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“Ihavetoadmit,Ididn’tseethatcoming,”JohnsaysaswemakeittothetopofCowlesMountain,thehighestpeakinthecityofSanDiegoatawhopping1,593feet.Ittookustwohourstoreachthesummit.IspentmostofittellingJohnofmynightwithLuke.IleftoutthepartaboutBrodyMetzerbecauseonceheknows,that’sallhe’llbeabletofocuson.
“Yea. Me either.”
“So, are you going to see him again?” he asks.
“I think so, but we didn’t make any plans. He was gone when I woke up and I haven’t heard from him. He’s probably day tripping to New York on his jet or something.”
John chuckles. “Not even billionaires can time travel, but you’re right. I’m sure he’s a busy guy, but he’ll reach out to you. He sounds like an early riser. Maybe he had a client or something. Just be patient.”
I didn’t voice my concerns, but I never have to with John. He always seems to be two steps ahead of me with my own thoughts.
I plop down onto the boulder next to him and gaze over the city. The ocean is a thin bluish gray line in the distance. My gaze scans the freeways and bustling movement of a city that still seems like a small town instead of the vast metropolis that it is. Other hikers appear and start grabbing spots to watch the approaching sunset. The sky is already turning orange.
“So, I have something to tell you. You won’t like it,” John says, meeting my eyes.
I raise an eyebrow as a ball of unease settles in my gut. “If you tell me you’re moving away, I can’t guarantee I won’t throw a tantrum in front of all these people.”
He chuckles and shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere. It’s about Barbara.”
I clamp my mouth shut and stare at the ground. John refuses to call her mom. He says she lost that privilege when she abandoned us. I couldn’t argue with it. The weight that’s always in my chest gets heavier.
“Is she dead?” It falls from my lips and I don’t regret it. We haven’t heard from her since she abandoned us twenty years ago. I can only assume that’s what he’s figured out.
He shakes his head no, not upset that I jumped to that conclusion.
He sighs and rubs his thigh before he looks at me. “I talked to Dad yesterday. She reached out to him. She’s living in Texas, only a few hours away from him. They’re meeting for dinner tonight.” He glances at his watch. “They’re meeting right now.”
Blood pounds in my ears. “Why?” I can’t hide my incredulous tone.
He sighs. “Dad said she wanted to catch up.” His lips thin, and he picks up a rock and slams it to the ground. It shatters because I swear he’s The Hulk.
“Catch up? That’s what you do with friends you haven’t seen in a few months, not ex-husbands you abandoned. What the hell?” I try to temper my tone, but it’s difficult.
“Dad and I fought about it for over an hour. I tried to talk him out of going but he wouldn’t budge.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?” My dad and I talk about everything. He even knows about Luke.
“He didn’t want to upset you before your date.”
I sigh and cross my arms.
“What do you think she wants?” I ask. The idea of her talking with my dad riles up my protectiveness. She’s already hurt him once, what’s stopping her from doing it again?
He shrugs. “I’m hoping she wants to apologize. She owes Dad that much, at least. But she’s a stranger, I don’t know what type of person she is anymore.”
“Once a coward, always a coward. She didn’t bother to reach out to her own children. I don’t like this. I have a terrible feeling.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I know, me too. Dad says he’ll be careful. I think he’s curious more than anything.”
The sun sinks lower to the horizon. I can’t help but think about the day she left us. She didn’t give us any warning, dropping us like trash with no explanation. Flashes of that horrible night flit through my brain like a movie reel. John held my hand in a firm grip as we walked home when mom failed to pick us up from school. In hindsight, I think he needed my hand as much as I needed his. He slowed his pace so I could keep up with his long legs and heated a pizza for dinner when we got home.
When dad showed up in his uniform, something he’d never done before, I knew it was bad. The three of us clung to each other as our world was forever changed. She had left him a note telling him she didn’t want this life anymore. Translation: she didn’t want us anymore. I couldn’t figure out why. Dad said nothing specific, just that she was an unhappy person, and it was nobody’s fault but hers. I had a hard time swallowing that. She found something wrong with us, or why else would she leave? It made little sense. But that didn’t mean what she did wasn’t cruel. She was selfish and uncaring for not trying to fix whatever she was unhappy with.
It didn’t take long for me to realize I didn’t need my mom. I had my rockstar dad and my amazing brother. After John’s car accident a few years after mom left, we became best friends. Things that used to bother him just didn’t anymore. He should have died, but by some miracle, he made a full recovery.
But sometimes I missed her. She wasn’t there for my high school and college graduations. She wasn’t there on my wedding day, not that it mattered in the end. A part of me always thought that if I could make her proud, she’d return. I kept that to myself, though. She’s never coming back.
