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His jaw clenched, automatic rejection. “Oh – oh, and you do?”
Mattias’s eyes sparkled when he smiled like this, brimming with emotion usually kept well in-check. “Well. Yes, actually.”
Náli blinked. Opened his mouth. Closed it. Blinked some more. “You what?” The idea of Mattias, of the longing looks, and doting touches, never beyond Náli’s reach, nor even his line of sight, being this intimate with someone…kissing, and touching, was…impossible. But how else could his confidence be explained? How else could he reduce Náli to a shivering wreck in mere moments? “With whom?”
Mattias smoothed a thumb between his brows. “You’re scowling.”
“Then tell me who!”
Mattias’s gaze darted to the side, and faint color bloomed in his cheeks. “It wasn’t intentional. The first time.”
“There’s been multiple times?!” He knew this, of course, because his hands were too good. But. Still.
Mattias smirked, gaze returning. “Are you going to interject the whole time?”
“Absolutely.”
“Of course you are.” His hands slid back down his arms and settled at his waist, safely over the nightshirt, but no less stirring. Náli thanked indignation for clearing his head a fraction. The idea of Mattias, utterly devoted, fucking someone else…outrageous! “As I said: it wasn’t intentional the first time. It was a shock, actually. It was that winter you had scarlet fever” – Náli remembered it only in fits and snatches; he’d run a high fever for days, delirious and too weak to leave his bed; he recalled Mattias’s soothing touch and gentle voice, the taste of broth and tea, and a cool cloth on his forehead, but not much else – “and Klemens came to relieve me. Your mother insisted I rest. I was swaying on my feet…” He trailed off, jaw clenching, and Náli knew his thoughts had veered into more somber territory.
He circled his hips, grinding down on the bulge in his trousers, and earned a light, quick smack on the bottom. He yelped.
Mattias resumed his chaste hold – but his expression cleared, smile playing with his lips and blush warming his cheeks again. “I went to Einrih’s chamber to ask him to wake me after an hour. I didn’t want to be asleep if – well. I wanted to be awakened. And when I entered, Einrih wasn’t alone.”
“Danski and Darri?”
“Yes. All three of them in a highly compromising position.”
“I caught them in one last night.”
It was Mattias’s turn to be shocked, then. “You did?”
“How do you think I gave Einrih the slip?”
“Damn it,” Mattias swore, shaking his head, frowning.
“It’s a shame I was in such a hurry. I would have liked to stay and watch a little. Purely for educational purposes.”
“Hmph. Yes. Educational.”
“I wouldn’t have participated – unlike you.”
“It wasn’t as if I planned to! I was standing there, and they were – tangled, as it were. Danski said, ‘Shut the door, man,’ and so I did. And then Darri said, ‘You look tense.’ And, well, I was. And…” He nodded his head side to side. “What followed was quite educational.”
Náli tried, and failed to sound curious; sounded cold and nasty instead. “Ah. I see. So if those three invite you to a little off-the-books learning session, then you leap right in. But if I all but throw myself at you, you turn into a cold fish.”
“That’s not fair.”
“No, it isn’t, is it?”
Mattias frowned and rubbed circles above Náli’s hipbones with his fingertips. “No, I meant: those two things aren’t comparable, fumbling with them versus being with you.”
“Wouldn’t you have to actually be with me to make that comparison?”
“No.”
“They were just so tempting, I suppose–”
“Náli.” Mattias gripped him tight, fingers digging bruises, and Náli closed his mouth with a quiet click of teeth. “Do you not see?” His expression became desperate, pleading. “Being with them was stress relief. It was practice. It was stupid and meaningless. But being with you – this right now – is everything.” His hands tightened again, grip painful. Náli couldn’t look away from him, couldn’t even blink. “Have you heard nothing I’ve said? You are the sole reason for my existence. I cannot come back from this. I cannot–”
