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Wife: Just forget it. I’ll go with Lars.
I’m convinced that she doesn’t want me to have electronics because she makes me live on the verge of wanting to break them.
“Fuck this.” I pick up the phone, calling her.
The phone rings three times before she answers.
“You had one ring left before you saw me. Listen and listen closely Everest Milagros Cambridge. Don’t ever fucking tell me you’ll just do anything with another man, even if it’s my dad. Change my name on your phone to ‘Don’t Fucking Play with Him’ so you can remember that shit at all times. What in the hell could I possibly be doing to be too busy for my wife?”
“Are you seriously calling me to lecture me? And Lars, or your dad, aren’t other men. They’re men you know and all you had to do was just say okay, Disney.”
“It’s not a lecture, it’s a reminder. Any man that’s doing what I’m supposed to be doing as your husband is another man. I did say okay, but you need to stop talking to me like we just met.”
“I’m not trying to. I’m doing my best to be normal and just focus. And I don’t want any other man to do what you’re supposed to do, either. That’s why I asked you first. I just want you, Disney.”
“And you’re doing great, baby. I’m glad you want me there because I want to be there for you. But you didn’t even speak to me like this when you feared your own shadow. I’m not some acquaintance or co-worker; I’m your husband. I’m pointing out the behavior so you can be more aware of it because part of me feels like on some level you know exactly what I’m talking about. I missed you every second we were apart and the week before that…”
I pause because every broaching the subject makes my throat burn. “I know it was much worse for you, but that was the longest, scariest week of my life. It’s such a helpless feeling not being able to protect the love of your life. I was so angry at what happened, and I still am, honestly. It hurt like a bitch to be exiled because you couldn’t stand to look at me. You kept trying to do things on your own and it was not okay with me. We’re a team. Like that fucking star show you like so much, they don’t thank each other after every assist. And baby, I know why you do it and fuck, I understand the reason, but you are not alone in any of this, so you need to stop trying to handle everything like you are. There is no way I should have learned from the FBI that you were getting creepy texts. I’m yours for life and will never be too busy when you need me.”
“I, I know that not telling you or anyone else about the texts was a mistake. One that I won’t repeat ever again. I was just so afraid that something was going to happen to you. I know that it’s something that I have to overcome because what happened then didn’t happen now. I just… being there with him was, I don’t have the words for it. The week felt so long and all I could think about was hoping you didn’t think I left because of whatever reason. What he was trying to do with my mind succeeded for a bit and that’s why I couldn’t look at you. Every time I looked at you, I got confused. I couldn’t see my husband; I saw him and vice versa. I only attacked him becau,” she pauses, and I hear a sniffle, but she clears her throat.
“Because I thought you were gone. It hurt so much to even believe that I lost you. I didn’t want to take his life and I regret having his blood on my hands, but I was just so angry. He, he, he hit me, stripped me nude, and dunked me in an ice bath like Happy did back then. Then he left me in that freezing room, turning off all the lights. I thought I was going to die there. Sometimes, I wake up screaming and Hunter has to hold me still in his arms while I cry out as if it’s happening because in my nightmares there are different variations of me losing you and him taking everything from me, but I know it’s not real. I know. Disney, I don't want to do this alone. I can’t. I’m so tired and I don’t know if I can ever be that Everie again. I think, no, I know I lost a lot of her in that room. I’m afraid I’ll never sing again after what he did and I’m afraid if I keep going at it like this, I’m going to lose what I have left of the old me. Help me, Walt.”
I’d hold her if I was near her. This entire situation continues to break my heart, but I’m confident we’ll get through it. But knowing exactly what he did to her makes me sick to my stomach. The imagery plays in my head, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to shake it. I hurt with and for her all the time. I hang my head and take a few breaths because my body wants to rage, and it’s not what either of us needs right now.
“First, I’ve never blamed you or considered any way or reason to blame anything that that lunatic did on you. You were the victim and there was nothing you could have done differently to keep him from his obsessive plan. Know that I one hundred percent blame him and his trainer. This is not your fault and I’ll kick the teeth in of anyone who says otherwise. They are the problem, not you. You thought he killed me, and you avenged me; I would’ve killed him for less. But the most important part was that you saved yourself. Don’t look at it as murder: it was survival. I know what you mean. I’ve been only part of myself for four years. Even with my memory, I’m not the same. You’re right, you will not be the same person, but it doesn’t mean you’re less of who you were before, just different. You’re so fucking strong. I just need you to believe it. Most people would have given up by now and you keep going to fight another day. Of course, I’ll help you. It’s our battle and we’ll defeat it together. Always.” I wipe my tears as I continue to talk. “You’ll get your voice back. Compared to everything you’ve conquered, regaining your voice is child’s play. I love you with everything I have, and my main goal is to make sure you’re safe and loved. I wasn’t trying to make you relive anything so soon.”
“It’s okay. I know, but I needed to say it out loud. To keep telling myself that I’m alive, to feel everything or else, I’ll think I’m still in that room dreaming of a better outcome. I don’t know if I want my voice back. It’s a link that’ll take me some time to move on from. Maybe I can try something else; I enjoy gardening now and watching the plants in m—, our greenhouse grow. I love you, Dis—, Walt. All I want is to finally be at peace and be happy. Last night, when you were in bed with me, I felt safe and loved. I missed you, Walt, so much. You’re the reason I believe in love.”
I smile, although she can’t see me. “Now, you’re talking to me like I’m your husband. I’ll buy you every fucking plant on earth if that’s what you want to do. You may not just yet, but you’ll want your voice back because it’s yours and no one has the right to take it from you. He knew what he was doing, and we won’t let him succeed. Singing is your choice and even if you have no desire to do it again, you should still have the option. Having peace is one of my biggest goals. As for happiness, stay by my side and give you all of that. I’ll give you all your little body can handle. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved who isn’t family. I take my role as your husband very seriously.”
“I know you do. Even if I took off my glasses and couldn’t see much, I can see that.” She softly chuckles. “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved as well. Also, I want pancakes every other morning. This is my only request.”
“I’ll mark my calendar. Now rest your voice. Arguing with me is literally not good for your health.”
She snorts and hangs up. I video a new number with a smile. Mayhem picks up almost immediately.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice you have my wife calling you LARS, you fucking giant.” Everest leans over to look at the screen with big eyes and I give her the same look. “Scoot over, Cupcake. You’re too close and in our business.”
She rolls her eyes and flashes both middle fingers as she whispers some bullshit in Spanish.
“Keep that same energy when you get your voice back, MILAGROS.”
I turn my attention back to the big fucker holding the phone and point at my eyes, then his. He chuckles and shakes his head.
“If you want to spar, all you have to do is say so. You’re so dramatic.”
I laugh. “Maybe I need to. Probably later. Take care of my woman.”
I hang up because Whit is standing on the other side of the kitchen with that freshly fucked glow to him, but his face is serious as usual.
“All good?” he asks as he approaches.
“Yeah, our entire relationship has been the biggest, most death defying, clusterfuck of emotions and tragedies that we’re both on edge and exhausted. The abrupt shifts in our highs and lows are dizzying. We’ll be alright when we quiet all the noise. Especially the media.”
Whit scratches his head. “Yeah, there was a theory that we’re a cult and Moonlight is with me because I brainwashed her. They feel there is no way she could go from accusing me to killing you to my girlfriend.”
“Cult? That’s ridiculous. They could have at least attributed it to Stockholm syndrome. Amateurs.”
