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That word again. He’d said it often, in every sort of context, but it felt so different between them, in the context of actual fucking. Its true verb form.
If the way Mattias’s eyes darkened was any indication, he felt it too. “Yes,” he agreed, tone deepening. “I do want that.”
Not a new confession, nor an unexpected one, but it left Náli’s chest tight anyway. He wanted to touch, and so he did; traced the bristly line of Mattias’s beard with his thumb; followed the contour of the laugh line on his cheek, so rarely visible.
“What if it worked?” he whispered, and felt the line beneath the pad of his thumb slacken as Mattias’s smile faded. “What if there was a way to divide and share my power so that it didn’t cripple me? So that it wasn’t so important to beget an heir?”
Still frowning, Mattias said, “It would be a risk.”
“Everything’s a risk. I could slip and fall getting out of bed tomorrow. Could choke to death on toast.”
“Not a very dignified end, my lord,” Mattias teased.
“Ends usually aren’t. We might all die when the Sels return. When the–”
He bolted upright so fast he and Mattias bonked heads.
“Ow! Shit, sorry.” He rubbed the offending goose egg and turned wild eyes on his captain. “Mattias, that’s it!” The excitement that flooded his body felt an awful lot like fear.
Mattias probed the matching knot that was forming on his own scalp. “What is?”
“The story, the one about the twin sisters. Lilac and Lucia. The shaman said they were from the far-off land of Se, but that’s not the name we know it by now. They were from Seles! The two magic girls – the first humans who could bend the powers of the gods to their own will – they were Selesee! It all makes sense. The trip across the Impassable Sea, that general’s accusation that their magics were stolen – he was referring to that same story! To Lucia bringing her magic here and gifting it to her sons, passing it down through the generations.”
Mattias stared at him, unconvinced. “That’s…wildly speculative.”
“So’s the notion of raising an entire army of skeletons, but I’ve done that, haven’t I?” Too agitated to remain sitting, he hopped off the bed and began pacing the width of the room. “If I’m right, if those two things are linked, then that means–” He faltered, in step and voice; turned to Mattias, who’d gone wide-eyed.
“That would mean,” Mattias said slowly, “that you were descended from Sels.”
Náli gulped, with difficulty. The idea was too loathsome to consider…and yet…
He stalked to his dressing table and shoved his face into the mirror; regarded his own blue eyes – too-big in their state of shock – and pale skin, and paler hair. A vision in silver, the same gray as this beastly Keep that was his palace and his curse.
“We all would be,” he said, faintly. “All of use with any magic in our blood. The skinwalkers, the shamans, the drake-riders.” He turned around and let the table take his weight. A new, unpleasant thought occurred. “Does it disgust you?”
“No,” Mattias said right away. “No, Náli, no. It’s–”
“Would you do it?”
“Do…”
“If it worked. Splitting the power. Even if it’s Selesee power. Would you share part of its weight?”
“Without question.”
He didn’t realize how much he’d doubted Mattias’s willingness until he heard it straight from his mouth. The knot in his belly loosened a fraction. “Then isn’t it worthwhile,” he reasoned, “to let me go back into the well to find out the rest of the story? To tease out all that I can from the other side so that we’re fully informed?”
Mattias let out a deep breath, shoulders slumping. “Yes. I suppose that’s so.”
Náli smiled. “See? Was that so hard to admit?”
“Insufferable brat.”
Laughing, Náli skipped forward and threw his arms around his neck. “As such, I demand a kiss before bed, if that’s all you’ll deign to give me, Captain Prude.”
Mattias’s face above him split in a knife-sharp, wicked grin that Náli had never been witness to, right before both his hands landed on Náli’s backside and squeezed.
Náli couldn’t control the little eep of surprise that slipped through his lips, and Mattias chuckled before he used his grip to haul him upward and kiss him.
It wasn’t what he wanted – wasn’t all that he wanted, anyway – but it would do for now.
