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“For fuck’s sake. I can’t believe you both kept this a secret from me,” he said.
“It’s not her fault. I asked her not to tell you. I knew you wouldn’t be okay with it.”
“You’re right; I’mnotokay with it. And she’s mywife.She should have told me.” His brow grew heavy. “And by keeping that a secret from me, you successfully drove a wedge between us. Now we’re getting a divorce, so thank youverymuch, Izzy.”
My shoulders sank. That was the last thing any child wanted to hear, but I feared he was right.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered. “I feel really, really horrible about it. I swear I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“Well, itishappening, and it’s your fault.”
I wrung my hands, a sour guilt in my stomach. A tense silence filled the air.
“OnlyFans,” he muttered in disbelief, and tossed his head. “So who elseknows about this?” As soon as he asked, a spark of revelation lit in his eye, and I knew what was coming. “Wait, doesRustknow?”
I hesitated. I hadn’t expected him to ask that. But now that he had, I didn’t see the point of lying about it anymore—if Rust was right, and our only way forward was to tell the truth, then I had to be open about it.
“He does.”
“Oh, gee, that’s great.” He clapped his hands with mock joy. “Eleanor, Rust, whee! Everyone in the world knows my daughter is making cheddar on OnlyFans! Everyone but me.”
“That’s not true. Very few people know. Only the people I’m closest to.”
“The people you’reclosestto? So why the hell would you tellmybest friend?”
His features slackened with a deeper, darker revelation.
“Oh my God,” he whispered. “Izzy, answer me honestly. Is there something going on between you and Rust?”
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
This wasn’t the plan.
Rustwas supposed to tell him about us, not me.
But the floodgates had opened and the truth was spilling out. And I wasn’t going to lie anymore.
I looked Dad in the eye and said, “Yes.”
He slapped his hand over his mouth, speechless.
“What the fuck? Are you kidding me? You’renineteen!And he’s my best friend!” Correcting himself immediately, he said, “Wasmy best friend.” He clutched at his heart. “I can’t believe Rust would do that to me. Oh my God, I feel sick.”
“Don’t blame him. He tried to stay away from me, he really did, but I practically threw myself at him.”
He gritted his teeth and covered his ears with his hands. “I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse.”
“I know it sucks, Dad. Believe me, this hasn’t been easy on either of us.”
“Oh, sure, poor you. It must’ve been so hard, screwing each other behind my back. You must’ve felt so guilty not telling me, along with all the other lies you’ve been feeding me this whole time.” Undulating between emotional extremes, he shook his head, and when he looked at me again, the anger in his eyes was replaced by a softness. “No, no. I can’t blame you, Izzy. This isn’t your fault.Rustis the one who should know better.”
“What do you mean, ‘know better?’”
“He’s a pro athlete—of courseyou’d be drawn to him. But you’re just a kid. He has no business doing anything with you.”
I felt slighted. “I know it’s not easy for you to hear, but Rust actuallycaresfor me.”
