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I hid my shock as best I could, and we talked about volcanoes for the rest of the time. All the while, I wondered how long they knew Sam would be in our lives, and how we needed to be together again.
Later that night, I waited for Sam on the lower decks, my heart still lodged in my throat as I paced. I felt like a terrible mother. My sister would have noticed that her sons were having the dreams. Maybe she had known all along, and there was no time to tell me.
I heard his footsteps down the hallway, and my pacing quickened. I hadn’t seen Sam for over a week and there was so much to tell him. When the door swung open, I jumped into his arms. His presence made me weak. He kicked the door closed behind him, running his hands up the back of my shirt.
“Wait,” I breathed. “A lot has happened this week.”
“Lori filled me in,” he said, bringing his lips to mine. I moaned in response as I undressed, our mouths locked together. I had a moment of clarity as my shirt hit the ground and pushed Sam away with my palms on his chest.
“Filled you in on what? Do you know about the watches and Luke?”
He nodded while undoing his belt. “Lori’s a fool. Luke is Dean’s pet.” His pants hit the floor, and I saw how ready he was for me. His hand moved to my pants, unbuttoning and pushing them over my hips.
“And the pins? My dreams? And the boy’s dreams?”
“We had a very detailed discussion. Yes, all of it. Take off your panties before I rip them off.”
I obeyed but continued my inquisition. “What does all of this add up to? What is Dean’s plan?”
Sam stood, completely naked and stroking himself. He took a step toward me and I stepped back. A growl came from his throat.
With both hands, he lifted me and pinned my back against the wall. I yelped and then fell silent as he knocked the wind from my lungs in a single thrust. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms clung to him while we found our rhythm.
When he was inside me, it felt like everything was as it should be. I was meant to be with him. I was safe. I had forgotten about my ex-fiance’s desire for domination in those moments. I forgot that the boys and I were in danger because of our gifts.
Sam’s mouth moved with mine, and each pump into my body made me desperate for release. He pulled himself from me and placed my feet on the floor. “What’s wrong?” I gasped, clawing him back.
“Nothing,” he said, digging through his pants pocket. He grabbed a condom and opened it with his teeth, walking back over. “These are around now, and I know you are concerned about being safe.”
My face fell. In all the chaos, and after being reunited with Sam, I let the possible pregnancy evade my thoughts. That was too much time - that meant something. That something might have a heartbeat.
“I don’t think that will help,” I stammered. My high from just a second ago crashed, and I picked up a piece of clothing off the floor and held it against my skin, covering myself.
Baffled, he brought his hand to my chin, lifting it upward. “Help with what?”
My mouth opened, but no words escaped. It went dry and my throat closed.
My true fear, aside from losing Sam or the boys, was that this news would be Sam’s death sentence. Pregnant and alone, I would have to give in to Dean. So far, Dean was a necessary evil. If there was a baby and if Sam were gone, I would have to succumb to keep us all safe.
Sam threw the condom to the ground. “What’s going on? Please, talk to me.”
Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Sam’s worry grew upon his face.
“What is it?” he asked. “Did I do something wrong? I just want you so badly. I can’t stop when I see you.”
I moved my forehead to his chest, painfully aware of the tears that threatened to escape. Each pull of oxygen burned my lungs. My fingernails dug into his skin as he wrapped his arms around my back.
“I-I’m not sure but, it’s possible,” I stuttered and paused.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
“I may be pregnant.”
Sam stilled for a moment and then I felt his chest move, filling with air.
“I haven’t had a period on this ship. I was never with anyone else. I haven’t been for... a long time. My body could be acting crazy, but I’m normally on schedule. I’m really sorry.”
