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32
Hawk
Ipulledinfrontof Lila’s building with a heavy heart. A weekend wasn’t enough. I knew it wouldn’t be. I was more hooked than before.
Was this a mistake? Would it have been better to not spend so much time with her? I thought it would be a weekend of pure sex, but I was an idiot to think I could spend time with her and not start falling for her.
But I had to be honest with myself.
I was falling.
And I couldn’t stop.
Maybe I should put Finn and Leo in charge of the New York operation while I move to…what’s the furthest state from here? California? Alaska? Hawaii?
Why bother? It didn’t matter how far I went. There wasn’t a single place on earth I could escape to that would make me stop thinking about her. And no matter where I went, nothing would stop me from coming back and claiming her as mine.
I had to stop fooling myself that it was the old me talking because it was just me. There was no old me. No new me. I had to stop being a wuss and blaming my actions on something as pathetic as the old me or my father or childhood emotional traumas.
It came down to one thing and one thing only.
I wanted Lila.
Did I care enough about her to keep her safe from me and my world? No. I was too damn selfish for that. I wasn’t a good guy and never would be.
I took what I wanted. When I wanted it.
I had told her we would never see each again after tonight. I was going back on my word. She was probably fucking dizzy by now.
Shit, I was dizzy with myself, always turning in circles with the same goddamn argument.
Keep her safe. Or take what I want.
There was no more argument. She was mine. Even though she didn’t know it yet.
Lila fidgeted with the masquerade mask resting on her lap. “Well, thanks for the lift and—” Her words broke as a tiny sob escaped her.
I was fucking scum. This pain she felt because she thought she’d never see me again was nothing compared to the pain she’d feel once I sucked her into my life for my own selfish needs.
But I was doing it anyway.
Mine.
I leaned in and cupped her cheek. “Kitten, I—”
A light turning on in the building behind her caught my attention. It was from Lila’s apartment. “Were you expecting company?”
She batted my hand away. “No. And I won’t invite you up either. I think we both know the longer we prolong this, the more difficult it will be.” She rushed out of my car.
“Wait!” I bolted out and slid across the hood of my Aston Martin.
“Seriously, Hawk.” She wiped a tear away. “This is hard enough as it is. Just let me go.”
I grabbed her wrist and, with my other hand, I reached behind me and grasped my gun, keeping it at the ready but hidden from Lila. “Don’t move,” I snapped.
I scanned the area, my eyes darting from one potential hiding spot to another. “Someone’s in your house. You can’t go up there.”
“Let go.” She wriggled her arm, trying to get out of my hold.
