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“I think he meant someone steady, down to earth, that works hard and takes care of his responsibilities.” I sipped at my wine and put it down on the floor, not really like the taste tonight. “You were always there for us, for him, and I think he knows that. I know he knows that, actually. I mean, he used to send you to get me from school when he couldn’t pick me up at the end of the day. That’s trust. I don’t think he’ll kill you.”
“I get that. He’s a hard guy, sometimes,” he answered, putting his wine down. “But are you ready for it if he turns on you?”
“On me?” I laughed, knowing my dad was kind of cold when it came to fatherhood. “He’ll only ask me if I’m being careful’, and move on, believe me.”
“Maybe.” Derek nodded, thinking about my father.
“You’ve known him longer than I have, Derek. You probably know far more about him than I do. What will he do?” I prompted and he turned to look at me finally.
“Nothing,” he finally said after a long pause. “Not a thing.”
“There you go. So, what else is holding you back?” I asked, knowing there couldn’t be that much more.
“I’m just trying to make this a good experience for you while also establishing some rules. I want to get to you know better, to know this means so much more to me. Polyamory is hard when it’s just three people, make that a relationship that’s brand new to four people, and well, things can get dicey.” He wouldn’t look at me and that made me wonder.
“Have you been in a poly relationship before then?” I knew my left eyebrow was up but I didn’t do it out of judgement, I was just curious.
“A long time ago, yeah. It fell apart because she got pregnant. It was the other guy’s baby, I’d been out in California, working on some deals out there, when she got pregnant. The relationship didn’t last, they wanted to make a go of being a ‘real’ family.” He put emphasis on the word real and I could sense the hurt in that emphasis.
“You think I’d be the same way?” I prompted, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice. I couldn’t imagine what that had done to him or how he’d felt. It was kind of wrong that they’d done that to him.
“I’m not sure, Val. You’re very independent, always have been. I think I’m more worried you won’t want all of us after that first time. Maybe you’ll move on, find a new place in life to be. You’re still young too, so maybe you don’t want to be tied down?” He held his hands out and I saw the real dilemma now.
“You know I want to leave town,” I said simply, nodding my head. “There isn’t a lot to hold me here without you guys, is there?”
“What do you mean?” he asked, facing me now, relaxing some, finally.
“Well, Dad doesn’t seem to care one way or another if I ever show up in his life again, I have no other real family around me, and no friends. I find making friends hard.” I hated to admit it, but I did. I hated being emotional, sharing emotions, and all of that. My family hadn’t been that way inclined, and it showed up at times like this, but I pushed through it. “You know my dad, do you ever remember him telling me he loved me?”
“No, now that you point out, I don’t.” Derek shook his head, sorrow etching deeper into the very faint lines on his face.
“I’ve had nothing to tie me here for a long time, other than my job and the need to make money. But if I had you guys, I’d have a reason to stay.” I thought about what I’d said and nodded. “I’m not just saying that. If I left, it would be to find happiness. If I find that with you three, I don’t need to go looking for it, do I?”
“No, I suppose you don’t,” Derek answered, offering me a smile that chased away the hardness on his face. I smiled back, feeling partially relieved. “But what if we aren’t enough?”
“Are you fucking kidding me? One man is enough, three might kill me.” I laughed now, a real laugh of amusement. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel like you three aren’t enough, Derek. I’d be lucky to have one of you.”
“I don’t know about that, but if you say so, Val,” Derek grinned, studying me closely, and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“I want this to be fair to you, but I also want you all to myself,” Derek said, bringing those glacial eyes around to impale me with them. I felt that gaze pierce into my brain, making my skin flush and prickle with goosebumps as it went tight all over. “I can’t have you to myself, so I’ll make do with what I get.”
“I see,” I answered simply, pulling my lips between my teeth. “And what can you take for now, Derek?”
The question came out quiet because he was still nailing me to the couch with his gaze.
His right eye narrowed for a fraction of a second before he moved. One second he was sitting on the other end of the couch, the next I was beneath him, with his hips pressing into my center. “This, angel.”
He kissed me, a deep kiss that took my breath away. I tasted cinnamon on his tongue, felt the silky-smooth surface of his tongue as a touch that made me shiver, touched his face with hands that shook from my need. I wanted to say a million things, beg him not to leave me here alone for the night, but his tongue was in my mouth, making the words vanish into the ether.
He touched me roughly, not as gentle as Cameron or Diesel, but I didn’t want gentleness from Derek. I wanted the way he buried his right hand in my hair roughly to pull my head back. I liked the way he held me there, kissing my open mouth, ravaging it as he held my head still. He let my hair go as he moved his lips from my mouth, slicing across to my ear. “I can do this, angel.”
His lips brushed against my neck, sucking hard at my skin, hard enough to mark me, but I didn’t care. That rough touch was a claim. The bruises would be as clear as if he’d stamped his name on me. I was his from now on, those kisses told anyone that looked at me.
His hand moved from my hair, to my neck, squeezing tightly, but not so much that I couldn’t breathe. I felt air whistle into my lungs from my strangled windpipe and felt a thrill of excitement surge through me. “More, Derek.”
“Oh, you’ll have more, angel,” he whispered as he let my neck go, his lips kissing the places where his fingertips had dug in.
Pleasure raced through my body, enhanced by every place his lips or his fingers fell on me. His hips ground into me, twisting with the agility of a dancer. He didn’t just saw his hips against me, there was a grace to his movements that ground the hard ridge of his erection into me in an artful way that nearly had me exploding.
“I will do everything for you, Val. I will give you anything you want.” I heard his whisper as his lips moved over my collarbone, then back up to my ear. “I will make you a queen.”
I pressed back up into his hips every time he pressed down into me, that ridge pressing into my clit in just the right way. I was so wound up that even that might be enough to set me off. I was a pile of tinder, ready to explode into fire.
“I can’t wait to claim you completely, soon enough Val,” he promised, but I noticed he said soon enough, not soon. I clutched at him, afraid he’d leave me if I didn’t move. I pulled his face back up to mine and he let me, his eyes holding a plea I didn’t understand. Not yet.
