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Chapter Twenty-two
Intentions
Knowingthewatchestracked our every movement changed our perception, but not much else. We still had jobs to do, school for the boys, and time on our hands.
I skipped the visit to the lower decks with Lori. We had no plan for what to do next. Dean had to approve of my comings and goings. And what if, in the time they gave Lori the watch, they gave Sam a tracking device of his own? Lori told Sam what we had discovered. She told me he appeared detached, mumbling something about missing the signs. She left him like that, not knowing what to say.
Dean’s desperation showed itself in his every action. He asked about my dreams multiple times a day and became more forceful at night. He gave subtle threats about our future when I refused him. I had to wrap myself in the sheets like a burrito to avoid direct contact.
I created inventory logs over the past week for the drugs we grew. Dean labeled it as pain management and held morning meetings, thanking everyone for their help in our necessary endeavor to relieve the passengers from undue duress. That was how he described this venture. He acted as if we were nurses or war heroes out in the fields of battle with wounded soldiers.
No one wanted to feel the pain of a tooth pull, but there was no way they remembered to pack toothpaste but forgot the lidocaine and general anesthesia. A few days before, they had set boxes of condoms out in the mess hall. Two months too late, but nevertheless, those things had made it onto the ship.
Some workers bought into the hype, or they knew enough to get along to survive. Mary, my tipoff woman, gave a subtle eye roll each morning, and I would exchange a lopsided grin with her. I hadn’t seen Luke since my first day there. Every time the door opened, my head shot up to take a record of the person. They may have been there against their will, but Dean had spies everywhere. If I ever had the chance to see Sam again, I needed to be sure of who I passed in hallways or stood next to me at the bathroom sink.
Yes, I was paranoid. I had every right to be.
That night, Dean had planned an evening with friends. I heard his version of events along with everyone else’s. He said they set up a large card game in the mess hall and wagered some personal effects. Others explained gambling was part of it, but so were some resident whores who were performing for the group.
Luke had opted out, citing he was faithful to Lori. She had kept up their relationship as if nothing had changed. He had to remain in the dark until we had a plan. She encouraged him to have a night off for the card game, but he told her it would be a brothel and he wanted to spend the time with her. When he bowed out, it threw her into a spiral of confusion.
Neither of us knew his genuine reasons for skipping the event. My opinion was her company was better than the high chance of contracting herpes. She agreed and then resigned herself that she may have sex with him out of obligation. She was being a martyr, but part of her still wanted him.
I would never judge. I was partially to blame.
Time continued to tick forward without my period. Nothing else felt out of sync, so I choose full-blown denial. Maybe along with the missing lidocaine, we were sans pregnancy tests, so I would have to wait it out. How would I even get one? The only person I knew in the medical department was Luke.
My file cabinets burst at the seams. The labs were not in use yet and had loads of storage space. I waddled into one room carrying a stack of binders that almost blocked my vision and dropped them on an empty desk. Most of the workers had left for the evening and I was ready to call it a day myself.
With Dean gone for the night, I had the chance to talk to BeLew about any new dreams. I would need to take them out of our cabin in case Dean had it bugged. The thought of Dean knowing the boys had premonitions sent a shiver down my spine.
I pulled open a few cabinets that held random papers. Not willing to clean anything out, I kept looking for a clear drawer. On my third pull, a symbol caught my eye.
It was two jacket pins hooked onto a blue folder - rose gold metal with waves that intersected with a circle and twisting flames. They were pins from the Assembly of the Eternal.
“Not the shit I need today,” I mumbled to myself.
“And what would that be?” Dean’s voice answered from behind me.
I slammed the cabinet shut with my pinkie finger still on the opening. “Shit,” I wailed, yanking it out. I shook my hand up and down and swallowed the pain. “I’m just out of storage and I would like to get going. I’m tired and the boys have been picked up late from school every day.”
“Well, let me file those for you.”
“No,” I yelped. “I’ve been… I’ve just… been working so hard on this system and the organization. I’ll take care of it. I’m almost done. Are we walking to the school together or are you about to start your evening? I thought you had left.”
“I would much rather be spending the night with you.”
I dropped the paperwork into the cabinets, covering the pins with my stacks. “You’re hosting, don’t be silly. I’ll just take the boys on a walk. It’s a pleasant night outside.”
“Well, I was thinking the boys could spend some time with Luke, Lori, and her sons. I banned her from the kitchen tonight, and I have it all to myself until people arrive. I could cook something for you, for us.”
I searched for a key to the cabinet with no luck. “It’s been a long week, Dean. I appreciate the offer, but you have a big night ahead of you, and I’m looking forward to spending time with BeLew. I’ll see you later on. Have a nice evening.”
I attempted to squeeze through the doorway, and he gripped the gaping waistband of my pants, yanking me back. “You know, I think I will have some fun tonight. Maybe I’ll bring that fun back to our cabin,” he hissed in my ear. “I’ve been such a gentleman until now. How could you blame me since you’ve been such a cold fish?”
I swallowed hard and counted three breaths before I responded. He would take my excitement as anger, and that was exactly what I wanted. Dean’s pride would be his undoing. He believed every woman would eventually fall under his spell, his manipulation. He gave me an out, and I gave him my fake jealousy.
“You won’t find me in our bed when you do. Condoms are still in the mess hall. Have a blast.”
