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Whoa. I did not want to hear this.
Hawk: She tickles my face with her whiskers, and sometimes she even puts her paw on my nose.
Thank God. I whooped and fist-pumped into the air.
Me: She’s a lucky girl.
Hawk: Rambo has taken to her too. They’ve become fast friends. He’s curled up in the crook of my legs.
I missed Rambo and was so happy to hear he had settled into his new home quickly. And snugly. Maybe I could devise a plan to see them both by having him meet me at a dog park with the excuse that I wanted to see Rambo.
No. Don’t be an idiot. Avoid the sexy addiction at all costs.
Me: Give Rambo a kiss for me.
Hawk: They’re both getting extra cuddles tonight.
Me: What did they do to earn that reward?
And what could I do for a reward from Hawk?
Hawk: I won’t be around much in the next few weeks. Don’t look for me at the clinic.
What?I reread the last message five times. What was he trying to say here? That he wasn’t going to see me anymore? Nerves fidgeted in my gut.
But I didn’t want him to know I was freaking out about not seeing him.Keep it cool, Lila.
Me: Let me guess. You’re going out of town for business.
Hawk: Business always has to come first.
Me: I hope you have a good pet sitter.
Cause if you don’t, I’ll take care of them.
Hawk: She’s the best.
She? I wanted to ask who it was and where he was going. But mostly the burning question I had was if he was going away with someone? But I wouldn’t ask. I didn’t want to know the answer…to any of those questions because I had a feeling he was lying and that he wasn’t going anywhere. I had given him an excuse to use, and he’d clung to it.
But why was he lying to me when we didn’t even have a relationship? And would I never see him again? He didn’t owe me any explanation. Or even these texts. Why reach out to me to say he wouldn’t be around anymore?
I typed and deleted, typed and deleted, not knowing how to answer. Finally, I decided to keep it aloof.Don’t make him think you’ll miss him.
Me: Have fun…don’t do anything I wouldn’t…and what was that other line? Oh yeah, be safe.
Hawk: Goodnight, Kitten.
Hawk: Take care of yourself.
Hawk: …
I stared at my phone for a good ten minutes, those blinking three dots promising something else, but it never came. They eventually disappeared, and no other texts came through.
Eventually, I turned off my phone and closed my eyes.
Unable to shake off the awful feeling that this was the last goodbye, I pulled the extra pillow tight into my chest and sighed. Visions of Hawk kissing my forehead lulled me to sleep.
