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SEVENTEEN
KAI
“I knew you were a foolish kid. You’d skip class, graffiti the brick walls down by the train tracks with your real name. Countless times you snuck into the club, stole liquor from my bar or whatever liquor store you ended up at that night, and smoked my weed when you thought I wasn’t looking, but you were just that, a kid. A parentless, stupid fucking kid who had no positive role models, no sense of direction, and no rules to follow. I couldn’t expect more from you, you were doing the best you could to survive after all you’d been through.” My uncle Zeke paces back and forth in his apartment, as I stand here by the front door, nearly crushing the liquor bottle held tightly in my hands.
The fucking nerve of the old man to suddenly throw my fucked-up childhood in my face. Where was he when I needed this supposedrole modelto keep me out of trouble? Yeah, sure, he’s a fucking outlaw himself, but at least I’d be under his wing and out of whatever mess I could get myself into. I would have never been taken to Servite. I would have never mether.
And that’s the real fucking issue.
Of course, I didn’t say any of that. No, instead I’m just standing here with my tail between my legs, biting down on my tongue so tightly I can taste the metallic tinge dripping down my throat.
I got drunk, no fucking trashed, the night of graduation, and have every night since then. For three weeks I’ve been a complete fucking train-wreck. I’ve broken countless things, trashed the clubhouse, inside and out, have gone through enough weed and alcohol to keep a whole village supplied for years, and fought with every member of The Cobras that has dared to break my uncle Zeke’s rule of staying the hell away from me.
None of it’s worked, though.
She’s still front and center in my mind. I knew I should have stayed the fuck away from her.
To say Zeke was pissed when I agreed to deliver the crates of drugs for Kane is the understatement of the century. Despite my major fuck up, I got rid of it all. Stephan Silver’s drug, Tran-Q, is up and coming and in high demand, so it was really no hard task. Especially wearing this cut. The Cobras are the law in Pleasant Hills, and the punk-ass kids in the neighboring towns know it too. That goes to say anything given to you by a Cobra, is guaranteed good shit.
Besides, I understood the appeal, having taken a few during my spiral. I had to try it, willing to try anything to erase her lingering presence.
A worry-free sense of calm passes over you the moment the pill dissolves on your tongue, followed by the same type of high you’d get if you were onecstasy. Of course, the effects are enhanced with the consumption of alcohol like any other recreational drug, which I’ve had my fair share of, but the aftermath is what’s troubling.
Tran-Q isn’t as lethal as KISS, but the addiction keeps it in circuit. Highly addictive like any other drugs used to treat anxiety, especially in this growing epidemic of mental health struggles teens and young adults these days are facing. It’s like everyone around me is not only looking for the drug to get high, but they need it to function properly.
When Kane mentioned it was Stephan Silver's goods, I should have known and stayed away. I knew the man was a ruthless “businessman”, dealing in all sorts of things, from drugs to illegal gambling, and even dabbling in prostitution. Nothing good would come of this exchange, yet I found myself sucked into it all. Only it wouldn’t stop there. I dipped my hands in his filthy pool and it was going to be harder than I thought to get them out.
Then again, there was only one real reason I was willing to risk it all, and her name was Stella Silver.
I thought by seeing firsthand the type of man her uncle was, I could figure out a way to free her from his clutches. She may have never outright admitted it to me, or anyone else, but I knew she feared the man more than anything else in this world. Hell, his own son, the fearless Sebastian Silver, feared him and was determined to stay as far away as possible from him, but Stella kept going back.
It all became crystal clear to me the day of graduation.
The morning of, I was determined to end this farce once and for all. I was tired of pretending, of convincing myself daily that I had no interest in Stella other than perhaps a quick fuck to get her out of my system. It was all a huge fucking lie. I wanted Stella more than I’d ever wanted anything or anyone else in my life.
She was perfect.
Beautiful, kind, innocent, untouched, and no not only because she’s a virgin, I could care less about that insignificant detail, but she was untouched by true darkness. And that was a rarity in my world. Sure, Stella had this dark cloud looming over her, but her melancholia was caused by grief and the pain of being cast aside by her family and friends. Her weakness was an irrational fear of abandonment. Stella felt she was unworthy because no one ever showed her what love was, but deep down, she was good.
However, I was marked by the devil himself. I was branded worthless from day one by the very people who brought me to this world. Bad to the fucking bone, born of criminals, and surrounded by the worst kinds of men. I was tainted, and that’s the reason I needed to stay away.
But I couldn’t anymore, willing to risk it all. To risk tainting her with my darkness in order to feel even an ounce of her light. It wasn’t until that very day, I realized we’d all been blind.
Stella wasn’t living in spite of her uncle. She didn’t hate the man; she feared him. A crippling fear that kept her in the dark, and me being near, would only leave her worse off. I saw it in his eyes the day when I almost took her away. His threatening stare when I told him she’d be leaving with me, not with him. I feared for her, was deeply afraid of what he’d do if she left with me. I’ve suspected for a while he’d hurt her. If I’m being honest, I’m surprised I didn’t figure it out months ago. Stella flinches at the slightest touch, wears a look of panic every time he’s in the room, and constantly lives on edge, needing to be this perfect version of herself.
Not to mention the addiction to the pills she takes to treat her panic attacks. Stella drowns her sorrows in the bottom of a liquor bottle, and although it probably doesn’t take much alcohol to intoxicate her, mixed with her meds, she’s always a fucking mess.
That day, I knew I couldn’t do that to her. So, I did the only thing I knew would ensure she stayed safe.
I broke her.
I left and cracked the last piece, keeping my beautiful porcelain doll whole. I confirmed the one thing she’s always feared was true.
That she wasn’t worth it, and it shattered her into a million pieces.
“But this, what you’ve just done, Malachi,” Zeke’s voice brings me out of my thoughts. Shit, I forgot I was still here being lectured by him for being noticed by Stephan Silver.
Thanks to me, The Cobras were now on the top of his shitlist. “God, son, you put a fucking target on your back, on all of our backs. The Cobras spent so long trying to stay out of his reach. Wesley and Stephan have tried so hard to get us to do their bidding and we’d always refused. I sleep well at night, as well as a man like me can, dealing in guns. Hell, I’ll even launder money from time to time, but I keep my hands clean of everything else. Drugs, prostitution, human trafficking, which isn’t what we were about, son.”
