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Chapter Twelve
Cults
“Sam,it’ssogood you could join us. Rowan grabbed your clothes, so I sent for you to get your intake done.” Dean rose from his seat, shoving his chair back with a kick.
Asshole.
The vein on the side of Sam’s neck throbbed. He brought his hands to his lap and cracked his knuckles. “Thanks for leaving the chair on the deck, Dean. It helps a lot. Rowan was worried about how I would manage,” Sam spit out. The sound of his strained voice pierced my heart.
“Well, we may need to get you a new one,” Dean replied, tapping his boot on the side of the wheel. “There seems to be something wrong with the spokes.” Dean opened the door and ushered in a few men. “These two will do your scans and finish up your paperwork.” I kept my expression detached and fixated on Dean. He shouted back as he stepped out of the room, “Tomorrow at 0800, Rowan, and we will see you next week, Sam.”
“I’m fine to start tomorrow,” Sam gritted out before Dean shut the door. “I have this chair, which is in great shape. Put me to work.”
Dean turned and moved his jaw back and forth, considering the offer. “Your call, Sam. If you feel up to it, 1300 hours.” Dean left with a wink, and I smiled at the bastard. Am I passing enough of your tests, Dean?
The two men got right to work. They meticulously scanned every part of my face and hands and drew more blood. We received maps of the agriculture area and I made a note of the building that read, Chemistry, at the center.
They finished with me first, and I announced I would stay and wait for Sam. “No need,” he snipped without looking in my direction. He avoided eye contact the entire time. The thick tension made our guests eager to finish and leave us.
I had no response to his attempt at brushing me off, but I didn’t move my ass either. After fifteen minutes of agitated breathing and teeth grinding, we were ready to leave. Sam had the lead on me with wheels, but I would catch him at the stairs. I wanted to run after him, call his name, and make him stop to listen, but there was a fucking drone flying overhead.
I was highly agitated for a woman freshly fucked, but Sam had every right to act like a man scorned.
I tried to wrap my arm around him as he started towards the stairwell, but he pushed my hand away. “Drone,” I hissed in his ear. His eyes moved upward, and he conceded until the stairs covered our heads. He then thrust my arm off him, sending me stumbling backward. He hesitated in regret and mumbled, “I’m sorry.” I rolled my shoulders back and walked behind him in silence.
We entered our cabin, which felt even more like a cell because of my outfit and current mood. He stretched out on the bed, defeated. We had a few hours until we picked up the boys.
“Should I leave and waste time in the mess hall with Lori?”
“Yes,” came his sharp reply.
“You know, the only way marriage works is if you communicate.” I was testing the waters with a joke. Avoiding each other failed before, so at some point, we had to talk. BeLew needed to come back to a happy home, or room rather. No one would think this place could pass for a home. The boys deserved better. The world had damaged them enough as it was.
He let out a harsh breath and covered his face with his hands.
“I didn’t mean that,” he mumbled through his hands. “I don’t want you further away than you already are.”
“I’m right here, next to you, ready to talk,” I said, moving to my side of the bed.
“The truth is, I don’t know how to feel. I’m torn between feeling like you cheated and questioning if I took advantage of you before. I’m fucked up from this.” He rolled to his side, scooting over to let me lie next to him. I ran my fingers through his hair and met his eyes. I’d hurt him. I’d hurt us.
“I wanted to be with you. I still do. Dean set that up. You have to see that.” My guilt washed over me. I had kissed Dean back.
He nodded, “I do, I’m not stupid. I also saw how you responded to him, which is what he wanted. You fell right into his arms and hours before…”
“Dean and I have a history. You know that.” I wouldn’t lie to Sam or make promises I couldn’t keep. “But forget about any feelings for a minute and listen to me. If Dean wants to kiss me, I’m not in a position to say no. If he wants to fuck me, I can’t say no to that either. Our survival depends on him. This is something I knew before you were a body we picked up on the side of the road. He holds the power. I won’t choose my pride, or yours, over BeLew. I’ll do anything for them.”
Sam tensed, and his face became contorted in rage. “You would just give your body to him. It means that little to you.”
“Yes, I would, because BeLew means everything to me. I would give myself freely if it meant they would be safe. And for you too, by the way.”
“Oh, please don’t do me any favors, Row,” he spat. “I don’t need you prostituting for me.”
His comment enraged me. His feelings were hurt, yes, but he should have some empathy, too. I bet if he was being flung off the side of the ship in zip ties he would think, ”I wish Row had spread her legs a few times instead of preserving her honor.”
I grabbed a pillow and chucked it across the room. I got up and crawled over him, careful to avoid his leg because I still cared about the bastard. He opened his mouth to stop me, but I cut him off. “You know, when I was a little girl, I always thought maybe I’d show horses, or be a vet, or a mother. I also said to myself, Row, how about you be a whore? Maybe, oh my God, wouldn’t this be great? Maybe you can be a mother, but it means you have to lose your sister and then you get to be a whore at the same time. All my fucking dreams coming true on this floating purgatory.”
I paced inside our small space. Anger flooded out with every word and I knew they weren’t all for Sam, but I couldn’t stop myself. Dean had put me in this position. He’d entangled me in his net again, but I had pushed those feelings down. My rampage spewed out at Sam because I could never say these things to Dean.
