Page 18 of Losing an Edge


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“You don’t care that…” I trailed off, waving my hand toward Anne and Ghost. At least the cameras were facing them and not us, but Anne would get an eyeful if she turned around any time soon.

Hammer glanced over and chuckled. “She’s not paying any attention to me. Not with her lover boy right there making googly eyes at her.” He took his time getting dressed, and Drywall headed off with my bag.

I took a seat on the bench next to him. “So we did all right tonight. You and me, I mean,” I added when he arched a brow at me.

“I’d say we did a hell of a lot better than all right. That was your best fucking game since I’ve been here. By a mile. You were calm with the puck. You made good first passes to clear out of the zone. You got a fucking assist. Give yourself a bit of credit sometimes, 501.”

I shrugged. “I do when credit is warranted.”

“Bullshit. Never met a kid so hard on himself before. Give yourself a damn break every now and then.”

“But it’s only one game.”

“It was a good fucking game. Take ’em one at a time. Build on it.” He sat down next to me to put on his shoes. “Look, you’re going to have bad nights. We all do. The thing is, you can’t focus on them. You can’t let the fuckups outweigh the good nights, or all you’ll end up doing is fucking up even more. You’ve got as much potential as any defenseman I’ve played with in my career, and I’ve played with some of the best. That’s why they drafted you. That’s why you’re here and not in the minors. You just have to start believing in yourself. No big deal. Take chances. You’re bound to fuck up sometimes, but you’ll probably also start to do things you never thought you were capable of.”

HAMMER’S WORDS WEREstill ringing in my ears hours later when we got to our hotel in St. Louis. We would have stayed in Denver overnight if not for the fact that we had a back-to-back situation, so it was about two in the morning when we headed up to our rooms.

Koz was my road roommate, but he veered off to the hotel gym before coming up. He spent time in the gym every night in every hotel we stayed at—another thirty-minute workout before bed. For some reason, he claimed the activity helped him sleep better. I wasn’t so sure of the reasoning, considering how much he always tossed and turned all night long, but since it meant I had him out of my hair for the next half hour, I wasn’t going to argue.

Because I wanted to talk to Cadence. I realized that what Hammer said, he’d meant it to be about playing hockey. But he was an older and wiser guy, right? There wasn’t any good reason his words of wisdom couldn’t apply to everything in life.

Take chances. Stick your neck out. Maybe take a risk or two.Yeah, I could strike out. But I might just hit a home run, too.

Not if I didn’t try.

I couldn’t call her now, though. It was after midnight in Portland, so she probably wasn’t awake. I’d figured out she tended to wake up early for some sort of workout—whether it meant going to the gym or hitting the ice—and I didn’t want to disturb that.

But I could send her a text message. She’d likely sleep right through the tone, and then she’d see my message in the morning. I still had to sort out what I wanted to say.

I know we said we’d be friends, but I need you to know I want our relationship to be more than that. If you’re not ready for more now, that’s fine. I completely understand. I do. I’m willing to give you time, but eventually I want this to be more. So if I don’t ever stand a chance with you, I need you to let me know that.

Less than a minute passed from when I pressed Send before my phone was ringing. Cadence.

“Hello?”

“How much time are you willing to give me?” Her voice sounded raspy, kind of husky, like she’d just woken up. Sexy as all hell.

That definitely wasn’t what I’d been expecting. And frankly, I didn’t know how to respond. “How much time do you think you need?”

“I don’t know. That’s the problem.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

“No. Not yet, at least.”

Progress. Baby steps, but it was progress. “Does this have anything to do with your former partner?” I hadn’t ever forgotten the way he’d nearly brought her to tears right after they’d won the gold medal.

Her answer was silence, which was as good as a yes in my book. Maybe she didn’t want to tell me, but she was, a piece at a time.

“Okay,” I said. “So does this mean I at least have a chance?”

“You have a chance. I don’t know how much of a chance, but it’s something.”

“I can work with something.”

“After you guys get back, are you doing anything on that Saturday?”

My jaw nearly hit my chest, because she was suggesting doing something with me. “No plans other than practice.”

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