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TWELVE
STELLA
“It’s not working, Damon!” I shout, pacing back and forth in his new apartment. I knew the moment he suggested it, I should have said no. I should have refused the preposterous idea, yet here I am following along. I need to learn how to say no to people. No good was going to come from this, frankly it made absolutely no sense.
Damon lies back on his bed, his head casually resting on his tattooed hands against the headboard, along with his typical devil may care attitude. “Give it time sweetheart, he’ll come to his senses and when he does, you’ll be thanking me.” He flicks the cherry red lollipop in his mouth back and forth with his tongue. My eyes can’t help but focus on it, and the smirk reaching the tips of his ear gives me away.
Damn him. It’s annoying and I’m so damn aggravated by his nonchalance, keeping calm and collected while I’m freaking the fuck out. What the hell is wrong with him?
“Don’t you get it? He wants nothing to do with me. He’s made that pretty fucking clear.” I drop onto the bed at his feet, anxiously running my fingers through my hair, simultaneously shaking my head in frustration. “Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why am I begging for scraps?”
It’s been two weeks since our little escapade against the pool table at his uncle's bar. Two weeks since Kai finally touched me and made me come harder than I’ve ever come. Frankly, the only time I’ve come that hasn’t been self-inflicted or because of a BOB, battery operated boyfriend like Jade likes to call them.
He took me to the edge and gave me the release I’ve been so anxiously awaiting. The way his long fingers expertly moved inside of me, hitting every one of my pleasure points. Deep, heated breaths, husky whimpers that drove me insane, and finally the licks and biting that pushed me over the edge.
Yet he refused to kiss me. Which, if I’m being honest, is what I really crave. We’ve only kissed once, yet like a fool, I’m addicted. Dangerously addicted.
Though, like every other time he allowed me to get close, he walked away from me, leaving me alone and begging for more. So fucking pathetic, yet I’d do it over and over again.
I’m sure there is a word for it. DPD. Dependent Personality Disorder. My mother suffered from it, so why wouldn’t I.
Suddenly Drake’s joining me where I’m sitting with my legs dangling off the end of the bed. “You’re not begging for scraps, Stella, you’re just taking what you deserve.”
I notice his tone of voice is now earnest, no longer showing any hints of the earlier playfulness and sarcasm. It’s unnerving the way his gaze hits me with a pitiful expression. Of course, he’s feeling sorry for me, laughing at how pathetic I must sound.
“What I deserve,” I chuckle loudly, maintaining eye contact with him. “Do I deserve to be miserable, Damon? Do I deserve to be made a fool of? Because it sounds like you’re telling me I deserve to have my heart broken by a boy who’d rather lose his best friend than admit he…” I pause suddenly, unsure of how I was even going to finish my sentence. “I can’t keep doing this to myself, Damon. I can’t keep putting myself in these situations where I know I’m only going to end up worse off than I already was. It’s tiring. I’m so fucking tired of it.”
“Stella, give it time. Have a little faith.” I raise a brown at him silently asking,are you fucking serious right now?Apparently, he understands, chuckling quietly at my expense.
“Look, you’re right, I’m not usually the type of guy that would say these things, okay? I’m sure by now you’ve learned that about me. I spent a lot of time pissed the fuck off at Scarlett for choosing to be with Ace despite everything he did and put her through. I stood up for Jade against your cousin because I saw how much she was hurting and how he wasn’t giving her a chance to think about what she wanted from him. Again, you’re right, Kai is a fucking son of a bitch who is letting his pride and all the fucked-up shit in his brain affect his relationship with you. It’s because I care so much about him that I’m asking you to not give up on him. I’ve seen the way he is with you, the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is paying attention. You are exactly everything he needs and yeah, it’s selfish of me to ask you to keep up this charade, but I’m only doing it because I know you both deserve the happiness you so eagerly want to deny yourselves.”
I'm held captive by the sincerity and depth of emotion in his words. Damon’s never been someone who’s openly shared his feelings so easily before. At least not with me. This side of him, these emotions, and confessions, is exactly what I wish I’d get from Kai.
But he’s made it obvious has no intentions of ever opening up to me and sharing his deepest secrets and darkest truths. Maybe I’m not keen on sharing anymore either.
“I can’t keep this going Damon, please understand I’m wasting my time, because this plan of yours to give us ourhappily ever afteris useless. He’ll never look at me the way I see him. He’ll never see me as more than a friend because he won’t allow himself to. But even if he did, we’d never have a real future together. He’d never allow it.”
“Who wouldn’t allow it?” he demands, instantly catching my word vomit. Ugh, I hate how vulnerable I get when I’m angry and frustrated. It’s like all control slips out of my fingers and I become a blubbering mess.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say, trying to shrug it off, but it doesn’t work.
“Like hell it doesn't matter,” he exclaims, his usual protective alpha attitude making its long-awaited appearance. “I never wanted to say anything before because frankly it’s none of my damn business, but now, Stella, I consider you a friend. And not just a friend of my friends, but a genuine friend, one I’d do anything to help and protect. I’ve known something’s been up with you for a while. You're pretty damn good at hiding it, so doesn’t surprise me that no one else has noticed, but I noticed the signs. Signs I once saw before from someone close to me, I see when I look at you. The blank stares you give when you’re drunk. The way your eyes are always dilated, the faded bruising you think you do a good job of covering up with makeup. The way you flinch whenever someone comes close to you.”
I’m stunned, immobile, and practically hyperventilating, the air being sucked out of me like I’m drowning in a raging wave of panic. I shake my head fervently, closing my eyes and praying once I open them, he’ll be gone, moved on from what he’s asking me.
“Who’s hurting you, Silver?”
It doesn’t work. I can sense him watching me, waiting for a response I’m not ready to give. Closing my eyes, I inhale sharply, calming my unsteady breaths. “You would believe me if I told you, Damon,” I mutter aloud. At least I think I do.
His hands rest upon my shoulder, and I flinch at the contact, just like he’s previously observed. “You’d be surprised what I’d believe, Stella.”
This can’t happen. Drake cannot uncover my truths. Truths I’ve kept hiding under lock and key, chained to concrete blocks, and thrown into the depths of the ocean. I swore to myself I’d take my troubles to the grave. Stephan is a monster, and he’s going to burn in hell for all he’s done to me, but I’ll be right there along with him if I confess. Because I know for a fact my cousin, my friends, wouldn’t stop until he’s paid for what he’s done. And I can’t let that happen.
“I can’t tell you, Damon.”
“If he’s threatening you Stella…”
Something in my snaps. My resolve, whatever is left of my sanity, snaps like a fucking twig. A thin rubber band wounding my skin. “I can’t tell you because I can’t comprehend how I’ve been so goddamn weak. Saying it out loud is accepting that everything that’s happened to me is my fault. I depend on him after all the shit he’s done to me. I’m sick in the fucking head because after all I’ve been through at the hands of that monster, all I want is for Kai to except me when all he does is make me feel worthless. The same excruciating pain delivered differently causes the same ache. From the hands of one beast, I flee into the arms of another. Of course, it’s not physically the same thing, but mentally, emotionally, it’s just as screwed up.”
