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I was turning out to be a really sucky therapist, or Josh was a crap patient. Maybe a little of both. "You know, you said something about, in your experience, people give up too easily."
When Josh released an epic sigh, I felt like I'd really delved deeply into the issue. Watch out, Oprah. I'm coming for you!
"I'm talking about my parents," he finally said.
"Oh, the parents. Sorry."
"Are you really, though?" Josh asked, wearing his signature smirk.
Maybe it was time to abort this line of questioning. Maybe I'd had a too few many margaritas. Shit. I mean, a few too many. Wait. Did I say that right?
"Yeah," Josh said, surprising me when he spoke up. "My parents gave up on me all the time, always saying I was a total disappointment, that I wasn't the child they wanted me to be."
My jaw hung open because, one, Josh had opened up to me. And two, what the fuck kind of parents did he have to say something like that?
Yeah, sure, my mom was snobby as hell about people's jobs, but she would never say something like that to me. She just kind of put this pressure on me, always trying to help me figure out what I wanted to do with my life. In my heart, I knew she meant well and was attempting to help me live my best life or whatever.
I turned my chair to look at Josh, but he wouldn't look at me. Right. Avoiding eye contact when having the deep discussions sometimes helped. So I scooched my chair back the way it was and stared out at the twinkling city lights, like Josh was doing.
"I'm so sorry," I said. "That's awful. Truly awful."
He shrugged. "Yeah, it wasn't that bad. They just put a lot of pressure on me to excel in academics, my dad living out his dreams through me—only child, typical bullshit. But all I cared about was sports. I lived for sports, played everything in high school, poured my heart into it."
Staying as still as possible, I didn't dare move, afraid I'd interrupt Josh's train of thought. He was actually confiding in me! Did I say anything? Crap! What did I do? "Hmmm," I eventually said. And that seemed to do it.
Josh continued, "I got an athletic scholarship to SDSU, baseball scholarship, thank God, because my parents refused to pay a cent. But I lost it sophomore year when I tore my ACL playing beach volleyball ironically. I eventually recovered, but my dreams of playing professionally were over."
"Oh, my gosh. How terrible."
"Yeah, it was a horrible time." Josh paused, and the momentary silence from him seemed to convey the memory of his pain. "But as far as college went, my aunt saved the day when she stepped in and told my parents they were being asses. She paid my way, well, along with some hefty student loans, and I changed plans and somehow made it through."
Wow, Josh was seriously a fighter. I was very, very impressed by his persistence.
"So yeah," Josh said. "That's it. Not that big of a deal."
Not that big of a deal? To me, it seemed like a huge deal.
"Well, for what it's worth," I said, "I think your parents should be proud of you... turning your experience around, still finding a way to pursue your passion with sports by writing about it, making a living that way, succeeding, supporting yourself."
He was quiet for a minute, and I wondered if I'd pissed him off or overstepped in some way. Daring to glance at him, I turned my head to see him taking a big drink of his ice water, his cheeks tinged with pink, although it was hard to tell in this setting.
Clearing his throat, he said, "Hey, I think I could use another drink. How about you?"
"Sure. Yeah. Sure."
In the lights reflecting from the bar, I could see Josh better, and his cheeks were definitely pink. I thought back to the last time he'd blushed when I'd turned the tables on him about sex.
Huh, I was beginning to realize something about Josh. He had a tell when the emotions were getting high. And I absolutely loved it.
When he came back, drinks in hand, I noticed he changed the topic of conversation to something lighter, something more familiar to the two of us. Sports of course. And we checked our phones to see how the Dodgers were doing, but things weren't going so well for the home team.
"See? We broke our tradition, and that's why they're losing," Josh said.
"Oops. Sorry about that."
"Well, you gotta lose occasionally to fuel that fire I suppose."
"Yeah. That's the spirit."
