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CHAPTER ONE
Tears stick to my cheeks as tall trees dart past my window. Shades of deep green and gray with occasional bursts of blue sky. It’s winter, but the sun shines, my ice-cold skin warmed by the tinted windows. From the backseat of Lucius’ car, there’s no way of knowing how long it’s been. Looking out at the world and wishing I had wings to escape this miserable existence.
It’s time for the pity party, and I dopitymyself.
Who’d have thought I’d be almost drowned, fucked to an inch of my life, and then thrown out on my ass when I dropped to my knees to blow a man who hates my guts. It should be enough to run for the hills. Any sane, self-respecting person would. Not me. I’m here, breaking over this man. Wishing, with an ache in my chest, I knew what the fuck had just happened. How Milton and I went from playing punishment to crossing the line.
Because of Maxim Koslov, I will never know what pushed Milton over the edge after he dragged me from the club kicking and screaming.
“A mental breakdown,” Dr. Rogue’s shrill voice whispers in my head. That’s what she’d label his riot. The result of being triggered by something. Someone. Little old me with her all too willing mouth. A sane man would not react so obscenely to oral sex.
Having said that, don’t I know what that’s like? Losing it to the point of being out of control. Trying to decide whether to inflict severe pain on someone or bleed to death. Milton is just as nuts underneath it all as I am. Then again, I knew that already.
The car journey feels long, and I need to pull it together. My body, however, does not seem to be listening to the pep talk my mind is trying to give. It just wants misery and pain. When have Ievergotten it together? When have I been nothing besides a train wreck?
“You can go back to the hole you crawled out of,”Maxim had growled. I might as well jump out of the car and hope the impact will offer me a merciful, quick death, since I know where I’m going.
The decimating core inside Fair Haven’s carcass—Horn Hill. The only address under my name. Information anyone can access, and the only possibleholeMaxim is referring to.
And just like that, we’re here.
As the car stops alongside the curb, my mouth dries out. While I sit up to view the scummiest place on earth—my childhood home that appears worse than my nightmares—tears stream down my cheeks. I think I might throw up all over Lucius’ expensive seats when my stomach cramps. No words are spoken, just strained patience as he waits for me to exit his vehicle. No last words, like maybe good luck.
Opening the door with a shaky hand, I step out barefooted. My nightdress is raked up by a cold wind, sending a shiver through me. Lucius speeds away as soon as I close the car door, and I watch him leave with a lump in my throat.
The neighbor’s blinds draw shut. A door slams in the distance. The entire neighborhood holds its breath because we all know what’s coming. Nothing goes unnoticed here. Certainly, not a fancy car like Lucius’.
As I run to the front of my old house, it takes all I have to lift my hand and bang on the door. When there’s no movement from inside, I knock harder.
“Dad?” The word almost has me vomiting for real, though I figure my sperm donor thinks I’m a thug searching for money he owes. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve come looking for him. “Dad? It’s Heidi. Open the door.”
No answer. I pound again. A second, and then a third—
“Alright!” The door opens with a shriek that wakes the dead, and the man in the doorway has me staggering back a step. “Why the hell did you come here?” My father slurs through the few rotting teeth left in his mouth.
My memory of him is nothing compared to what he is now, and I don’t know where to begin. The chunks of hair that are missing, the sallow skin covered in cankerous warts, or that he’s a walking corpse of just skin and bone. He steps onto the porch to see if anyone’s watching, and his smell hits me. A stench so foul, I can’t contain my disgust, which he notices.
“Just get in.” Grabbing my arm, he drags me into the house. Once inside, he looks pissed rather than happy to see me after all this time. But then, am I not glad to see him either. “You’re mad for coming here.”
When I try to put distance between us, I almost fall over a pile of garbage. The place looks trashed and smells worse than he does. “I’m not staying. I just...”
Why did I even knock?
Eyes dropping to what I’m wearing, I quickly turn away from his suspicion. “Where’ve you been, girl?”
“Nowhere.”
His bloodshot eyes narrow. “Word’s out that you’ve been missing from that loony bin you got yourself into.”
I stop and turn to face him. “How wouldyouknow?”
“Your mother.”
My chest squeezes. Shit. Gabriella talked to him?
“Like I said—I’m not staying.”
“And where the fuck are you gonna go?” He grunts. “It’s gettin’ late.”
