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Chapter thirty-three
At some point in their lives, everyone finds themselves in their own personal hell. Where the fire blazes all around you and it seems like the only way out is to walk through it, scars be damned. I was staring at the fire. All of the ugly truths I’d been hiding in my heart danced around me like restless demons begging to be set free. That fight between Lincoln and Grey was only the beginning.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen this way. The fight. Seeing Lincoln. This conversation…” I shook my head. “This wasn’t how any of it was supposed to go.”
“So, you did fuck him?”
I didn’t reply. There was no need. The answer was obvious.
She sat down, bringing her knees to her chest and burying her toes in the sand.
I sat next to her the same way.
She stared out over the ocean.
I stared at her. “I’m sorry, Tatum. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“You lied to me about the one thing you knew meant the most.” She paused a beat. “When?”
“What?”
She looked at me. “When did it happen?”
“The first time?”
Her mouth fell open. “Oh my god, it was more than once?” She stared back out at the ocean.
I closed my eyes, hating the fact that she couldn’t even look at me.Just when I thought this wouldn’t be so bad. With every second that ticked by, regret intensified until it became a burning, festering tumor in the pit of my stomach.
I opened my eyes and focused on the waves. The scent of salty air floated in with every foamy crest. “The first time was on my seventeenth birthday. I wanted to tell you. Iwas goingto tell you. Then…” My throat was dry, so I swallowed, then took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. “Then they took me.”
She huffed a laugh. “Well, you made it seven years before falling under his spell. That’s a record, I suppose.”
A long moment of silence stretched between us—that awkward space between things you wish you could un-say and things that still needed to be said. Tatum was always the understanding one. I was the one who flew off the handle. I always relied on her patience to keep me grounded. This time her silence was torture.
“He didn’t go to your funeral, you know. He got all dressed up and then as we were walking out the door he refused to go,” she finally said. My chest tightened at the thought of Lincoln finally wearing a suit but being too broken to leave the house in it. “It all makes sense now. The drinking. The way he disappeared inside himself after you died….” She trailed off like her mind was pulling up unwanted memories while mine pulled up unwanted visions. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could listen to. Then she turned to me. “Out of all the lies I’ve ever been told. Out of all the people who have kept secrets from me, this one hurts the most.”
That was a punch in the gut, but I deserved it.
I angled my whole body toward her, bringing my legs down to the sand. “Our friendship never had anything to do with my love for Lincoln. I hope you know that. I hope you believe that.”
Her expression softened at the mention of love.
The ache in my chest became suffocating. I knew the truth wouldn’t stay hidden forever. I knew one day Tatum would find out. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this bad. “You have always been the one and only good thing in my fucked-up life. Making you my friend that day on the dock was the greatest thing I’ve ever done. I am the sarcastic rebel and you are the ray of sunshine. Without you I can’t breathe.” I swallowed past the anguish lumped in my throat. I couldn’t lose her, not again, not twice in one lifetime. It would kill me. “You’re my best friend,” I whispered, too choked up to say the words any louder.
“You said you love him. Did you mean it?”
“Yes.”
“Then you should go to him. He needs you.”
“Youneed me.” I scooted closer and grabbed her hand. She didn’t pull away. That was a good sign, right?
Her mouth curved in a small smile.Definitely a good sign.“I needsleep. I’m getting married in a few hours to a catastrophe of my own.”
“I’m not leaving until I know we’re okay.”
“We’re okay.” Her smile widened. “You’re rebellious. He’s dangerous. It was bound to happen. And if life has taught me anything, it’s that it’s too short to hold grudges.”
