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Chapter 16
Who I Am
Chloe
I open my eyes to find gray ones staring back at me. I focus and take in his face as he stands over the bed. The bruise on his cheek and his busted lip bring earlier back to me.
I twist my face up and lift to get dressed. I should have been gone by now. I didn’t mean to sleep so long. When I look at the clock, I see I’ve slept the day away.
“Baby, stop,” he calls as I start to slide off the bed.
“Stop calling me that.”
“You will always be my baby, Cee,” he replies.
“I’m leaving. This time, leave me alone.”
“My father had my life mapped out from the womb. I can’t remember ever dreaming of wanting to be a fireman or a police officer. I never dreamed of those things because I knew I was going to be governor.
“All roads were leading right for that seat. Until the day I walked into a coffee shop and saw the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I never imagined you were so young.
“I… I was so fucked up over losing you the first time, but the scandal our relationship would have caused… I had to let you go,” he chokes out.
“Why are you telling me this?” I whisper.
“I need you to understand. If, after I tell you things from my side, you decide to leave… I’ll try to let you go. It’s not going to be easy for me. I’ve loved you since that first date.” He chuckles softly, but his words are filled with pain.
“What’s so funny?”
“When I think about it now, I should’ve known you were too young for me. You were adorable and so nervous, but you were just what I needed. You didn’t expect anything from me, and you just let me be,” he replies.
“Getting over you was so hard,” I say into my lap.
“You’re preaching to the choir,” he scoffs. “My father couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me, so he sent me off to stay with my uncle. I spent most of my time with him drunk.”
He climbs onto the bed, sitting with his back to the headboard. Reaching for me, he pulls me between his legs. My back to his front.
I remain stiff. A war rages as I sit in his embrace. Yet, I can’t move away and I’m hanging on to every word.
“I told myself… I’d just check on you. See you one last time. You know… see you as a woman and wish you well. But you walked into that room and took my breath away. I knew then, I’d never love another.
“Things were so all over the place. My father was really pushing me to secure my hold on supporters and run for mayor. We were going to make the big leap from there.
“One day, I just stopped. You were in one of my T-shirts, walking around the apartment I kept for us. It felt more real to me than anything else in my life. Clay had this plan. We were going to walk away from my father’s money, his connections, everything.
“It wasn’t a question of if he would be furious. It was how furious? I couldn’t chance him homing in on you and destroying your life—”
“None of that mattered to me. My life was ruined anyway. I… something broke inside,” I say softly. “I just couldn’t find that…that thing. It was gone.”
The tears start again. That time in my life was so hard. I still don’t think I’ve fully gotten my life back together since. I know I haven’t.
“I see that.” His voice breaks. “Baby, in my mind I was doing the right thing. After you talked about your life all week. I realized you had responsibilities you couldn’t walk away from.
“You were so mature for your age. With so much on your shoulders, I couldn’t ask you to leave your sister behind and I didn’t know if my brother’s crazy plan would work. I couldn’t afford to take care of you and Ally. It was best if I broke things off,” he says hoarsely.
“I would have waited. For you, I would have waited,” I sniffle.
“I know, but you were so young, so beautiful. I couldn’t ask you to sit around waiting on me. For months, I was destitute. I had nothing. Babe, the shit I had to do to eat.” He makes a disgusted sound.
