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“Something like that. I’m not really sure yet.”
“Are you going to the service tonight?”
There was a special service for Carmen at the Church of Our God, Reverend Proffitt’s church. In lieu of graduation parties, there had been a number of events to honor Carmen, and Delta had found each one more difficult than the last. She’d told herself it was the least she could do, but she didn’t want to cry anymore, she didn’t want to feel bad, she didn’t want to see Amanda and Tanner sitting by each other, because that’s what had happened at the other events, bowing their heads together and acting all sad, when she just wanted to tear into them, call them out as hypocrites because neither of them had cared that much for Carmen. Only Bailey had truly cared, and she was being unfairly punished by the reverend.
“Is Bailey invited?” she asked a bit belligerently.
Timmons blinked. “Well, I think anyone can certainly join in.”
“Can they, though?”
Timmons looked at Delta in surprise, and no wonder. She’d always been the easygoing, good-humored one, but she’d given up her signature style since Amanda and Tanner had become . . . whatever they were. Now she felt like ripping out her hair and screaming curse words and launching herself at her one-time BFF. The Five Firsts were finishing with high school, and maybe they’d been a fake sisterhood all along.
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“I just know the reverend blames Bailey for Carmen’s death.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Timmons said, looking past her and nodding to someone, or maybe no one, as he quickly moved away. Well, that was apparently one way to free herself from small talk: discuss the truth.
Zora caught up with Delta as she was walking up the concrete steps to the top section of the parking lot. “Jesus, I need a drink,” she said. “I hate this. I hate school. I hate all the lies.”
“Lies?” Delta asked.
“Did you know my parents sold our house? I have the choice of going with Mom or Dad. They’re both moving into apartments. Can’t afford anything else now.”
“What happened?” asked Delta.
“I don’t know. Bad investments? They expect me to make some kind of decision about my future. I don’t want to do anything!”
“We’re all going to have to do something.”
“Why don’t you and I get an apartment together? Go to PCC. Just get the hell away. My parents aren’t completely broke yet, I guess.”
Portland Community College had several campuses around the city, Rock Creek being one of them. But Delta was itching to get down to Eugene and the University of Oregon. “PCC isn’t far enough away.”
“Well, where else are you going?” she queried.
Nowhere.
Delta realized Zora’s plan wasn’t all that bad. Zora’s family would undoubtedly pay for the apartment. Delta could possibly get a break on the rent . . . maybe.
But it wouldn’t be U of O. And it wouldn’t be with Tanner.
And then Tanner and Amanda appeared together, walking together, looking at each other, holding hands.
Delta drew in a long breath. “I guess it’s really over,” she said.
I wish they’d both die.
“You don’t mean that,” Zora said on a gasp.
Delta hadn’t realized she’d spoken aloud.
“No, I don’t,” she murmured miserably, walking away, nearly blinded by tears.
Somehow, she found her parents and managed to get away from the crowd without being seen falling apart. Her parents assumed she was thinking of Carmen and let her be. And then she did think of Carmen, and she felt small and petty, and she decided to go to the service. Her parents offered to take her, but she turned them down. Finally, in the depths of her own personal despair, she was able to really feel the anguish of losing her friend forever. Carmen had been a member of the Five Firsts. Without her, there was no clique. Without her, the sun had dimmed a little. Delta was ashamed she hadn’t been able to really see that till now.
Bailey was at the church when Delta arrived, standing just inside the door, possibly working up her courage to enter the lion’s den, so to speak, since she’d been treated so unfairly by the Proffitts.
