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ISLA
Three hours later, we are sitting in a room on the pediatric floor, waiting on the results of Lochlan’s MRI and CT scan. They were thankfully able to take the tube out, but he’s on the highest flow of oxygen because his lungs are a little weak from having the water in them.
I’m pacing around the room with my heart pounding in my chest. My heart nearly stopped today and I’m still not reassured. Silas is snuggled in the bed with Lochlan, watching a movie on one of the guys' tablets. The other four are sitting around in chairs, but we are going crazy waiting on the results. The doctor said he is confident everything is fine, but I need to know for sure.
On my next pass across the room Bodie snags my hand. “Angel, sit down or you’re going to wear yourself out. You haven’t eaten anything since breakfast, so I’m going to go grab some food from the cafeteria, okay?’’ I want to sink into his touch for reassurance, but I’m still holding myself back. And I know right now isn’t a good time to do that, my mind is understandably occupied with thoughts of my sweet boy.
Getting my hand free, I start to pace again. “I’m not hungry. Lochlan may want something though. They said he could try something small if he is.”
Callum steps up in front of me. “Honey, what happened, it wasn’t your fault. There were seven adults there, and no one noticed he slipped off. We are so sorry we didn’t see him either. I was trying to get a pole set up for him so he could try and catch some bream or catfish. I didn’t realize he wasn’t beside me anymore till you screamed for him.”
“It’s not y’all’s fault; I’m his mother. I feel like I’ve done a shit job of protecting them their whole lives, now this? I wouldn’t survive losing one of my kids. I don’t know how to deal with almost losing him,” I sniff, trying to wipe tears from my eyes but they’re falling faster than I can keep up with. I’m shaken. And I don’t know how to fix this.
“You be grateful he’s alive, be glad you had two trained medics there to help get him back, and you just love him. That’s the easy part, because you’re already an amazing mother.” My heart clenches at his words. It’s strange to have such a genuine compliment and I cling to it. I needed to hear that more than anything else right now. It’s funny how these men seem to anticipate my needs before I even realize what they are.
Hugging Callum and telling him thank you, I make a mental note to process the fact I actually enjoy affection from these men later when I’m less emotional and more rational. Something has been bugging me about the whole situation with the guys, I just don’t have time to think about it in the middle of everything.
Walking to the bed where Si and Loch are, I ask, “Lochlan baby, why were you on the dock alone? You know better than to be that close to the water. You’re not in trouble, we just need to know what happened.” It takes everything in me to keep my voice even. My emotions are all over the place now.
Sighing, he looks so sad. “Everyone was paying attention to bubba because he caught a fish. Our old daddy used to ignore me all the time when bubba did something, and I wanted to catch a fish so everyone would be proud of me too. I just want a new daddy who will love me and sissy like our brother.”
He has tears running down his face and I look at the guys while trying to figure out what to say, and all five have tears in their eyes. Before I can say anything, Silas sits up and puts Lochlan in his lap.
“Bud, we are so proud of you. You've been so brave this whole time in the hospital, and while we all care about your mom and all three of you kids, it’s too early to say if any of us will ever be able to be a dad to you kids, but I promise we will always be here for you. You scared me so bad when I saw you go under; honestly, we all would have been devastated if you got hurt really bad. If we are giving attention to your brother or sister, it doesn’t mean we don’t care about you too, okay? None of us will EVER treat you kids, or your mom, how your father did. Next time you get upset or feel left out, can we try to talk about our feelings?”
Lochlan looks at him. “My old daddy said only girls whine and cry. I didn’t want you not to like me because I’m not boy enough.” He’s crying again and we all look helpless.
Odin walks up and sits beside him. “Son, telling someone when they hurt your feelings doesn’t mean you’re not a man; it’s the complete opposite. It means you’re stronger than most. Not everyone is strong enough to talk about what they’re feeling, and that’s okay. However, it’s important to tell someone you trust if something is bothering you, that way we can help okay? You and Vivian are just as important as Arden, and I’m so sorry your dad made you feel like you weren’t, but I promise as long as your mom and grandmother let me and my brothers spend time with you, we will never make you feel that way. We loved getting to spend time with you.” He leans down and pulls Lochlan in a hug.
Bending over to kiss him on his head, I ask, “Are you hungry baby? I can go grab you something to eat, if you want.”
“Can I have a popsicle or some mashed potatoes? My neck is hurting,’’ he asks, rubbing his throat.
“Yeah baby, I’ll go see if I can find you something.” I give him one more kiss then go to walk out the door.
Bodie stops me yet again. “Angel, you wait here; the doctor will be back any minute and you need to be here. I’ll go grab us all something to eat, okay?”
“Okay, thank you. Can you grab me a Dr. Pepper? I need caffeine,” I say, reaching for my purse that somehow made it to the hospital.
‘‘Yes I will, but no, I’m not taking your money. I got it sweetheart, you go sit down and relax a minute, okay?” He kisses my forehead and goes to do the same to Lochlan.
“Hold on man, me and Odin will come help grab everything.” Orin stands up, kisses mine and Lochlan’s head, the action repeated by his twin, and then all three walk out. It seems so natural coming from them that I almost don’t even realize that it should be strange.
After they leave, I stare at the door. Now that I’m calmer, and the room is quiet, I have time to figure out how in such a short amount of time I’ve become so comfortable around these men. I actually like their touch. That’s not something I’m used to. Chuckling brings me out of my daze, and I blink several times to find Callum is smiling at me.
“Are you okay, darling?’’ Brushing hair out of my face, he lifts my chin so I meet his eyes. “If you aren’t comfortable with us touching you, or showing affection, you can tell us. Okay? We don’t want to push you.’’
“I don’t understand… y'all are acting interested, but none of you seem jealous or mad when one of the others touches me. I don’t know how to feel about any of this. I just met you five but I feel comfortable with you, and I haven’t felt that with a man since I was nineteen. I don’t know how to handle letting y’all into mine, much less my children’s lives. I don’t want to set them up for any more heartache than they have already dealt with. I want to move on, I’m just not sure how. There is also the whole thing where there are five of y’all but only one of me. That math doesn’t really add up.” I’m breathing hard and I’ve started pacing again. Silas had given Lochlan headphones at some point during my rant, and both men are now standing next to me. I didn’t mean to unload it all on them but I don’t regret getting all my mixed up feelings out at once.
“Sweetheart,” Silas reaches out and squeezes my hand. “We can start as friends, take it slow, get to know you and the kids. Build trust. None of us will rush you into anything you aren’t ready for. I know I would like to see where things go with you, and I know the others do too. We know it's crazy, since we just met; but you are beautiful, you are strong, and there is a fire inside of you that draws us in. You’re an absolutely amazing mother. However, none of us want you to be uncomfortable. So how about we just start as friends? Talk, hang out alone and as a group, with the kids. Get to know each other, and when you decide you’re ready we can take things from there, okay? No rush, no pressure.”
“After that, then what? I pick which of you I want to date? I don’t want to cause issues between you and your brothers,” I say, looking into his beautiful blue eyes. “If I get to know y’all I have a feeling I won’t be able to choose. You're all so great in your own ways. Even after just two days, you five have shown you care about the kids more than their actual father ever did. Honestly, he would have never jumped in after any of us. I want to try being friends, but I can’t promise more than that.”
Silas wipes the tears I didn’t realize were falling. “Baby, I’ll take whatever piece of you I can get, even if we are only ever friends, but we never said you had to choose.”
I gape at him like a fish, but before I can respond the doctor walks in. “Mrs. Aaron, we got all of Lochlan’s test results back, and everything is normal. The only concerning thing is his oxygen keeps dropping when we turn it down, so we are going to want to keep him here overnight on oxygen just to help his lungs rest a little bit more. His CT and MRI scans show no neurological abnormalities, so we won’t need to repeat any tests. If we can wean him off the oxygen and his stats stay up, he can go home tomorrow. Do you have any questions?’’
“Just one. He’s supposed to start school Monday, and he’s been really excited about it. Do we need to keep him home?”
