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God, that was like a punch right to my stomach. Especially because I'd maybe wondered that a few times myself. Okay. More than a few times. Many, many times. Lately even more.
But I found myself defending him. "Because it's a very good opportunity. Not just for him. But for us."
Josh scoffed. "And how exactly is that?"
"Well, if you must know, if he does a good job in New York, he'll get a promotion when he comes back and a huge raise so we can, you know, have a really nice wedding, buy a house, all that stuff."
"And that's important to you?" Josh asked.
"Well, yeah." I sighed, twirling a lock of hair in my fingers. "I want to settle down, have kids, start a family. The whole thing."
Josh's quick glance stole right through me. "So you'll move out after the wedding? Is that right?"
"Yep. That's the plan anyway."
He was silent a moment, and I wondered what he was thinking. "When is the wedding exactly?" he eventually asked.
"Next summer is what we're hoping for. But Devon hasn't settled on a date."
Josh revved the gas as he passed a slow mini-van. "Devon hasn't settled on a date, huh? Why is he doing everything anyway? Don't you get a say?"
"Hey, I have a say," I said shortly, my hair twisted into a knot that I was now trying to unravel. "It's just... first of all, I'm not into all that wedding planning stuff, believe it or not."
Josh raised his eyebrows at me. "You're not?"
"No. I never have been. I just want to get to the married part. But the actual wedding part... meh."
"Wow." His lips formed a perfect circle, his brows still heavenwards.
Man, that made me defensive. "Why wow? Just because I'm a girl, I'm supposed to get all dreamy about an uncomfortable-as-shit white gown?"
"Geez, you're feisty today." I didn't say anything to that as he paused for a few seconds at a stop sign and adjusted the air conditioning. "So what's the second thing?" he suddenly asked.
"What second thing? What do you mean?"
"Well, you said, 'First of all,' implying some other reason Devon was planning everything."
"Oh, right." Now I understood. "Well, he's paying for everything, so..."
"Ah, I see." He slowly nodded, his thumbs tapping the steering wheel.
"Yeah. My mom just doesn't have the money, and neither do I. I guess I'll pay for some things like my dress. But it's in upstate New York where Devon's family is from, and they're inviting a ton of people. So it's kind of their thing."
"And you're okay with all of that?"
I shrugged. "Yeah. I don't really care, to be honest. It's not that important to me."
"Hmmm." He honked at someone who wasn't turning left as quickly as they could have. "So if you could have anything you wanted, get married how you actually wanted to, what would you do?"
That didn't require much thought because I already knew. "I'd get married in Vegas."
"And have you told Devon that?"
There he went again with that condescending tone when he said Devon's name, but I didn't say anything this time because the question kind of bothered me. Well, not the question exactly. More the answer. I remained quiet for a long moment as we waited at a stoplight close to our place, the silence filling up the car.
"So," Josh said, "I'm taking it by your silence that you either didn't tell him. Or you did, and he didn't care for the idea."
Why did I feel sick all of the sudden? "The latter," I finally whispered.
