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“No, the problem’s not him!” I didn’t know how much to tell her. There were some parts of the story I couldn’t bear for Cam to know, but half the reason I’d settled on trying to partner with Anthony was because he was based out of Portland. That meant I could be here with Sara. If anyone would understand the things I was only now coming to terms with, it was her. But would she run straight to my brother and blab everything I told her? I wasn’t sure. And then I’d been stupid enough to tell Levi Babcock I’d go out with him, which was merely one more complication. My life was already too complicated by half. I was in one hell of a pickle.
“It’s not Anthony,” Sara said dryly, after I’d been quiet for too long. “Then what? Don’t like the coach? Don’t want to have Cam breathing down your neck all the time? Help me out here, Cadence, or I don’t know what I can do for you.”
“I told Levi Babcock I’d go out with him,” I blurted out before I lost my courage.
She raised a brow. “Does your brother know?”
I nodded.
She let out a slow breath. “Well, it could be worse.”
“How?”
“Cam actually likes 501. Or at least he doesn’t hate him. 501’s a good kid, and we know he comes from a good family. Everything will be okay. Cam might piss and moan about it for a bit, put up a good show, but he trusts you to make good decisions for yourself. He knows you’re a smart cookie.”
“But I’m not sure I trust me to make good decisions,” I said.
“Back up. What?” Sara shook her head, perplexed. “Are you second-guessing things with Guy?”
Not in the least. I probably should have left him, broken off that partnership, almost five years ago. Definitely by a couple of years ago, once our relationship had morphed from being nothing more than partners on the ice to being a couple. That side of things never should have happened. All the warning signs about how he would treat me were already there, yet I’d allowed him to convince me he loved me. He’d sworn I was his princess, that he would cherish me and turn me into his queen.
Lies. All of it. And the worst thing was, I’d known before I’d ever gone out on a single date with him. It was obvious from how he would berate me in practice. How every time we lost points in a competition, it was my fault. How he would yell and scream horrible things at me, and then beg me to forgive him. He never berated me while anyone was around, of course. He saved all of that behavior for when the two of us were alone.
Why would I think things should be any different just because we were romantically linked? Yet I’d convinced myself it would all be better, and I’d suffered through his antics for years before I’d finally gotten the gumption to put an end to it. If only I’d found my courage sooner. Things could be very different now if I had.
But living in regret wasn’t me, and I couldn’t allow myself to wallow in it. I had to find a way to move forward.
At the moment, Connor was acting out the scene of the movie, pretending to be Lightning McQueen and racing circles all around his sister, who was cackling at his antics. Buster, my brother’s deaf Pomeranian, was chasing Connor and barking at him. They were loud, which might be a good thing. It meant they weren’t paying any attention and therefore wouldn’t repeat anything we said. That little boy was a parrot if ever a boy was one, repeating everything he shouldn’t.
I turned my attention back to Sara and chewed on the inside corner of my lips. “This isn’t about Guy. Or…well…not like you think.” I took another look over at the kids, found Connor still watching the movie while hanging upside down from a chair with his knees hooked over the seat to keep him in place. Cassidy was almost to the point of giggling herself asleep. Must be almost nap time. Buster thought so, too. He had stopped chasing Connor to snuggle up beside Cassidy on the floor, sighing contentedly.
“Are you finally going to tell me why you broke everything off with him?” Sara asked.
“He dropped me,” I said, blinking back tears. I would not cry over this. Not again.
“Yeah, when you were practicing a lift,” she said, narrowing her eyes at me like she was trying to read between the lines. “You hurt an ankle and needed some surgery or another to fix it. It was all over the news. Even here. But that can’t have been the first time he’d dropped you, surely.”
“No.” I took another calming breath, attempting to fill my lungs with the peace that had been eluding me for years. “But it was the first time he dropped me intentionally.”
“What the ever loving fuck?” she practically shouted, coming halfway up from the couch before she glanced over at the kids and realized what she’d done. For once, Connor didn’t immediately repeat her. He looked over with worried eyes, likely sensing the very different tone coming from his mother this time. “It’s okay, buddy,” she said, visibly putting on a calm front for his benefit. Then she turned back to me. “Why the hell would he drop you purposely?” she hissed. “That doesn’t make sense. You two were dating. You’d been partners for more than half a decade. You’d just won a fucking gold medal together a couple of months before.” She held out her hands, either in question or defeat.
“He dropped me because I was pregnant. Because if I stayed pregnant and delivered a baby, we would lose almost an entire year of training and competition, right at the height of our careers.”
She stared at me, blinking a few times. With every second ticking by, I watched comprehension dawn in her eyes, leading first to understanding, then to compassion, and finally to outright fury like I’d never seen in her. Her voice was as soft as I’d ever heard from her when she said, “So he wanted you to miscarry.”
I nodded.
“The surgery wasn’t for your ankle, was it?”
I shook my head. “My ankle was only sprained. A bad sprain, but nothing that would require surgery.”
“You needed a D and C?” Sara had tears in her eyes.
“Yes.”
“If I ever see that motherfucker again, I will rip him limb from limb, take his remains to Florida, and feed him to the alligators.”
Never in a million years would I have expected to laugh so soon after revealing such a gut-wrenching thing, but I couldn’t stop myself. A gale of giggles bubbled up from my belly and came out alongside the tears I’d been holding back.
