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Whatever the information was, he’s remaining tight-lipped about it. The question will come again. It has to. Because, despite us doing nothing but attempting to destroy each other, I see there’s someone beneath all the glares and derisive comments. Beyond the defense and mystery is someone who cares—
He rips his arm away. “Stop.”
“S-stop?”
“Youknowwhat.” He’s seething again. Wall back up. Beast caged. “Whatever it is you feel is about to happen, it’s not going to.”
Rejected, the sudden wave of pain only makes me angrier. Getting off the couch, I round on him. “You stop! Stop the bullshit. This started with revenge and ended with you wanting something you won’t let yourself have.”
“Which is?”
“Me. You want me.” He laughs, and it threatens me to rethink my words. But no. I know what I saw and felt was real. The things he said mean something. He lost a battle he was fighting within himself when he fucked me against that column, and we both know it. “You walked into Blake’s clubhouse and shot a man who was attacking me. That wasn’t on Blake’s orders. That was before you even took his stupid job of watching over me—”
“I knew you were his bitch and needed to get ahead.” He folds his arms, nothing but cold amusement in his gaze. The real and fake him congealing together to create a mask I can’t go past. “I realize it now. Why you’re keeping this up. You’ve romanticized everything back then, haven’t you?”
“Please, I’m not that pathetic.” But I am that pathetic. Still, I don’t back down, and I’m not going to admit it. “You wanted me the moment you first saw me. You wanted everything that happened in Club X to happen. Admit it.”
“Sure.” His eyes are narrow, so full of contempt. “I wanted it. I wanted you screaming my name. Wanted to feel you coming all over my cock. And you were great. Ten out of ten. Butyou?” This time, he sounds disgusted, and I want to run away from his following words. It won’t be fast enough. “The woman in the body I so want? Well, she’s got nothing much to offer.”
Ouch.
“You are pure evil.” Tears threaten to fall, and he only grins. Everything he’s just said is painful because it’s true, isn’t it? I have nothing to offer him. And although I know this is his defense, being downright cruel, it’s still the truth.
Silence descends over us, and while I want to scream and pry something from his icy cage, I can’t. I can’tdothis anymore. I’ve learned to withstand a physical beating over the years, but this mental abuse is too much. My knees go, and I’m slumping to the ground. For a second, everything goes black, like my brain’s shut down. Words like knives flying in the air, stabbing deep once they hit. Only these have gone straight through my core and pierced my soul.
Walking over to me, I don’t know why he bothers picking me up in his arms. I should fight him as he carries me upstairs, but I can’t. I’m tired of fighting.
We go through rooms, and I take nothing in other than the feel of his heart drumming beneath my ear. Sitting me on a marble countertop, he stands between my parted knees. I realize we’re now in a stunning bathroom of blacks and creams, with overgrown plants draped over a lone window.
“What happened back in Club X…” Resting his palms on my thighs, his hands are warm as he exhales through his nose. “I swore nothing like that would happen when I found you in Stonehill. Not with you—”
“Then why did it?”
“It’s… complicated.”
“Then uncomplicate it for me.” I bite my bottom lip as if I’ve just confessed an almighty sin. “I want to understand.”
And I need more—that’s why it hurts. Doesn’t matter what he just said, and if I’m chasing a fairy tale that will never happen. I’ve hardly scratched the surface of what this is with him, and I need to know it all. But his wall is too impenetrable. With regret hanging in the air, it’s not likely he’ll ever let me understand.
“I’m leaving tomorrow morning.” Lifting his hand, he moves a strand of hair away from my face as I soak in the finality of his words. “Someone will be here to look after you. Everything you require is here, and if there’s anything else, Lisa is at your beck and call when she returns after the holidays. I’ve scheduled a tutor to come out to you after Christmas to help you get your GED, and maybe then you can start thinking about a future. You’ll be safe here. Twenty-four-hour security has been arranged—”
Another tear falls from my eye, and he frowns at it, making him stop mid-sentence. I’m crying now. God, why am I?
Everything he’s just said sounds great, and I’d be an absolute fool not to be excited about it. Heidi gets a future. Woo. So, why don’t I want it?
I know the answer—I want him. But he’s snatched the decision out of my grasp and has decided it’s better not to pursue or act on this entity between us. Trying to dazzle me by giving me a life I never thought I’d have. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Confusion is prominent in his voice. Putting my hands over my face, I rub my eyes. He comes into my life, gives me a taste of what I’ve been craving since I first met him, and is now leaving me here? Gripping my wrists, he pries my hands away. “Heidi—”
“Don’t.” I push him away or try to. He doesn’t move. A solid barrier keeping me on the counter, forcing me to listen to words I want to avoid hearing.
“You’re here, so they don’t find you. They’re searching for you as we speak. In fact, they haven’t stopped since you left Stonehill.”
While Blake is a threat to my existence, I don’t care about him right now. I don’t want to think about him. “I’m here because you don’t want me around you, Milton. I’d be safer staying with you, and you know it.”
“It’s better this way.” I scoff, and his hold tightens on my wrists. “You asked for my help, remember? You told me you’d do anything I choose, and this is it. It’s better for both of us if you’re here while—”
“While what? Forget I exist? Fuck more women who make you feel nothing? If we’re doing that, then maybe I’ll go find a local bar and bring a nice guy back here to fuck.” He glares at me, and I delight in it, even though it was a childish blow.
