s eyes lit up with humor and I had to smile at her enjoyment of my predicament. She loved all the babies and children of her employees, she’d love mine the same way.
“I don’t want to think about it yet,” I said after a few minutes of thought. “I’m keeping it, but I don’t want to start thinking about the horror stories I’ve heard about parenthood just yet. I want to think about the sweet moments, the times when I’ll be amazed at the little wonder I’ve created, and all the kisses and cuddles. That part of motherhood seems great.”
“I won’t add to the horror stories or take away your joy. You’ve needed something in your life since Lacy took off. Maybe even before then. You’ll be a great mother, because you know what it’s like to need to be loved. You can give and get all of that love from your baby.” She paused, frowned, and then spoke again. “Are you sure you want to tell Brian though?”
I studied her, knowing she meant well, but I didn’t like the question. “Of course, I’m certain. He has to know, it’s not fair otherwise. I don’t want child support, I just want him to know he has a kid, if he wants it.”
“Okay.” She nodded in acceptance and stood up. “Let me get my guy on finding that address for you. I’ll buzz you when I have it.”
“Perfect,” I smiled and finished my water. I was done for the night, so I headed back to my place.
Looking around my apartment I grew up in, I wondered if I should sell the place and find somewhere safer, healthier for a kid to grow up in? The city wasn’t the safest place to raise a child, even though people did it every day. It’d give me some money to play around with because apartments didn’t come cheap here, even ones without a view. I’d make a tidy sum out of it, but…I didn’t want to let it go.
I had memories of my parents in this home, memories with Lacy, in this home. I’d like to have memories with my baby here too. I looked over at my phone beside me on the couch when it pinged. Maybe it was Ginger, getting back to me already.
“Hey girl, sorry I’ve been quiet lately. We’re coming back home in two weeks! Can’t wait to see you!” The SMS from Lacy said.
I smiled at my phone, happy to not only hear from her but to know she was coming home. “Awesome! I miss you so much, and I have big news. You’ll have to wait to find out what it is, though.”
