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My gut churns as that conversation flashes in my head.
“What’s wrong?”
“I...I just miss Mommy.”
“Me too, sweetheart.”
She stabs her little hand out, pointing at the ocean. “What if it takes me like it did Mama, Daddy?”
I’m about to tell her it won’t. Promise her I’ll never let that happen—but before I can, she gasps. Her eyes overflow with tears.
“What if it takes you? Who will I live with then? Mrs. Kate?”
“Katelyn will always be there for you, honey, but I’m not going anywhere.” I walk over, bend down, and lift her up. She’s almost too big for this, but right now, neither of us care. “We walk on the beach at home all the time, Dessy. What’s so different here?”
“It’s not the same. That beach has seals and rocks and it’s cold if you dip your toes in the water. We don’t swim there. This beach has...the stupid trees that don’t even have real leaves. Everything is hot, and it—” She trails off, pointing at the ocean again. “It wants to suck you to the bottom. It wants to pull and pull and drown you and never let you go!”
She shakes against my chest.
I hold her until she’s breathing again and her rough sobs fade.
Okay, fuck. So the beach is a no-go.
“Do you want to see the temple instead? It’s supposed to be impressive,” I whisper softly.
“...no.”
“What do you want to do then, baby girl? Tell me.”
“Watch Disney.”
And that’s how most of the trip went. Aside from a few excursions into town to check out cultural landmarks and feast on street food, we holed up in the hotel room watching movies.
I never tried to take Destiny to a warm beach again.
Yeah, I’m in for an interesting conversation—and a heart-wrenching one.
I need to figure out what the hell to say to feel her out, to be sure I’m not bringing her back to a place that’s too damaging.
“Here we are, Mr. Lancaster,” Tom calls, looking at me in the rearview mirror.
We’re pulling up to my house and my insides feel like stone.
If I’m lucky, she’ll be preoccupied with her phone.
Then I’ll have a few more minutes to rehearse some combination of words that will make her okay with visiting the place where our lives grew darker.
Half an hour later, with a boulder in my throat, I tap on Destiny’s door.
“Come in!”
I push her door open and step inside.
“Dad, look! Solid A on the job shadowing presentation.” She taps her phone, holding up a scorecard from the school.
“Way to go, brainiac. The presentation looked good—minus the purple people eater color scheme. If you’re ever working in an office, it’ll have to be more neutral.”
“Oh, blah. Can’t you just be happy about my A?” She makes a face.
“I always am,” I say gently.
“What’s up, anyway?”
I sit down on her bed. “I need to take a business trip in the next couple days. I’ll be gone at least a solid week, maybe two.”
She puts her phone down. “Business trip? Where are we going?’
I pause. “That’s just it. Kate’s willing to stay behind to look after you. She’ll check in frequently here.”
Her eyes widen. “Huh? But you always take me with unless it’s overseas and I’m in the middle of school... It’s summer.”
I nod. “I do, but this time, I have to go to Hawaii—”
I’m not sure what I’m expecting.
Dead silence. Repressed tears. A look of utter disgust.
Instead, she just looks at me and laughs.
“Okay? So I’m not good enough for paradise?”
I smile thoughtfully. “You’re telling me you love warm beaches now? Since when?”
She looks down, picking at a loose thread on her jeans.
“How would you know? I mean, you haven’t even taken me to one since I was a kid.”
“Destiny, you’re more than welcome to come if you want, but this could be a hard trip for you. I need you to understand that. Think it through. I’m dealing with important business. If we get there and you’re miserable, I can’t just duck out early this time to be with you.”
“It was a long time ago, Dad! I’ll be fine.”
I catch the defiant look in her eyes and wonder. Will she?
“Don’t answer me tonight. Sleep on it. Because—for better or worse—we’ll be staying at the Kona house Grandpa left me. That’s where we were when—”
“Yeah, I remember.” She bites her lip.
“And it’s very close to where—”
“I said I remember.” Her voice is strained.
I drag in a slow breath.
“Honestly, it seems like you’re getting upset now,” I venture.
“I mean, yeah. I don’t want to relive the specifics—everything that happened—but I’ll be okay with the trip. There are plenty of things to do in Hawaii that don’t involve the beaches, you know.” She gives me a firm look.
“Like what?”
“Pearl Harbor! I’ve always wanted to see the USS Arizona Memorial,” she says excitedly.
“Wrong island, unfortunately. That’s on Oahu. There won’t be a Pearl Harbor visit on Kona and the Big Island. If we can squeeze it in, it’ll have to happen the day before we leave.”
