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“Absolutely. What else are you curious about?”
“What the percentages are of the cancer coming back after she has the other surgery,” she said, crossing her arms and pinning me with a stare that mirrored her grandmother.
“Let’s get the spaghetti in the water, and I’ll do my best to answer any question you have. Okay?”
She nodded again and turned to Ava, who had done a fabulous job turning the pieces of hotdogs into octopi. We divided everything between three pots, then added the rest of the noodles to the pink water and set the table. The girls got situated with a princess movie in the living room, and I stood watching the bubbling, colored water, seriously debating the sanity of eating black octopus spaghetti.
“Thank you,” Emma’s small voice said, sliding her hand into mine. I squeezed it, leaned down, eye-level with her, and rested my hands on her shoulders.
“Of course. I know this has been a tough day for you, but I won’t make you go to sleep until we know she’s okay and you have the answers you need.”
“I don’t want to eat the black spaghetti.”
“Me either. I want the blue,” I said, standing back up to switch off the burners. “I’ll pour the milk if you’ll get the glasses.
I collapsed on the sofa, not bothering with the television. Ava fell asleep a quarter of the way through a dragon movie after dinner, but Emma stayed awake until she got a chance to FaceTime her mom, who was recovering well.
I was staying with the girls overnight so Will could be with Beth. The way that man held Beth, packing an overnight bag, then gently kissing Ava and Emma, promising homemade waffles with whip cream for breakfast, had me longing for the same kind of love.
Unconditional love.
Katrina would relieve me in the morning, and this couch would be perfect for tonight. If I pressed my nose hard enough into the pillow, there was still the fading scent of green apples. I would help this family however I could, but truthfully, I needed to get out of this house. Simon’s presence was a palpable force. Everything reminded me of him, from the smells and pictures to the girl’s blonde hair and family resemblance.
This house was like a slap in the face of what could have been if he had listened to me—if he had taken one fucking minute and thought about what we had. I desperately asked him to stop and let me explain, but that was neither here nor there.
I was the one who lied and broke his trust.
The couch sunk under my weight as I turned on my side, throwing an arm over my face and wishing they had the clapper or something so I could turn off the lights without moving.
A sharp knock at the front door jerked me up from the couch, not ten minutes after I laid down, and I groaned at the thought of being social. I could ignore the persistent sound, but I didn’t want to take the chance it would wake the girls or turn away a well-meaning relative. For all I knew, it might be Katrina here early to relieve me.
It was horrible to think about and left my chest feeling empty, but I couldn’t keep myself entwined with this family. Instead of being sad or hurt or angry, I felt nothing. There was a void in my chest, a space where my heart used to be, and if there was a chance of anything growing there again, I couldn’t stay here.
I smoothed my hands over my hair and tucked the loose strands behind my ears before opening the door. The fake smile that stretched across my cheeks made my face feel too tight, but it fell away to nothingness when my brain registered who stood on the front porch. A giant warning light screeched above my head with the words Danger Imminent written in bold neon script as I took in the wrinkled clothes and disheveled expression of Simon Kelly.
I’d never seen him look so tormented, and I’d feel sorry for him if I could feel anything. His hair was a mess, sticking up in some places and lying lank in others, and it looked like he grabbed his black button-down shirt from a crumpled heap in the back corner of his closet. A sheen of sweat covered his face even though it was cooler outside. There were dark purple smudges underneath his eyes and broken capillaries above them, making his beautiful porcelain skin look haunted and sallow.
My hand went to my throat, and I massaged the muscle to remove the uncomfortable knot that had formed while I stared at him, forcing myself to speak first.
“Are you here to watch the girls? Let me grab my purse and I’ll leave.” I turned around, closing my eyes to compose myself and keeping a steady pressure on my throat. I’d taken one step into the hallway when I felt icy fingers grip my wrist, digging into the sensitive skin. I hissed with the pressure and the goosebumps that erupted on my arms when I felt his touch, but I didn’t allow the sound to escape my lips.
“Please.” His voice cracked, hoarse and broken, making the space inside my chest sprout a seedling of hope that he was here to hear me out finally—to let me explain why I let that disgusting man touch me. But the rational part of my brain, the part that had kept me safe all these years from getting hurt, continued to flash those warning signals.
“I tried,” I said, pulling on my arm in a weak attempt to jerk it out of his grip. If this were the last time I would feel those long, slender fingers against my skin, I would soak it up like a sponge and commit it to memory. It would be the only thing I’d have of him to remember on those nights when I wouldn’t be able to convince myself sleeping alone was the right thing to do. My stupid body was starved for Simon’s touch. His touch and the smooth way the word honey would roll off his tongue.
“Let go. You walked away, Simon. I’m not doing this. I need to leave.”
My voice remained steady for the tug-of-war between my mind and heart, but I knew the dam would break when I released the pressure on my throat. One of us had to be gone before that happened. He would not see another moment of weakness from me.
“I put in an above asking offer on the Seabee house.”
What?
I stopped the persistent tugging from getting my wrist out of his grasp and turned around, twisting my arm, so he had no choice but to let go. The empty space seedling nonsense in my chest was replaced with a brush fire. If he thought putting an offer in on that house would somehow make up for everything, he had another thing coming. I hadn’t completed the final walk-through or verified the asking price with the sellers.
Who the fuck does he think he is? Cocky. Arrogant.
“Am I supposed to be impressed you’re paying however much for a house to live in alone? That doesn’t change anything. Nothing will. I let you in. I fucking let you in. And you completely destroyed me.”
