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27
Nova
“Are you getting cabin fever?” I ask Gigi as I straighten the towel underneath me.
We lie on the lounge chairs by the pool, soaking up the afternoon sun. The last few days have been overcast and chilly, with the morning fog lasting until evening.
It surprised me how quickly my mood shifted to glum, considering I spent part of my life in Connecticut, where the sun hid for months during the winter. I remember hating Greenwich when we moved there. I missed the sun and dry weather of SoCal, but after a while it became part of life and I became used to the depressing, bone-chilling winters.
After being here for over a month, I can’t imagine going back. I’m a California girl and it took me until now to realize it. Boom. Another future decision checked off my list. Riley would be so proud.
“In case you didn’t notice, I only leave the house out of necessity,” Gigi answers and dips a celery stick into the carrot hummus on the table between us.
The moment is oddly reminiscent of the first day I arrived—minus Riley.
“How about you?” she asks.
“I’m used to worse conditions, like being trapped inside due to bad weather.” Or only going out at night when Justice was awake. “This is easy, and we’re hardly cooped up.” I gesture to the beautifully landscaped surroundings.
“Tennis later?” Gigi adjusts her hat so that the wide rim shades her face.
It’s our new thing as of this week. Gigi thinks it keeps my mind off being on lockdown and helps distract me from thoughts of Riley. I’ve been keeping busy, designing, overseeing the garments brought to life, planning the launch of my first collection—the goal is the fall—and working out daily, whether it’s in the gym or on the tennis court. I have a schedule but even with all the distractions, Riley is never far from my mind. I imagine him peering over my shoulder, reassuring me like he used to do. I even imagine his arms around me at night when I sleep in his bed. I’m fully moved into the Caribbean suite, like I’d wanted from the start, but it’s not the same without him here. He’s a part of me now. I can’t imagine a day without thinking about him, wondering how he’s doing, wondering what he’d think about my life and how I’ve turned myself around. He doesn’t even know he was a role model to me, inspiring me to believe in myself and love myself as I am, not how I think I should be.
“Any new updates from Mr. Glenn?” I sip my green juice.
“Same as yesterday.”
“And no word from Riley?” I thought for sure he’d contact me after what happened. I dreamed he did, only to wake up disappointed when reality set in.
“He says no news is good news.” She tilts her head to the side, a tender smile on her face. “Don’t give up hope. Remember what Shantay said.”
I look away as unshed tears sting my eyes. I don’t let myself cry over his loss anymore because, in my mind, he’s still with me. In my heart, we’re not over. I don’t know how long I’ll hold onto this, although I fear it will never leave me. No one will be good enough, and if I allow a guy into my life, I will compare him to Riley on every level, in every way. I know I will.
The night of the tarot card party, I was last to get my reading, too afraid of what Shantay might say. When I finally sat at her round table off to the side of the garden, far enough away from the party for privacy, she said she’d been waiting for me.
Shantay does the readings at all of Gigi’s parties. I met her the summer I was sixteen and visiting for a month. My reading then was mostly about my relationship with my mom and self-acceptance. I saw her the summer after that, and the reading was similar; however, she stated a life-changing event was on the horizon that could send me into a spiral. I know now that life-changing event was my father passing and my relationship with Justice.
This time, she said I had a clear path ahead of me and a journey I’ve never experienced. I had a chance for a fresh start and the life that was planned for me if I seized the opportunity and didn’t waste what I’ve been gifted. She also said my heart found its match and would forever be tied to that person. He is my soul mate and from my past, reinserted in my life at the right time for both of us.
How could I not believe that person is Riley, and the gifts are my talent and my resources?
I’ve wasted a lot of time, being reckless and not seeing the amazing things and people around me. I don’t even despise my mom the way I used to, although I have moments when I allow myself to dwell on the past and how she wasn’t there or what I needed her to be. Then I think about Gigi and how even though I wasn’t given the mother I needed, the universe gave me my grandmother. Some people don’t even get that. But I did, and she is amazing.
I’m amazing, too. Shantay told me to recite those words five times before I went to bed at night. I do, even though it was hard to say—five times felt exhausting—and I didn’t so much believe it at first, but I do now. It’s easy to say, and more importantly, I believe it. I believe in myself, which is why I can’t let go of Riley. As much as I believe in myself now, I believe we’re not over. We can’t be. I refuse to accept that, despite the obstacles and huge fact that he is nowhere near my life. I don’t even know where he is, but that letter from Marina was sent to me for a reason. Fate still wants us united.
“Shantay has never steered me wrong,” Gigi says as if she knows my thoughts. “She was talking about Riley in your reading; I believe that wholeheartedly. I knew the moment you two intersected in this very spot that the stars had aligned.”
I snort. “You couldn’t have known that. He and I barely talked, and I had food all over me. The stars wouldn’t be that cruel.”
“It’s been my experience that the most important and influential moments in my life are based on interactions or events that seemed inconsequential, if not disastrous.” She wipes her hands on the cloth napkin on her lap. “The day I met your mother was one of the worst days of my life. I wasn’t planning on adopting a child. I’d been pondering the idea of becoming a mother, but I was on location in Spain and didn’t think anything of it. The director added a last-minute shoot in the south of Portugal. We had a small plane. The air conditioning broke. My luggage got destroyed. The weather was horrible. No one had bothered to check the weather or realized a storm had been brewing off the coast. When it hit, we were driving to a remote outdoor location and had to seek shelter because the dirt road flooded.
“We ended up at an orphanage. They were incredibly kind and accommodating. I met several children that day but was drawn to the shy girl in the corner who was terrified of storms. I sat with her on a blanket, where she cuddled a ratty teddy bear, and I read her a story, wanting—needing—to comfort her. When the storm passed enough for us to depart, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I dreamed about her and longed to see her again and hold her in my arms. I could still feel her against me, her big green eyes watching my face as I read rather than taking in the pictures in the book. I was as fascinated with her as she was with me.
“Weeks passed and the film finished, but I couldn’t leave without seeing her one last time. So I rearranged my schedule to return to the orphanage. The journey wasn’t much better—apart from no storm—but I didn’t notice the struggles like I did the first time. I was on a mission, and I knew it would have a happy ending. Your mother ran into my open arms when she saw me, and I never let her go.”
“You never told me that story before.” I got a short version from my mother, who focused on how horrible her life was before Gigi and then how difficult it was after, adjusting to luxury, fame, her ethnicity, and why she couldn’t have been fated to be Gigi’s biological child—something she still deals with today.
“Your mother doesn’t like to hear it. She says I tell the story as if it were a scene from a movie.”
